Crush the Candyman!
Anarchy in Candyland4 total reviews
Comment from Slo_6
This is a lively little story. It deserves some fun illustrations to make it a real adventure for kids.
This line is great, ""The Candyman Reigns, get over it, suckers." I'd really like to read more clever dialogue like this, maybe from Tony.
You're writing in a fairy tale or fable sort of style where the action and the events can roll out to the reader very quickly. Therefore, I'd suggest evaluating sentences, phrases, and ideas to ensure that they actually add to the story. For instance, you described Tony's "loyal assistant, The Red Raven," but this character doesn't appear anywhere else in the story. If that sentence is removed, no plot points are lost, and the story moves more quickly. But that character might be important to you. If so, make him important to me, the reader as well.
Here is another example, You wrote, "They devised a daring plan to infiltrate his lair, a candy factory that had become a fortress of fear." Readers might be able to fill in these details themselves. We can assume they made a plan, and "fortress of fear" isn't new information to us at this point.
Keep it up! Best wishes.
** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with the criteria outlined on the Q&A page.**
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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This is a lively little story. It deserves some fun illustrations to make it a real adventure for kids.
This line is great, ""The Candyman Reigns, get over it, suckers." I'd really like to read more clever dialogue like this, maybe from Tony.
You're writing in a fairy tale or fable sort of style where the action and the events can roll out to the reader very quickly. Therefore, I'd suggest evaluating sentences, phrases, and ideas to ensure that they actually add to the story. For instance, you described Tony's "loyal assistant, The Red Raven," but this character doesn't appear anywhere else in the story. If that sentence is removed, no plot points are lost, and the story moves more quickly. But that character might be important to you. If so, make him important to me, the reader as well.
Here is another example, You wrote, "They devised a daring plan to infiltrate his lair, a candy factory that had become a fortress of fear." Readers might be able to fill in these details themselves. We can assume they made a plan, and "fortress of fear" isn't new information to us at this point.
Keep it up! Best wishes.
** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with the criteria outlined on the Q&A page.**
Comment Written 21-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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Thank you for your wise and helpful reply. You make some good points.
Take care
Comment from LJbutterfly
I thoroughly enjoyed the way you tweaked my imagination. Your clear and creative descriptions allowed me to easily envision Candyland. I loved the clever name, Tony "the Twizzler" Tinkerbell. Your plot was well developed and your well paced story flowed to a satisfying end. Best wishes in the contest.
misfitsâ and dreamersâ (not sure what these words mean)
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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I thoroughly enjoyed the way you tweaked my imagination. Your clear and creative descriptions allowed me to easily envision Candyland. I loved the clever name, Tony "the Twizzler" Tinkerbell. Your plot was well developed and your well paced story flowed to a satisfying end. Best wishes in the contest.
misfitsâ and dreamersâ (not sure what these words mean)
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Thank you for your lovely review.
Misfits and dreamers just gremlins that crept in!
Best wishes
Comment from Bill Schott
When the Candyman becomes a tyrant, thank goodness the Black Jacks and the ever-up-for-it Tony Tinkerbell appear to give the gone-sour "Can't He" Man the "gum dop" off the Macaroon Mountain.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2024
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When the Candyman becomes a tyrant, thank goodness the Black Jacks and the ever-up-for-it Tony Tinkerbell appear to give the gone-sour "Can't He" Man the "gum dop" off the Macaroon Mountain.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2024
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Hi Bill
Smashing review with a great sense of humour I was considering a pump action automatic for aniseed balls.
Take care
Comment from Wendy G
That's very imaginative and well written, and doubtless has several layers of interpretation, which makes it even better. I am glad that good triumphed over evil. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2024
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That's very imaginative and well written, and doubtless has several layers of interpretation, which makes it even better. I am glad that good triumphed over evil. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2024
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Thank you for your kind words.
Take care.