A Dapper Crow of Blackest Coat
My time's run out...108 total reviews
Comment from Tegan1311
This is a very well written poem with great artwork that really fits the poem. Your poem reminded me a little of "the raven" (one of my favs) and read almost like a short story. Your words flowed well and your descriptions were very visual. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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This is a very well written poem with great artwork that really fits the poem. Your poem reminded me a little of "the raven" (one of my favs) and read almost like a short story. Your words flowed well and your descriptions were very visual. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Tegan1311. I appreciate your kind review, but mostly your references to Poe, my idol as far as poetry goes.
Thanks again!:}
Comment from Erik McGinley
, my dear, - last comma should be a full stop
to usher - capital T
Both the above for personification and cadence.
must -- you
No need for hyphenation. It's a confident bird as you tell it. So .. "you must. You will."
Excellent poem! I rarely bother to correct the many errors I find but I don't mind correcting the few.
I'd six this but the standard has been so high last week that I am worried I may regret it later.
With luck we will ;)
'neath my warm - the word 'my' breaks the meter
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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, my dear, - last comma should be a full stop
to usher - capital T
Both the above for personification and cadence.
must -- you
No need for hyphenation. It's a confident bird as you tell it. So .. "you must. You will."
Excellent poem! I rarely bother to correct the many errors I find but I don't mind correcting the few.
I'd six this but the standard has been so high last week that I am worried I may regret it later.
With luck we will ;)
'neath my warm - the word 'my' breaks the meter
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Got 'cha, Erik, and I've made some changes. Thanks so much for the outstanding review and suggestions. Both are greatly appreciated!:}
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the pleasure of another outstanding poem that gives me the willies and entertains my need for listening to cadences of melodious words. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the pleasure of another outstanding poem that gives me the willies and entertains my need for listening to cadences of melodious words. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Ric, and I really appreciate your complimentary review, my friend. Oh, and willies are g=o-o-o-o-o-d, heh-heh-heh...~Dean
Comment from boxergirl
Wow! Awesome tale of the crow coming to take you away. i liked the structure of the poem, especially with the "Tis true, He knew, Fear grew, No clue" that separated the stanzas. It was all very realistic as I read it. 8-)
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Wow! Awesome tale of the crow coming to take you away. i liked the structure of the poem, especially with the "Tis true, He knew, Fear grew, No clue" that separated the stanzas. It was all very realistic as I read it. 8-)
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
I do believe you speak, in normal daily conversation, in rhyme and meter. It is seamless and flows gorgeously. Add to that a plot line and a theme ... and begads, my friend gets a 6!
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I do believe you speak, in normal daily conversation, in rhyme and meter. It is seamless and flows gorgeously. Add to that a plot line and a theme ... and begads, my friend gets a 6!
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
Comment from DSchlosser
This was a great poem. Definitely a creepy picture of the crow at the top of the poem when I first saw it. I knew there was something pertaining to death once I saw this one.
It's got a very old timey look with the coloration of the background and the black and white of the pictures. It definitely goes well with the poem and feels like something I would have read from the 1700-1800s.
Not looking forward to death if that thing comes a calling or cawing, hehe.
Thanks for the extra author notes, too. A good bit of history to read that was interesting. All around it was a great read and visual experience.
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This was a great poem. Definitely a creepy picture of the crow at the top of the poem when I first saw it. I knew there was something pertaining to death once I saw this one.
It's got a very old timey look with the coloration of the background and the black and white of the pictures. It definitely goes well with the poem and feels like something I would have read from the 1700-1800s.
Not looking forward to death if that thing comes a calling or cawing, hehe.
Thanks for the extra author notes, too. A good bit of history to read that was interesting. All around it was a great read and visual experience.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
Comment from Eric1
Hi Dean, this is a most hauntingly beautiful piece of poetry my friend, the best I have read or reviewed in a long time, it flows beautifully, has a fantastic rhyming scheme, Your authors notes show that you have done your homework, If I could give a ten, it would be yours.
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Hi Dean, this is a most hauntingly beautiful piece of poetry my friend, the best I have read or reviewed in a long time, it flows beautifully, has a fantastic rhyming scheme, Your authors notes show that you have done your homework, If I could give a ten, it would be yours.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
Comment from emrpoems
There is the belief that the black crow signifies death but I wouldn't give up that easily. He would have to fight me to go with him for will never be ready for that flight.
an enjoyable read with good rhythm and rhyme. Good transition of thoughts from one line to another
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There is the belief that the black crow signifies death but I wouldn't give up that easily. He would have to fight me to go with him for will never be ready for that flight.
an enjoyable read with good rhythm and rhyme. Good transition of thoughts from one line to another
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Dean
This is just excellent. Good meter (for the better part) and rhyme throughout, you tell a ghastly story of someone who is about to die. The author notes were very helpful in understanding this poem. As usual, a wonderful presentation.
