Comment from G.B. Smith

Excellent

Hi Jan. It seems we both have had a long absence. I really enjoyed this story. Sometimes the stories that come in the middle of the night can produce superb results. This one did.
Bear

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009

Thanks for the great review. :-) I so appreciate your kind words.
Jani

Comment from Readywriter52

Excellent

This is a good fairy tale. Our hero gets the Quaffel's feather without killing the bird and marries Hilda, the one whose beauty is on the inside.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009

Thanks for the great review. :-)
Jani

Comment from CALLAHANMR

Excellent

Hi Jani-Lou:)
What an amazing faerie tale. The good heart wins the Quaffel's gift of a golden feather and the ugly princess with the good heart learns that the ugliness of a troll can reval a prince or so I interpret it.

I noted one typo:You are [wize ==> wise], as well as handsome



And of course they lived happily ever after. Good luck in the contest.

Roger

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009

Thank you so much, Roger! Exactly! I have corrected the typo/error. I should have caught that one! :-)
So glad you enjoyed it.
Hugs,
Jani

Comment from Blaidd Drwg

Excellent

Janilou, this is a fabulous story. All the right characters, but more importantly a fantasy story in the truest of traditions. Lovely writing, by the way; compelling, flowing, lovely descriptions, great dialog, and a fun plot. If there were any spelling or grammatical errors I didn't notice--I was way too absorbed.

John

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009

Thank you so much, John! I am honored by your very kind words.
Jani

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

I enjoyed the imaginative storyline and the interesting characters. Well done, Jani! Only noticed one spelling nit- You are wize, (wise)

But have read only once through and there may be more.

The only other nit i have is the didactic tone of the closing. i think a story should deliver its moral through showing and not telling. You successfully accomplish this in your story, so I felt there is not need to tell us the moral at the end.

That is, of course, just a matter of personal taste.

Bravo. Best of luck in the contest.

Warmly r d

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009

Thank you so much! I have corrected that silly nit. :-)
Normally I would agree with you on the ending, but I wrote this in the fashion of an old-fashioned fairy tale, and wanted to present it in that way. If I get more complaints, I will have to re-consider. :-) I always appreciate your thoughts and opinions.
Hugs,
Jani

reply by rama devi on 06-Aug-2009

Of course, you must keep it in the way that is most satisfying to your own muse, dear Jani! It is not 'wrong' at all - and some readers ma like the old style flavor.

The tale does read with a scent of ancient storytelling tone.

:)

HUGS, rd

Comment from Sallyo

Good

Lovely story, Janilou:-) I take your point over the borrowed computer and found only one spelling error anyway - wize for wise. However, I think this could benefit from a few fewer adjectives in the first passage.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009

Thanks, Sallyo. I will take a look at that point. :-) I've corrected the spelling error.
Jani

Comment from Belinda

Excellent

An interesting story. A troll that looks like a prince, a princess that looks like a hag, finally get married. As the prince says and the Queen agrees:"... real beauty does not lie in one's physical appearance, but in the heart." Well told, good entry to the contest.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009

Thanks, Belinda! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Jani

Comment from Dave M

Excellent

Jan,

Haven't seen you around much lately, but this story was worth waiting for. I enjoyed reading it, and despite your words of caution, I couldn't find anything to criticize.

It's the age-old differece between surficial beauty and beauty of the heart.

Dave

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009

Thank you so much, Dave. :-) I so appreciate your comments.
Hugs,
Jani