The Sad Saga of Dandy Dan
A poker game with the highest of stakes...81 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This is great story-telling, Dean. The presentation, as always, blows me away. The tension builds nicely as I don't know whether I'll see Dan survive and all good things win out, or if an ironic twist will give Satan the final hand. Riveting and entertaining!
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This is great story-telling, Dean. The presentation, as always, blows me away. The tension builds nicely as I don't know whether I'll see Dan survive and all good things win out, or if an ironic twist will give Satan the final hand. Riveting and entertaining!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from Nosha17
I can quite see this being set to music, and sung by a Marty Robbins style singer. It was fabulous, what a marathon poem and luckily for me there wasn't much mention of blood! It flowed and it rhymed so smoothly, the story was great, the visuals were wonderful and I wish you much luck in the contest. Faye
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I can quite see this being set to music, and sung by a Marty Robbins style singer. It was fabulous, what a marathon poem and luckily for me there wasn't much mention of blood! It flowed and it rhymed so smoothly, the story was great, the visuals were wonderful and I wish you much luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from Domino 2
Hi, Dean.
I'm afraid this is rather long for me to concentrate and give a detailed review, however brilliant it is.
Some great names, in 'Dandy Dan' and 'Shady lady saloon'.
Terrific story in a poem, with a happy ending.
Mind you, I always thought a 'royal flush' beat a 'full house' in poker. No wonder I always lost, and I hope the none of my opponents were the devil in disguise. :-)
Best wishes, Ray
ADDED: I JUST READ 'HUMPWHISTLE'S' REVIEW (I SHOULD GET OUT MORE, LOL), AND HE HAS A GOOD POINT. IMHO. I KNEW SOMETHING DIDN'T QUITE CLICK WITH ME, DEAN, AND MAYBE THAT'S IT.
ALL THE BEST, MY TALENTED FRIEND.
RAY
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Hi, Dean.
I'm afraid this is rather long for me to concentrate and give a detailed review, however brilliant it is.
Some great names, in 'Dandy Dan' and 'Shady lady saloon'.
Terrific story in a poem, with a happy ending.
Mind you, I always thought a 'royal flush' beat a 'full house' in poker. No wonder I always lost, and I hope the none of my opponents were the devil in disguise. :-)
Best wishes, Ray
ADDED: I JUST READ 'HUMPWHISTLE'S' REVIEW (I SHOULD GET OUT MORE, LOL), AND HE HAS A GOOD POINT. IMHO. I KNEW SOMETHING DIDN'T QUITE CLICK WITH ME, DEAN, AND MAYBE THAT'S IT.
ALL THE BEST, MY TALENTED FRIEND.
RAY
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from Aussie
Grrreat presentation for your story/poem. Buzzards swooped 'round the Shady Lady Saloon' loved that description. You must have searched high and low for all the applicable illustrations? You deserve to win the contest with this fantastic story/poem. I loved it - good luck cowboy!
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Grrreat presentation for your story/poem. Buzzards swooped 'round the Shady Lady Saloon' loved that description. You must have searched high and low for all the applicable illustrations? You deserve to win the contest with this fantastic story/poem. I loved it - good luck cowboy!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Enjoyed this a lot... always good to see the Devil lose. Just one thing, here:
A straight flush, all black, the Devil had drawn;
Ace, King, Queen, Jack of spades; ten of clubs.
This is NOT a straight flush, but merely a straight, since the ten is a club, not a spade. A straight flush must be all the same suit, not the same color. You need to remove the word FLUSH and call it just a STRAIGHT, but I'm sure you can add in another one-syllable word in that line to keep the rhythm right.
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Enjoyed this a lot... always good to see the Devil lose. Just one thing, here:
A straight flush, all black, the Devil had drawn;
Ace, King, Queen, Jack of spades; ten of clubs.
This is NOT a straight flush, but merely a straight, since the ten is a club, not a spade. A straight flush must be all the same suit, not the same color. You need to remove the word FLUSH and call it just a STRAIGHT, but I'm sure you can add in another one-syllable word in that line to keep the rhythm right.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from DR DIP
Wow what an epic rhyme you have presented s here with Deano!
I love your story poems, you are the master!
And you definitely have a full deck.... but you will always be the joker in my eyes!
just a couple of suggestions for perfect ABAB rhyme throughout take them with a grain of salt because the poem is still perfect in my eyes:
The Shady Lady Saloon, well -- it was soon filled;
no -- there wasn't an empty seat to be found.
This place where many a sly gambler was killed,
most wanted the stranger to take old Dan down.
consider:
The Shady Lady Saloon, well -- it was soon filled;
no -- there wasn't an empty seat going down
This place where many a sly gambler was killed,
most wanted the stranger to take old Dan, renown!
