Jaime
A tale of a summer friendship57 total reviews
Comment from Debbie Noland
Love the nostalgic flavor of this, Rod. It is a nice chronicle of a summer relationship in a refreshingly innocent time and place. Your meter, rhyme, and enjambment give the narrative energy and movement. The poem is an altogether pleasant read.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Love the nostalgic flavor of this, Rod. It is a nice chronicle of a summer relationship in a refreshingly innocent time and place. Your meter, rhyme, and enjambment give the narrative energy and movement. The poem is an altogether pleasant read.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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So pleased to share "Jaime" with you, Debbie. I am delighted you enjoyed the "nostalgic flavor" and my technique. Rod
Comment from Glasstruth
Those sweet haunting memories are precious. I have a few of those where I wonder what if? Pete was a bit too honest saying he's never kissed a girl. I guess that age honesty seems right. Either way, it's a memory for sure. Nice rhyming throughout. Great job! Les
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Those sweet haunting memories are precious. I have a few of those where I wonder what if? Pete was a bit too honest saying he's never kissed a girl. I guess that age honesty seems right. Either way, it's a memory for sure. Nice rhyming throughout. Great job! Les
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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I really like your choice of "haunting" to describe the mood of "Jaime." Pete[y] appears in several other stories & poems I've posted on FS. Check out "First Kiss" where he receives his REAL first kiss. Thanks for sharing, Les.
Rod
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is a wonderful heartwarming story of how 2 people of the opposite sex can just be friends. Your rhymes are good and I like the near rhyme of cinnamon/chin. Good luck in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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This is a wonderful heartwarming story of how 2 people of the opposite sex can just be friends. Your rhymes are good and I like the near rhyme of cinnamon/chin. Good luck in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Ah, Teresa, it's always a pleasure to share a poem with you. I am delighted your found "Jaime" to be a "heartwarming" story. Rod
Comment from CD Richards
Yeah, this is brilliant - damn - you just made me break one of my own rules. It wasn't until I got to the end that I realised it was a contest entry.
Anyway, the way you portray the friendship of these two young people is just so well done. The picture, a perfect fit; and the rhyme and meter spot on.
Good luck in the contest - I don't expect you'll need it.
Craig
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Yeah, this is brilliant - damn - you just made me break one of my own rules. It wasn't until I got to the end that I realised it was a contest entry.
Anyway, the way you portray the friendship of these two young people is just so well done. The picture, a perfect fit; and the rhyme and meter spot on.
Good luck in the contest - I don't expect you'll need it.
Craig
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Wow! I don't think I've ever had a poem (or story) of mine called "brilliant" before. I am both thrilled and humbled by your response to "Jaime." Thank you so much, Craig.
Rod
Comment from artemis53
What a lovely write for a calm night. I was there seeing and feeling the inward thoughts and ties. Funny how a face of today can take us back and we live it all over again.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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What a lovely write for a calm night. I was there seeing and feeling the inward thoughts and ties. Funny how a face of today can take us back and we live it all over again.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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What a pleasure to know that "Jaime" could "put you there" and "take you back." Thanks so much for sharing, artemis.
Rod
Comment from Jay Squires
I loved this poem, Rod. It is so innocent, yet honest in its presentation. The temptation would have been to carry the kiss further--to drain the emotion out of the scene.
But to have done that would have been to spoil the innocent charm.
Congratulations on the fine poem.
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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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I loved this poem, Rod. It is so innocent, yet honest in its presentation. The temptation would have been to carry the kiss further--to drain the emotion out of the scene.
But to have done that would have been to spoil the innocent charm.
Congratulations on the fine poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Hi Jay. I am delighted to have shared "Jaime" with you and certainly welcome your very kind response. I have used Pete in prior poems and stories. You might want to check out his REAL first kiss in a poem I posted much earlier--"First Kiss."
Rod
Comment from inside echo
I have to give you a 6 for this. It is so tenderly, gently and beautifully written. The innocence, and true deep friendship you shared is loud and clear in every word you wrote. The memory you took from that summer is ... wow. I sure hope this is a real and true story, because it is those sorts of experiences that define the type of adult you became. To also recall that innocence with an adult mind is truly beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this. Good luck in your contest.
tgc
echo
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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I have to give you a 6 for this. It is so tenderly, gently and beautifully written. The innocence, and true deep friendship you shared is loud and clear in every word you wrote. The memory you took from that summer is ... wow. I sure hope this is a real and true story, because it is those sorts of experiences that define the type of adult you became. To also recall that innocence with an adult mind is truly beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this. Good luck in your contest.
tgc
echo
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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I am thrilled and humbled by your wonderful praise of "Jaime." I am especially pleased you like my style of writing. I try to write for the EVERYMAN reader (especially younger readers). Peter [Baron Johnson] is a character I have used in several stories & poems I have posted on FS. Check out his REAL first kiss in a poem titled "First Kiss."
Again, thank you very much! Rod
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You are most welcome. It was a great pleasure to read your poems. I very much liked this in particular. I just loved the innocence about it, and the endearing friendship. I will read First Kiss as well. Thank you for writing the way you do and for sharing it with us.
tgc
echo
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Hi echo. I made a mistake. Read "Spellbound" instead. It is on page 7 of my portfolio. Thanks again. Rod
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ok, going there now.