A Serendipitous Meeting
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Serendipitous Chapter 2 A"Traditional in a modern world..
33 total reviews
Comment from Karen Denise
I see a lot of potential here, and it definitely has me entertained and curious to read more, so mission accomplished, I'd say. It's well-written, the characters appear to be interesting (and hopefully will be multi-dimensional as the plot develops), and you did a good job to concisely tell Rebecca's story of how she got to this point through solid dialogue. I really only have one issue to bring up. I think it's questionable that he would necessarily notice that she was visibly pregnant (especially with the confidence level to feel comfortable bringing it up and risk offending her if she wasn't) at just 13 weeks. With women's first pregnancies, they don't tend to show for quite a while, even with a small frame. Personally, with my first, when I was very thin prior to pregnancy, I probably wasn't definitively showing until more like 20 to 24 weeks. So, I think 13 weeks just seems a bit hard to believe. But in the big scheme of things, that's a very small detail, and I may be the only person who even notices or cares to mention that, so it's not overly concerning. Great work, and I'm eager to read more!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2025
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I see a lot of potential here, and it definitely has me entertained and curious to read more, so mission accomplished, I'd say. It's well-written, the characters appear to be interesting (and hopefully will be multi-dimensional as the plot develops), and you did a good job to concisely tell Rebecca's story of how she got to this point through solid dialogue. I really only have one issue to bring up. I think it's questionable that he would necessarily notice that she was visibly pregnant (especially with the confidence level to feel comfortable bringing it up and risk offending her if she wasn't) at just 13 weeks. With women's first pregnancies, they don't tend to show for quite a while, even with a small frame. Personally, with my first, when I was very thin prior to pregnancy, I probably wasn't definitively showing until more like 20 to 24 weeks. So, I think 13 weeks just seems a bit hard to believe. But in the big scheme of things, that's a very small detail, and I may be the only person who even notices or cares to mention that, so it's not overly concerning. Great work, and I'm eager to read more!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2025
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I think it's questionable that he would necessarily notice that she was visibly pregnant (Rebeka is very skinny, and a baby bump would definitely show.)
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I wish I had a six, I loved this chapter is so peaceful and you made it sound so easy like a normal conversation between two adults that are sharing a scary thing over a cup of coffee.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2025
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I wish I had a six, I loved this chapter is so peaceful and you made it sound so easy like a normal conversation between two adults that are sharing a scary thing over a cup of coffee.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2025
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Thank you for the encouragement. I apreciate it.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Barbara,
This is a great chapter of your book. Too bad they don't make doctor's who look like that. Just saying. This book is moving right along. I am enjoying it.
Cecilia
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2025
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Barbara,
This is a great chapter of your book. Too bad they don't make doctor's who look like that. Just saying. This book is moving right along. I am enjoying it.
Cecilia
Comment Written 27-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2025
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I do understand. Sometimes it's even hard to get a doctor who will listen. My primary care given doesn't look like that, darn, but he does listen. Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome
Comment from giraffmang
Hi barbara,
Another good continuation here. There were a couple of things I pondered when reading this. i made some notes for you to do with as you see fit!
In front of him stood a naked Rebeka as she dried her long brown hair. - I have to say that I didn't really buy this. Given her background / upbringing and even buttoning a shirt up to her neck, knowing the bathroom is shared would she really have done this?
She spent a long time getting ready!
When did he make the tea? [it said he'd made coffee pot earlier]
especially ones as young as me and with only two published books. - maybe I'm wrong here but how does someone win new author of the year when they'd more than one book published? 9says only 2 published books meaning most folk win new author with more than 2? I was confused about that. or was it a new award?
Her school had more classes than my daughter's school! lol
What does this scumbag say about the baby and why haven't you seen a doctor. - should probably have a question mark in here.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2025
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Hi barbara,
Another good continuation here. There were a couple of things I pondered when reading this. i made some notes for you to do with as you see fit!
In front of him stood a naked Rebeka as she dried her long brown hair. - I have to say that I didn't really buy this. Given her background / upbringing and even buttoning a shirt up to her neck, knowing the bathroom is shared would she really have done this?
She spent a long time getting ready!