Dan looked at his card, King of Hearts, and he grinned;
his opponent showed no emotion at all.
Beelzebub screamed, "Now the game shall begin!"
Spectators watched Satan's ace of spades fall...
consider:
Dan looked at his card, King of Hearts, with a grin;
his opponent showed no emotion at all.
Beelzebub screamed, "Now the game shall begin!"
Spectators watched Satan's ace of spades fall...
"For I have your soul, as your daughter survived,
I've got your dear mother's and father's souls, too.
I want your baby girl, with those sweet, hazel eyes,
or, quit now and fold, it's all up to you."
consider:
"For I have your soul, as your daughter survives"
I've got your dear mother's and father's souls, too.
I want your baby girl, with those sweet, hazel eyes,
or, quit now and fold, it's all up to you."
Dan grinned so wide, it lit up the room;
"Whose quittin, just shut up -- deal the cards."
"As you wish," said the Devil, certain that soon,
this slick gambler would be tortured and charred.
consider:
Dan grinned so wide, it lit up the room;
"Whose quittin, just shut up -- deal a card!."
"As you wish," said the Devil, certain that soon,
this slick gambler would be tortured and charred.
A straight flush, all black, the Devil had drawn;
Ace, King, Queen, Jack of spades -- ten of clubs.
He stared down the gambler, his gullible pawn,
Sheriff Janson nearly choked on his grub...
consider:
A straight flush, all black, the Devil had drawn;
Ace, King, Queen, Jack of spades; ten of club.
He stared down the gambler, his gullible pawn,
Sheriff Janson nearly choked on his grub...
Dandy Dan donned his stetson, then, one at a time,
came three aces, followed soon by two kings.
Full house, aces high, church bells started to chime,
the Baptist choir, they all started to sing.
consider:
Dandy Dan donned his stetson, then, one at a time,
came three aces, followed soon by two kings.
Full house, aces high, church bells started to chime,
the Baptist choir, with a congregation that rings.
Getting up from the table, the devil walked out,
saddled his black steed, then rode off towards the sun.
Dan coughed and he hacked 'til a black mass flew out
hit the wooden planks of the floor like a ton.
consider:
Getting up from the table, the devil walked out,
saddled his black steed, then rode off towards the sun.
Dan coughed and he hacked 'til a black mass flew about
hit the wooden planks of the floor like a ton.
just suggestions for perfect ABAB rhyme
as always dip
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Wow what an epic rhyme you have presented s here with Deano!
I love your story poems, you are the master!
And you definitely have a full deck.... but you will always be the joker in my eyes!
just a couple of suggestions for perfect ABAB rhyme throughout take them with a grain of salt because the poem is still perfect in my eyes:
The Shady Lady Saloon, well -- it was soon filled;
no -- there wasn't an empty seat to be found.
This place where many a sly gambler was killed,
most wanted the stranger to take old Dan down.
consider:
The Shady Lady Saloon, well -- it was soon filled;
no -- there wasn't an empty seat going down
This place where many a sly gambler was killed,
most wanted the stranger to take old Dan, renown!
Dan looked at his card, King of Hearts, and he grinned;
his opponent showed no emotion at all.
Beelzebub screamed, "Now the game shall begin!"
Spectators watched Satan's ace of spades fall...
consider:
Dan looked at his card, King of Hearts, with a grin;
his opponent showed no emotion at all.
Beelzebub screamed, "Now the game shall begin!"
Spectators watched Satan's ace of spades fall...
"For I have your soul, as your daughter survived,
I've got your dear mother's and father's souls, too.
I want your baby girl, with those sweet, hazel eyes,
or, quit now and fold, it's all up to you."
consider:
"For I have your soul, as your daughter survives"
I've got your dear mother's and father's souls, too.
I want your baby girl, with those sweet, hazel eyes,
or, quit now and fold, it's all up to you."
Dan grinned so wide, it lit up the room;
"Whose quittin, just shut up -- deal the cards."
"As you wish," said the Devil, certain that soon,
this slick gambler would be tortured and charred.
consider:
Dan grinned so wide, it lit up the room;
"Whose quittin, just shut up -- deal a card!."
"As you wish," said the Devil, certain that soon,
this slick gambler would be tortured and charred.
A straight flush, all black, the Devil had drawn;
Ace, King, Queen, Jack of spades -- ten of clubs.
He stared down the gambler, his gullible pawn,
Sheriff Janson nearly choked on his grub...
consider:
A straight flush, all black, the Devil had drawn;
Ace, King, Queen, Jack of spades; ten of club.
