Cold Dead Hands
One girl's personal struggle to survive nuclear winter.64 total reviews
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer does a good job of drawing the reader in from the start. The writer makes this story exciting and really sends chills to the reader. The transitions this piece well and does a good job of taking the reader where the reader needs to go. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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The writer does a good job of drawing the reader in from the start. The writer makes this story exciting and really sends chills to the reader. The transitions this piece well and does a good job of taking the reader where the reader needs to go. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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Thanks RR. I am glad you felt the icy grip of these Cold Dead Hands...
Comment from barkingdog
This is a great horror story. His account of the last days may someday be discovered when the planet is reinhabited. Kind of a final report of what mankind did to itself.
Very well written. It gives one something to think about.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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This is a great horror story. His account of the last days may someday be discovered when the planet is reinhabited. Kind of a final report of what mankind did to itself.
Very well written. It gives one something to think about.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Thaanks BD for the read and review. It is appreciated.
Comment from unimatrix001
This is truly great writing, so I am being extra picky on some of the finer points. No offense.
Question: Why the chapter breaks?
Hell, considering my circumstances[,] I presently find myself in - maybe the, instead of my
to barely a mere peephole - barely is redundant
Why was I was spared? - extra was
thousands all over the world[,] not and just here. - add comma, remove the word "and"
My eyes pop abruptly open[,] and my heart is racing. It is freezing in here yet I am covered[,] head to toe[,] in sweat. - compound sentence and parenthetic expression.
This is supposed to be a journal we are reading, so why is he studdering at the end? Sure he is cold, but why is he studdering in his writing?
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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This is truly great writing, so I am being extra picky on some of the finer points. No offense.
Question: Why the chapter breaks?
Hell, considering my circumstances[,] I presently find myself in - maybe the, instead of my
to barely a mere peephole - barely is redundant
Why was I was spared? - extra was
thousands all over the world[,] not and just here. - add comma, remove the word "and"
My eyes pop abruptly open[,] and my heart is racing. It is freezing in here yet I am covered[,] head to toe[,] in sweat. - compound sentence and parenthetic expression.
This is supposed to be a journal we are reading, so why is he studdering at the end? Sure he is cold, but why is he studdering in his writing?
Comment Written 03-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Thanks forthe read and the impromptu editing. I will look into correcting the obvious mistakes you've addressed.
Comment from Tigerman
Great stuff Dean. Fascinating thought being a modern day Robinson Crusoe marooned in a dead city and faced with all the gruesome aftermath of catastrophe. I thought your survivor displayed exactly the right thought processes and made the sort of discoveries you would expect in his situation. It all looked credible, tinged with the right level of horror and uncertainty. I have only one negative comment, and I think it is serious as it damages the story's otherwise good credibility. He is writing his notes for posterity. He would certainly not write down his stuttering sounds as he shivered in the cold.
The rest is great and I look forward to reading more.
All the best
Tigerman
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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Great stuff Dean. Fascinating thought being a modern day Robinson Crusoe marooned in a dead city and faced with all the gruesome aftermath of catastrophe. I thought your survivor displayed exactly the right thought processes and made the sort of discoveries you would expect in his situation. It all looked credible, tinged with the right level of horror and uncertainty. I have only one negative comment, and I think it is serious as it damages the story's otherwise good credibility. He is writing his notes for posterity. He would certainly not write down his stuttering sounds as he shivered in the cold.
The rest is great and I look forward to reading more.
All the best
Tigerman
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Thank you for the read and review Tigerman. The part you have doubts about? My protagonist is no longer writing, but speaking to you, or even worse, to himself. Here is an except from very near the end. It (the stuttering) only occurs in the very last paragraph...Obviously, I can no longer relay to yuh-you in writing anymore. There just isn't enough light to duh-do s-so." I will attempt to edit the stroy to make this point clearer to the reader. Thanks again, I appreciate it!