empty beer bottles
For now we see through a glass, darkly.80 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
empty beer bottles
glint in kitchen bay window--
amber rays of grain'
I loved these lines immediately. Brilliant work Cat all my love Meia x
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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empty beer bottles
glint in kitchen bay window--
amber rays of grain'
I loved these lines immediately. Brilliant work Cat all my love Meia x
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Meia, for your review, and for pointing out the lines you loved immediately.
Comment from robyn corum
Andre,
I have seen several entries for this tanka contest - but yours is the first tanka. *smile* I really enjoyed the presentation and the images. Very clever and fun. Good luck!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Andre,
I have seen several entries for this tanka contest - but yours is the first tanka. *smile* I really enjoyed the presentation and the images. Very clever and fun. Good luck!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Oh, thank you, Robyn, for your review, compliments, and good luck on my tanka. Within the first five minutes of my two hour walk on Saturday, I saw empty beer bottles in a second floor kitchen window of a nearby condo. I began to write and sketch on the spot, and then continued my walk to take notes on a circling vulture, a feral cat stalking prey in a field, ducks swimming in algae, but my mind kept returning to those beer bottles. I hoped to get back in time to take a picture of them, but the sun was setting. I imagined the bottles' prisms and shadows climbing and fading on the wall, so I incorporated that into my poem. By the time I returned home, it was dark and my poem was finished. Thanks again.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Tanka inspired by the beer bottles in the window that plays with the in rays bringing light flashes into the kitchen until sunset when it fades and the drinking begins.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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A very well-written Tanka inspired by the beer bottles in the window that plays with the in rays bringing light flashes into the kitchen until sunset when it fades and the drinking begins.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Yes, Sandra, and we can imagine that come morning there will be more empty bottles on the windowsill! Thank you for your review and compliments on my well-written Tanka.
Comment from Ulla
Uhhh, Andre, I like this a lot, and really, quite a lot! I don't know, it just gave me such a wonderful visual image. They, the bottles, are lined up awaiting the the night's drinking to start. Wonderful imagery. Good luck in the contest. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Uhhh, Andre, I like this a lot, and really, quite a lot! I don't know, it just gave me such a wonderful visual image. They, the bottles, are lined up awaiting the the night's drinking to start. Wonderful imagery. Good luck in the contest. Ulla:))
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Oh, thank you, Ulla, for your generous six star review and for wishing me good luck in the contest. Within the first five minutes of my two hour walk on Saturday, I saw empty beer bottles in a second floor kitchen window of a nearby condo. I began to write and sketch on the spot, and then continued my walk to take notes on a circling vulture, a feral cat stalking prey in a field, ducks swimming in algae, but my mind kept returning to those beer bottles. I hoped to get back in time to take a picture of them, but the sun was setting. I imagined the bottles' prisms and shadows climbing and fading on the wall, so I incorporated that into my poem. By the time I returned home, it was dark and my poem was finished. Thanks again.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
amber rays of grain
climb the wall toward sunset
An excellent descriptive piece, this being my favorite as I picture the bottles shadows in different hues as they spread up the wall, awaiting the evening
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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amber rays of grain
climb the wall toward sunset
An excellent descriptive piece, this being my favorite as I picture the bottles shadows in different hues as they spread up the wall, awaiting the evening
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Yes, Barb, thank you for your review and for pointing out your favorite lines. Within the first five minutes of my two hour walk on Saturday, I saw empty beer bottles in a second floor kitchen window of a nearby condo. I began to write and sketch on the spot, and then continued my walk, but my mind kept returning to those beer bottles. I hoped to get back in time to take a picture, but the sun was setting. I imagined the bottles' prisms and shadows climbing and fading on the wall, so I incorporated that into my poem. By the time I returned home, it was dark and my poem was finished. Thanks again.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Anybody up for a beer run? This is an excellent piece of Tanka. You should do very well in the contest. Contests are hard to win. There are a lot of talented writers on this site.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Anybody up for a beer run? This is an excellent piece of Tanka. You should do very well in the contest. Contests are hard to win. There are a lot of talented writers on this site.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Oh, Thomas, I don't drink beer, which makes this poem more surprising for me. Within the first five minutes of my two hour walk on Saturday, I saw empty beer bottles in a second floor kitchen window of a nearby condo. I began to write as I continued my walk. I hoped to return in time to take a picture of them, but the sun was setting. I imagined the bottles' prisms and shadows climbing and fading on the wall and that the homeowner would drink more that night, so I incorporated that into my poem. By the time I returned home, it was dark and my poem was finished. Thanks again.