It's funny, I just took my dog for a walk on the trail. (We have a trail in Grand Bay that runs between the road and train tracks. Just got back about 10 minutes ago.) Part way along, we came into a flock of crows that were squawking their beaks off. There must have been about 20 or so, half on one side of the road, and half on the other side of the tracks. What a racket! I looked it up, and they say a flock of crows is called a "murder" of crows. Two reason, as I understand it: First, if an injured strange crow finds its way into the territory of a familiar 'murder', that crow is likely to be killed or murdered; and second, when a 'flock' is flying in a pattern they usually do so in a "W" shaped, thus the first letter of "murder", depending on which way they're flying.
"You realize when you see me near that I have come for you, my dear, ...one extra syllable here. What do you think of this?
("You realize when I am near that I have come for you, my dear,)
Then he loomed low, just o'er me, "I'm here now, and come for thee." ...two syllables short in this line. What do you think of this?
(Then he loomed low, just over me, "I'm here right now, and come for thee.")
"I wished my sentence he'd acquit --"... (this line seems a bit forced.)
He ripped the blankets off my bed, then gently flit above my head,
his talons gripped, I sought release, lo'-- as we raised, my life surceased... (I don't see him flitting "gently" above your head, especially after he just ripped the blankets from your grip. I see him flapping wings like a fierce dragon! Also, I hate to say it, but "surceased" didn't do it for me.
I really did enjoy this one though. And I hope I have helped to make it even better.
Thanks for sharing your talent!
cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Hi Dean
This is just excellent. Good meter (for the better part) and rhyme throughout, you tell a ghastly story of someone who is about to die. The author notes were very helpful in understanding this poem. As usual, a wonderful presentation.
It's funny, I just took my dog for a walk on the trail. (We have a trail in Grand Bay that runs between the road and train tracks. Just got back about 10 minutes ago.) Part way along, we came into a flock of crows that were squawking their beaks off. There must have been about 20 or so, half on one side of the road, and half on the other side of the tracks. What a racket! I looked it up, and they say a flock of crows is called a "murder" of crows. Two reason, as I understand it: First, if an injured strange crow finds its way into the territory of a familiar 'murder', that crow is likely to be killed or murdered; and second, when a 'flock' is flying in a pattern they usually do so in a "W" shaped, thus the first letter of "murder", depending on which way they're flying.
"You realize when you see me near that I have come for you, my dear, ...one extra syllable here. What do you think of this?
("You realize when I am near that I have come for you, my dear,)
Then he loomed low, just o'er me, "I'm here now, and come for thee." ...two syllables short in this line. What do you think of this?
(Then he loomed low, just over me, "I'm here right now, and come for thee.")
"I wished my sentence he'd acquit --"... (this line seems a bit forced.)
He ripped the blankets off my bed, then gently flit above my head,
his talons gripped, I sought release, lo'-- as we raised, my life surceased... (I don't see him flitting "gently" above your head, especially after he just ripped the blankets from your grip. I see him flapping wings like a fierce dragon! Also, I hate to say it, but "surceased" didn't do it for me.
I really did enjoy this one though. And I hope I have helped to make it even better.
Thanks for sharing your talent!
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Kimbob, for both your complimentary review and fine suggestions. I'll try and implement some of them asap! I also made mention of you in my author's notes for all of your help. I hope you don't mind?
Thanks so much again, my friend. I truly appreciate it!~Dean
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You flatter me, sir. I am happy if I can help.
Kimbob
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Well, we shall both soon see... I made edits to every line that you suggested. Hey, if we, as writers, are not open to well-intentioned critique, and listen to what our readers have to say, we may as well put away our pens, and paper, and our computers for good. That's how I feel, anyhow.:}
Comment from vfbryant
L loved the clever and unusual form and decor you used on the poem, and I think you definitely succeeded in creating a foreboding tone and setting. You also built up suspense in its short presentation, by putting us into the mind of the fearful "victim". The ending (punchline) was just great, because it left us with an image of flight, which is a positive, hopeful circumstance, but also with an unknown destination. We were left "hanging" to imagine his fate. Very enjoyable. Valerie
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L loved the clever and unusual form and decor you used on the poem, and I think you definitely succeeded in creating a foreboding tone and setting. You also built up suspense in its short presentation, by putting us into the mind of the fearful "victim". The ending (punchline) was just great, because it left us with an image of flight, which is a positive, hopeful circumstance, but also with an unknown destination. We were left "hanging" to imagine his fate. Very enjoyable. Valerie
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