He stared down the gambler, his gullible pawn,
Sheriff Janson nearly choked on his grub...
Dandy Dan donned his stetson, then, one at a time,
came three aces, followed soon by two kings.
Full house, aces high, church bells started to chime,
the Baptist choir, they all started to sing.
consider:
Dandy Dan donned his stetson, then, one at a time,
came three aces, followed soon by two kings.
Full house, aces high, church bells started to chime,
the Baptist choir, with a congregation that rings.
Getting up from the table, the devil walked out,
saddled his black steed, then rode off towards the sun.
Dan coughed and he hacked 'til a black mass flew out
hit the wooden planks of the floor like a ton.
consider:
Getting up from the table, the devil walked out,
saddled his black steed, then rode off towards the sun.
Dan coughed and he hacked 'til a black mass flew about
hit the wooden planks of the floor like a ton.
just suggestions for perfect ABAB rhyme
as always dip
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Thanks a million, dip, both for the exceptional rating and those fine suggestions. I did implement some of them and made the changes you suggested.
Thanks again, my friend, and welcome home!
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Dan grinned so wide, it lit up the saloon;
"Whose quittin, just shut up -- deal a card!."
"As you wish," said the Devil, certain that soon,
this slick gambler would be tortured and charred.
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I changed it, but wrote shut up -- deal the card." instead of "a" card.
:>}
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nice!
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
Ten O Clubs, curses, foiled again. At first I thought he had the Royale Flush, and I'm thinking, 'No way.' Terrific story/poem Dean; I'm all for Dan. Kenny
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Ten O Clubs, curses, foiled again. At first I thought he had the Royale Flush, and I'm thinking, 'No way.' Terrific story/poem Dean; I'm all for Dan. Kenny
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Hah, well, you aren't the only one who has thought that, Kenny. That's why I wrote it the way I did, it forces the reader to really read it as I sneakily slipped the club in there amongst all those spades. And you read it my friend, you certainly did...
Thanks again, and much obliged, pardner!
~DK~
Comment from Hareem.S
This is an excellent poem with great themes. It has very vivid imagery and the poem has an original point of view. It was a pleasure to read this poem with an amazing rhyme.
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This is an excellent poem with great themes. It has very vivid imagery and the poem has an original point of view. It was a pleasure to read this poem with an amazing rhyme.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from Dawn Munro
Well, Dean, once again your mastery shows at presentation and at writing poetry, but my friend - what are you doing next Saturday? Care for a game of five-card?
(LOL - a full house doesn't beat a straight flush, and the spade straight flush to the Ace is the highest hand one can hold in poker - it's called a Royal flush. *smile*)
1) "Who's quittin'..." << abbreviation for 'who is' -not 'whose'
2) "Dear Lord, you known..." << did you mean, 'You knew'?
Well done, my friend, and as always, extremely entertaining reading. You rock!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Well, Dean, once again your mastery shows at presentation and at writing poetry, but my friend - what are you doing next Saturday? Care for a game of five-card?
(LOL - a full house doesn't beat a straight flush, and the spade straight flush to the Ace is the highest hand one can hold in poker - it's called a Royal flush. *smile*)
1) "Who's quittin'..." << abbreviation for 'who is' -not 'whose'
2) "Dear Lord, you known..." << did you mean, 'You knew'?
Well done, my friend, and as always, extremely entertaining reading. You rock!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Yeah, you're right, Dawn. But one of the devil's cards was a club while all of the rest were spades. Remember, he had the ten of clubs, then all spades? And according to pokerstars.com http://www.pokerstars.com/poker/games/rules/hand-rankings/, a full house beats a straight no matter what. A straight flush, where all of the cards are the same suit, no, and certainly not a straight flush. There are only 3 hands that beat a Full House - Four of a kind, Straight Flush and Royal Flush. But the old Devil had four spades and a club. Dandy Dan's clearly the winner...
As for those errors, I corrected them, and thanks a bunch for pointing those out!
Oh, and you rock too!
~DK~
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Yes, a full house beats a straight, but not a straight flush. A straight flush beats everything when it is a straight flush to the Ace, and the highest hand is in the suit of spades. However, I did miss that the devil had a ten of clubs - LOL!!! - NOT the right suit; it WASN'T a flush if there weren't five cards of the same suit. (The loser! LOL) :)
You're most welcome.
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:>}
Are my horns pokin' out now, LOL?
Thanks again, Dawn!
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:)
Comment from rouskin
Dan became legend, his story often told,of how he defeated the odds on that day.... Looks like a winner to me Best of luck in the contest!
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Dan became legend, his story often told,of how he defeated the odds on that day.... Looks like a winner to me Best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014