When did he make the tea? [it said he'd made coffee pot earlier]
especially ones as young as me and with only two published books. - maybe I'm wrong here but how does someone win new author of the year when they'd more than one book published? 9says only 2 published books meaning most folk win new author with more than 2? I was confused about that. or was it a new award?
Her school had more classes than my daughter's school! lol
What does this scumbag say about the baby and why haven't you seen a doctor. - should probably have a question mark in here.
All the best
G
Comment Written 27-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2025
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I always appreciate you stopping by and leaving a review. I have made most of the changes and the other one I am considering. Thank you for the help.
Comment from forestport12
The plot gets even more complex and layered. Realistic portrayal of the girl's plight. I can easily imagine everything happening in the way it has with her life, and I like how as a romance writer, she herself is learning about what true romance should look like. Clever convergence!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2025
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The plot gets even more complex and layered. Realistic portrayal of the girl's plight. I can easily imagine everything happening in the way it has with her life, and I like how as a romance writer, she herself is learning about what true romance should look like. Clever convergence!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the understanding and review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I didn't notice any mistakes. The story is moving very quickly here as he accidently saw her pregnancy. Her agent is slime (getting back at yours a little?). She certainly doesn't want him to know she is pregnant, but she does need her money back.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2025
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I didn't notice any mistakes. The story is moving very quickly here as he accidently saw her pregnancy. Her agent is slime (getting back at yours a little?). She certainly doesn't want him to know she is pregnant, but she does need her money back.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2025
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Maybe???? Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Karen Cherry
I could swear I already reviewed your story. Great picture. I sure remember that! nice clear writing. If it was just me, I would say write as long as you like. 59% in Plano and a bit overcast. Karen
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2025
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I could swear I already reviewed your story. Great picture. I sure remember that! nice clear writing. If it was just me, I would say write as long as you like. 59% in Plano and a bit overcast. Karen
Comment Written 26-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2025
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73 in Copperas Cove, sunny and dry. Thank you for the kind review.
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The last few years the weather has gotten weirder and wearder. Karen
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It sure has.
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:-)
Comment from Harry Craft
Well, Barbara. This is a very interesting story. I was hooked from minute one and had to keep reading until the end. You are a very good writer. I liked the story. Keep up the great work!
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2025
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Well, Barbara. This is a very interesting story. I was hooked from minute one and had to keep reading until the end. You are a very good writer. I liked the story. Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 26-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the kind review and the encouragement.
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You are so welcome Barbara!
Comment from Sanku
REBEKA really has.problems and problems .An.ultra conservative family that is already threatening to disown her, pregnancy from her scum.of an agent and more than anything her money all gone.but she now has a true angel who would disentangle her .. I hope there are people like Tylor in real world
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2025
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REBEKA really has.problems and problems .An.ultra conservative family that is already threatening to disown her, pregnancy from her scum.of an agent and more than anything her money all gone.but she now has a true angel who would disentangle her .. I hope there are people like Tylor in real world
Comment Written 25-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2025
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I am hoping Rebeka can get some balance in her life. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
This partial chapter is very well.Written as all your work is! Pleasure to read. I hope the young naive woman find The Way out of Her current Dilemma. The men in the picture is definitely eye candy! Your dialogue is always superb team, and you certainly know your way around a pen!
I like that deep man Tyler it's kind and helpful.There's not a lot of that left in the world.It's a pleasure to read about it!
Best of luck Barbara as always. Thank you for this wonderful read.If I had another six, it would be all your!
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2025
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This partial chapter is very well.Written as all your work is! Pleasure to read. I hope the young naive woman find The Way out of Her current Dilemma. The men in the picture is definitely eye candy! Your dialogue is always superb team, and you certainly know your way around a pen!
I like that deep man Tyler it's kind and helpful.There's not a lot of that left in the world.It's a pleasure to read about it!
Best of luck Barbara as always. Thank you for this wonderful read.If I had another six, it would be all your!
Comment Written 25-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2025
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You're right. It seems great men are hard to find. Thank you for the kind review. My brother-in-law was looking for the perfect woman and complained to me that he couldn't find her. I asked him if that perfect woman came along would he be perfect enough for her. He paused and cleaned up his life.
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lol...great answer!
