Comment from Harambe Unchained

Excellent

An excellent entry in the sonnet contest.

While winter makes demands on elderly, <= missing an article before "elderly" which is slightly awkward. Here are a couple ideas to fix that:

-while winter's blanket chills the elderly

-while winter creaks and cracks the elderly

Maybe you'll come up with something even better!

Thanks for the read,

🦍

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2025

Thank you. Good suggestions.

Comment from Aiona

Excellent

A very nice sonnet. Each line is iambic pentameter, and it follows the abab cdcd dede ff rhyme scheme. It also contains a volta in the third stanza, a change of heart or viewpoint. And the last two lines summarize both view points.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 26-Jan-2025

Thank you, Aiona.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

I am glad to have read your author notes for I was at a loss for the a and E.
Good luck going forth. I am still trying to grasp what a sonnet may be literally and phonetically. I enjoy them reading them differently like lines 1-3-2-4 and repeating it for the other quatrains.

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 24-Jan-2025

Thanks, Tom.

Comment from Lana Marie

Excellent

The sonnets are hard to write and come up with with the required meter which I still don't 100% understand. But it looks like you did a great job. I love the ending lines here....

While winter makes demands on elderly,

our offspring frolic quite contentedly.

Is it so true that when we're young we love being out in it and as we get older, we have to be careful not to slip and fall.
Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 24-Jan-2025

Thank you, Lana Marie.