Comment from RGstar
Yes, Andre, I see the artistry here. I like the ambiance with light, rays and grain...climbing walls...gives the imagination colour, as well a vivid imagery.
Well thought through.
My best.
Have a great day.
RG
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Yes, Andre, I see the artistry here. I like the ambiance with light, rays and grain...climbing walls...gives the imagination colour, as well a vivid imagery.
Well thought through.
My best.
Have a great day.
RG
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you, RG, for your review and for noting my poem's artistry. Within the first five minutes of my two hour walk on Saturday, I saw empty beer bottles in a second floor kitchen window of a nearby condo. I began to write during my walk. I hoped to return in time to take a picture of them, but the sun was setting. I imagined the bottles' prisms and shadows climbing and fading on the wall, so I incorporated that into my poem. By the time I returned home, it was dark and my poem was finished. Thanks again.
Comment from Janet Foor
Some bottles are just too nice or unique to throw away but placed in a window really brings out their color beautifully.
I enjoyed your well written tanka Andre. I've been working on a few but not ready to post them yet.
The first two lines are grammatically connected and paint a picture in time. The pivot line is just perfect. I loved it.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Some bottles are just too nice or unique to throw away but placed in a window really brings out their color beautifully.
I enjoyed your well written tanka Andre. I've been working on a few but not ready to post them yet.
The first two lines are grammatically connected and paint a picture in time. The pivot line is just perfect. I loved it.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Yes, Janet, I worked hard on that pivot line. At the beginning of a two hour walk around town on Saturday, I saw empty beer bottles in a kitchen window and began to write. I had four-and-a-half miles to walk, so I continued to write and revise my poem, placing emphasis on my pivot line.
Thank you also for wishing me good luck in the contest.
Comment from Brigitte Elko
Well written Tanka Poetry contest entry. I liked the line "amber rays of grain" which signifies the content of beer. Good luck in the contest. The picture you chose is excellent as it represents the content perfectly.
Have a great day!
:)Brigitte
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Well written Tanka Poetry contest entry. I liked the line "amber rays of grain" which signifies the content of beer. Good luck in the contest. The picture you chose is excellent as it represents the content perfectly.
Have a great day!
:)Brigitte
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Brigitte, for your review and for wishing my Tanka good luck in the contest. During a two hour walk on Saturday, I saw empty beer bottles in a window. I began to write and sketch them, and then continued walking and writing. I hoped to return in time to photograph them once I realized I had a poem, but the sun already set, so I found a picture on FanArtReview instead.
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My pleasure.
:)Brigitte
Comment from Jay Squires
So obvious, your mama passed on her brilliance to her son.
For the investment of the reader's time, there is ALWAYS value added. You leave the reader with powerful feeling-tones that expand out of the image created in the first four lines but go beyond it in the last ....
There is left lingering in the final line a tincture of sadness, solitariness of the drinking that will contribute to more empty bottles by morning.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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So obvious, your mama passed on her brilliance to her son.
For the investment of the reader's time, there is ALWAYS value added. You leave the reader with powerful feeling-tones that expand out of the image created in the first four lines but go beyond it in the last ....
There is left lingering in the final line a tincture of sadness, solitariness of the drinking that will contribute to more empty bottles by morning.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Yes, Jay, my mama passed her brilliance to me.
Armed with pen and pad in hand, I began a two hour walk around town on Saturday. When I saw empty beer bottles in a kitchen window, I began to sketch and write on the spot, and then continued to write and revise for four-and-a-half miles. I hoped to return in time to take a photo, but the sun was setting. I imagined another night of drinking in that house and that by morning more bottles will collect on the windowsill.
Thank you for your review and encouraging support of my work.
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You are always welcome and deserving, Andre.
By the way, I'm going to do my first poetry reading on open mic night, the first Friday in February. Old hat to you, but I'm pee-in-my-pants scared. I'l do it, though. I downloaded the Audacity app and ordered a mic from Amazon, so I'm having a lot of fun emoting fear and laughter and tears. Yep, all fun.
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Great for you! I wish you well. You?ll succeed.