Lustre
A Lune4 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
I liked the word pallid .Here it has a strong effect .The small poem conveys much more than the the three little lines initial tell the reader . Hope is what we live by .all the best for the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2025
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I liked the word pallid .Here it has a strong effect .The small poem conveys much more than the the three little lines initial tell the reader . Hope is what we live by .all the best for the contest.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2025
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Thanks for reviewing and sharing zanya
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Zanya,
This poem makes me think that sometimes we are down for the count, feeling low. There are no leaves on the trees from late November through winter. The world is cold and foreboding. But that's when we are forced to hope. We hope for Spring initially when nature reawakens. Snow and ice melt. Buds form. Pussywillows, dandelions, and robins are wonderful signs. Hope brings a smile, shakes off that dark cloud overhead. We have survived. We're overcomers. Hope began when rays of sunlight streaked through those bare branches.
"pallid ray
of light thru bare tree
ignites hope" ... nice personification in your poem with a pallid ray of light igniting hope in our hearts, saving us from depression.
However, I must tell you... your poem is 3-5-3 syllables. But the lune form is 5-3-5 syllables. That is stated in the rules...
"Write a Lune for this poetry contest. It is a simple and fun form of poetry to write. It has 5 syllables in the first line, 3 syllables in the second line and 5 syllable in the final line. Rhymes are fine but not required. The subject matter is open."
I suggest an edit. Perhaps something like this:
(pallid rays of light
through bare trees
rouse hope in our hearts)
Good Luck in the contest! Thanks for sharing your talent.
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2025
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Hi Zanya,
This poem makes me think that sometimes we are down for the count, feeling low. There are no leaves on the trees from late November through winter. The world is cold and foreboding. But that's when we are forced to hope. We hope for Spring initially when nature reawakens. Snow and ice melt. Buds form. Pussywillows, dandelions, and robins are wonderful signs. Hope brings a smile, shakes off that dark cloud overhead. We have survived. We're overcomers. Hope began when rays of sunlight streaked through those bare branches.
"pallid ray
of light thru bare tree
ignites hope" ... nice personification in your poem with a pallid ray of light igniting hope in our hearts, saving us from depression.
However, I must tell you... your poem is 3-5-3 syllables. But the lune form is 5-3-5 syllables. That is stated in the rules...
"Write a Lune for this poetry contest. It is a simple and fun form of poetry to write. It has 5 syllables in the first line, 3 syllables in the second line and 5 syllable in the final line. Rhymes are fine but not required. The subject matter is open."
I suggest an edit. Perhaps something like this:
(pallid rays of light
through bare trees
rouse hope in our hearts)
Good Luck in the contest! Thanks for sharing your talent.
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 23-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2025
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And thank you for a great review and for spotting syllable count-much appreciated. zanya
Comment from Sally Law
Dear Zanya, a lovely written and illustrated lune for your contest entry. Light shone on nature bring us hope and we need that springtime hope in the grey of winter.
Sending you my best today as always, and my best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sal :)) Xos
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Dear Zanya, a lovely written and illustrated lune for your contest entry. Light shone on nature bring us hope and we need that springtime hope in the grey of winter.
Sending you my best today as always, and my best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sal :)) Xos
Comment Written 23-Jan-2025
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Zanya,
What a beautiful lune poem. I watch the sunrise and it is always so neat how the stark trees make the scenery that much better. I think it will inspire me to write a poem one day.
Great job and good luck in the contest
Cecilia
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Zanya,
What a beautiful lune poem. I watch the sunrise and it is always so neat how the stark trees make the scenery that much better. I think it will inspire me to write a poem one day.
Great job and good luck in the contest
Cecilia
Comment Written 23-Jan-2025
