Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

I thought this was wonderful. The subtle exchange between them, filled with warmth and sincerity, was so enjoyable to read. And it felt so real which I guess it is! I found your story to be engaging and touching. It shows how a simple conversation can lead to a wonderful memory.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2024

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024

Thanks very much, Michael. It was a difficult time in my life, and the appearance of this person was akin to miraculous.

Comment from SimianSavant

Excellent

Thanks for sharing. I will just comment on this from a technical perspective. It feels a little fragmented at the beginning, and there are changes in verb tenses. Each line of dialogue should have its own double line break, especially when writing for an online format.

My daughter is- Sweetheart?" <= I found this confusing

I am now fighting to not lose my shit in front of this perfect, aged, stranger that just opened up her life to me <= WHO opened up her life. The word "that" is for things; "who" is for people.

the elder lady <= elderly lady

Hope this is helpful.

Regards,

SS

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2024

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024

Hey Simian - just a follow up. I adjusted her question at the end of her fragmented sentence: "sweetheart?" where she stopped and looked at me.
Also, "who" instead of "that."
The "elder" used here is referring to the eldest of the two (mother/daughter).
Can you point out the verb tense changes you're referring to? I'm afraid I still struggle with spacing, indention, etc.

Thank you again!