Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Hmm, well, there is a mystery, and the reader doesn't yet know why Grayson went through all of this. Nor do we know why Alex, didn't turn and leave, seeing he was always at a disadvantage and lived only because Grayson let him. Also, his job of a dead or alive one. How would he even have taken Grayson in? How did Grayson even know who Dane was? So many questions left to answer.

notes:

notes:

Grayson's words"How far will you go before you realize who's really pulling the strings?"

-Grayson's words, "How far will you go before you realize who's really pulling the strings?"

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025

i'm going to go off topic for a minute coz i need a quetion answered.....is 4000 words too much to put up all at one time? i wrote another short story, a real tear jerker and i'd like to post it all at once but i don't want them coming after me with pitch forks or something for making it too long for 1 sitting

Comment from Lindsey Russell

Excellent

I feel bad that Alex was so loyal to people that were simply using him. Even though this is fiction, its themes sadly echo real life. Thank you for sharing and happy writing!

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025

is 4000 words too much to put up all at one time? i wrote another short story, a real tear jerker and i'd like to post it all at once but i don't want them coming after me with pitch forks or something for making it too long for 1 sitting

reply by Lindsey Russell on 11-Jan-2025

Idk I've posted several 5,000 word ones here though I try to keep everything under 5,000

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

This chapter has such tension. I loved the way you built that tension with every step Alex takes. The way you described the forest and the sense of being watched really pulled me in. I could almost feel the cold air and the weight of the silence. The way you went from Alex's sense of control to the realization that he's being manipulated was so well done. The final twist was a fantastic shock. It makes me want to keep reading! Keep it up!

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025

just hang on to you socks, this is a full length novel so the is lots more to come, just hope you don't get bored

Comment from Elias Noor

Excellent

A gripping and well-paced thriller with strong atmosphere and a compelling twist. With slightly more emotional depth and clearer stakes, this could be a standout scene in a larger narrative.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2025

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025

thanks