Car Bomb
Stranded stranger seeks help. Should he get it?45 total reviews
Comment from emptypage
This is a really good story, Sis Cat. I just wrote a similar story for a magazine about fear being the default for Americans, and about the stupid "alt-right" and the way they are igniting fires that may never go out.
Both you and your beneficiary were afraid, then relieved, then exultant. It's nice when we get validation that not everyone sucks.
I enjoyed the tale. Good luck in the contest.
You wrote, "My mouth flew open. In a split second, a (??? Do you mean "I"?? I think so, LOL.) gaped at the man and sized him up.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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This is a really good story, Sis Cat. I just wrote a similar story for a magazine about fear being the default for Americans, and about the stupid "alt-right" and the way they are igniting fires that may never go out.
Both you and your beneficiary were afraid, then relieved, then exultant. It's nice when we get validation that not everyone sucks.
I enjoyed the tale. Good luck in the contest.
You wrote, "My mouth flew open. In a split second, a (??? Do you mean "I"?? I think so, LOL.) gaped at the man and sized him up.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Thank you, emptypage, for your generous review, encouragement, and correction. Running out of gas on the surface looks like a mundane thing, but if you run out of gas in the wrong area you could lose your life.
Thanks also for wishing me good luck in the contest with my feel good story.
Comment from lyenochka
Wonderful retelling, André! I especially appreciate that you put not only the audible dialog but the unsaid dialog from mind to mind which captured the suspense, fear, distrust and yet deep desire to trust. Bless you for being that Good Samaritan!
One issue:
" In a split second, a gaped at the man" (I gaped)
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Wonderful retelling, André! I especially appreciate that you put not only the audible dialog but the unsaid dialog from mind to mind which captured the suspense, fear, distrust and yet deep desire to trust. Bless you for being that Good Samaritan!
One issue:
" In a split second, a gaped at the man" (I gaped)
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Yes, lyenochka, there was so much that we left unsaid but was felt. As men of color who have been in dire situations of needing help, we knew each other's thoughts. Our expressions, gestures, and body language communicated it.
Thank you for your correction and your generous, six star review. I much appreciate it.
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I tried to put the accent on your name but I see that the FS textbox added wild characters. Wonderful story - so sensitively told. In retrospect, I wonder if it would have been easier to buy the gas first and then ask to be paid back? I can imagine how bad that smelled. But Canadians buy gas here all the time here because it's so much cheaper.
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Yes, I wonder if I could have done things differently, such as whether or not my AAA membership would have serviced the car of a non-member. I am glad things turned out well. Thanks again.
Comment from BOO ghost
Oh, very interesting, exciting read. Grammar looks swell. Lot of work was invested in this beauty. I love non fiction. It held my interest. Oh, some words liked very much: The front gate of my work came into view. The pickup truck remained parked on the street outside. Its headlights flashed an S-O-S signal. Alongside the vehicle, a slumped man raised his head. His brown face brightened, as if he had watched every black car which had driven down that mountain road in the previous half hour. He jumped and waved like a man stranded in a foreign land without fuel, phone, or friend. The cavalry galloped over the mountain with one hundred and twenty-one horsepower. Gas vapors trailed the windows. I leaned further out and waved. Our eyes locked.
You had me locked into the Twilight Zone on this one. Made BOO smile. Wished I had gold nugget left, they went quick. This was fantastic! Keep writing Sis cat. You a good story teller. Maybe a gift.
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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Oh, very interesting, exciting read. Grammar looks swell. Lot of work was invested in this beauty. I love non fiction. It held my interest. Oh, some words liked very much: The front gate of my work came into view. The pickup truck remained parked on the street outside. Its headlights flashed an S-O-S signal. Alongside the vehicle, a slumped man raised his head. His brown face brightened, as if he had watched every black car which had driven down that mountain road in the previous half hour. He jumped and waved like a man stranded in a foreign land without fuel, phone, or friend. The cavalry galloped over the mountain with one hundred and twenty-one horsepower. Gas vapors trailed the windows. I leaned further out and waved. Our eyes locked.
You had me locked into the Twilight Zone on this one. Made BOO smile. Wished I had gold nugget left, they went quick. This was fantastic! Keep writing Sis cat. You a good story teller. Maybe a gift.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Oh, thank you, BOO Ghost, for your generous review. I am glad my true Twilight Zone story locked your attention. Thanks also for pointing out your favorite passage. I will keep writing.
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yeah, I use to be stationed at Moffett field California bear Mountain View, Sunnyvale. Went to a drive in movie once in San Fran. I was set up on a blind date. You may know the name of the drive in. Oh boy,my date had buck teeth, freckles, red hair. She was not a beauty. Yep,my navy buddy did me wrong but I was a gentleman and sucked it up, if you know what I mean. BOO is too soft hearted to hurt people's feelings. Seen Alcatraz by air a hundred times while in P-3 squadron. Them mountains south of the bridge cause lots of turbulence. Must be updrafts or down drafts. Keep on writing Sis Cat. Love your name.
Comment from frierajac
I like it. It is a well written piece and although non fiction and a mundane subject, the humanity shines forth in the details of objects, dialogue and timing that
includes previous experience. Besides being very conscientious.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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I like it. It is a well written piece and although non fiction and a mundane subject, the humanity shines forth in the details of objects, dialogue and timing that
includes previous experience. Besides being very conscientious.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Yes, frierajac, this incident happened last Tuesday and as mundane as the subject is, it captivated my heart and my passion to writ about it. I am sure the man is telling his story about me, too. Thank you for your review.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You did a wonderful act helping this man. I know how scared you had to have been specially with our state of our society. I wish you the best of luck with this contest.
the man shifted in his muddy workbooks, shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head. "No." (capital 't' needed on th)
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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You did a wonderful act helping this man. I know how scared you had to have been specially with our state of our society. I wish you the best of luck with this contest.
the man shifted in his muddy workbooks, shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head. "No." (capital 't' needed on th)
Comment Written 27-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2017
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Thank you, Barbara, for not only giving my story its first review, but a six star one to boot!
I want to tell stories that matter and that speak to the state of our society.
Thank you for the suggested edit. I made a change so people will understand that was a continuation of an earlier sentence.
Thanks for also wishing me luck in the contest, too.