The Song Thrush
A Ballad68 total reviews
Comment from Word Junkie
Hi Tony,
I'm unfamiliar with many of these terms, and I seldom read Author Notes prior to reading posted work, because I believe poetry or prose should stand on its own. However, I didn't need to be able to relate to or understand the images evoked in order to enjoy the whole. The language itself is captivating and memorable, and the story, while sad, is also beautiful.
This lilting ballad is music for the soul. I cannot express my gratitude to you for sharing it.
I wish you well in the contest,
Lana
reply by the author on 07-May-2016
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Hi Tony,
I'm unfamiliar with many of these terms, and I seldom read Author Notes prior to reading posted work, because I believe poetry or prose should stand on its own. However, I didn't need to be able to relate to or understand the images evoked in order to enjoy the whole. The language itself is captivating and memorable, and the story, while sad, is also beautiful.
This lilting ballad is music for the soul. I cannot express my gratitude to you for sharing it.
I wish you well in the contest,
Lana
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 07-May-2016
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" Music for the soul" - what higher praise could there be for a beginning balladeer? I'm delighted that you enjoyed this, Lana, and thank you very much for the six stars. Much appreciated! Tony.
Comment from William Ross
This is a great ballad for the for the song thrush, I;m not all up on the legion of this myth. but a great write you did here, Thanks for sharing the story or legion on this. have a wonderful day
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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This is a great ballad for the for the song thrush, I;m not all up on the legion of this myth. but a great write you did here, Thanks for sharing the story or legion on this. have a wonderful day
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Many thanks, William. This one was pure invention so has no history - except in the general sense of having elements drawn from the rich folklore of Ireland.
Comment from Domino 2
I wasn't much interested in birds until I moved here, Tony. My lounge window overlooks two large trees and a thick hedge, and swallows, sparrows, wood pigeon (not the rotten feral variety), and UNFORTUNATELY noisy seagulls, frequent the branches and foilage. I've recently been watching the various species courting and building nests - not the seagulls, as they will nest anywhere, usually on roofs, and dive bomb anyone who dares walk within fifty yards of their shitty nests. There's a few noisy nesting crows that think they own the place, too.
This is a bit long for me to concentrate on, but I managed without a problem, due to your poetic skills.
'and with the selkies sing' - you switch from past tense to present, to get the rhyme, but I'm sure you know that.
You held my attention throughout this exceptional poem/tale of myth and wonder.
Brilliant alliteration throughout.
Impeccable alternating iambic tetrameter/trimeter.
Terrific imagery and story-telling.
A sixer in my book, for sure.
Cheers, Ray
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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I wasn't much interested in birds until I moved here, Tony. My lounge window overlooks two large trees and a thick hedge, and swallows, sparrows, wood pigeon (not the rotten feral variety), and UNFORTUNATELY noisy seagulls, frequent the branches and foilage. I've recently been watching the various species courting and building nests - not the seagulls, as they will nest anywhere, usually on roofs, and dive bomb anyone who dares walk within fifty yards of their shitty nests. There's a few noisy nesting crows that think they own the place, too.
This is a bit long for me to concentrate on, but I managed without a problem, due to your poetic skills.
'and with the selkies sing' - you switch from past tense to present, to get the rhyme, but I'm sure you know that.
You held my attention throughout this exceptional poem/tale of myth and wonder.
Brilliant alliteration throughout.
Impeccable alternating iambic tetrameter/trimeter.
Terrific imagery and story-telling.
A sixer in my book, for sure.
Cheers, Ray
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Thanks very much for your six star award for this one, Ray. I've had it in mind for quite a while but have only managed to pin it down in words over the past few days. I had another look at the tense change issue. In fact it was my intention that the whole of that verse be read as a future prediction, "she'd" standing not for "she had" but for "she would".
Our battle here with the birds is against the raucous flocks of cockatoos that ravage our few old almond trees a week or two before the nuts are ripe enough to pick!
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Thanks for your gracious reply, Tony, and your explanation which now makes sense to me.
Cheers, Ray
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Tony,
There are so many exceptional parts, I don't know where to begin. You get this six for the research, the excellent author's notes explaining how this poem came into being, the absolutely exquisite alliteration and rhyme in every stanza, and beyond that, what girl doesn't love a faerie story? ;)
Your poem is utterly amazing, Tony.
Loved it! :)
Kim
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Hi Tony,
There are so many exceptional parts, I don't know where to begin. You get this six for the research, the excellent author's notes explaining how this poem came into being, the absolutely exquisite alliteration and rhyme in every stanza, and beyond that, what girl doesn't love a faerie story? ;)
Your poem is utterly amazing, Tony.
Loved it! :)
Kim
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Thank you very much for your six star award here, Kim. I've been working on this one for quite a few days.
It started in Scotland and gradually migrated to Ireland as time went on. I already had a pretty good handle of Irish mythology but research led me to read a great deal about the tragic history of Achill and its people. I was led there purely on the grounds of iambic rhythm, Croaghaun being a good replacement for Schiehallion!
Comment from mfowler
Your ballad trips off the lips as sweetly as 'Maeve lightly tripped across the moor as lark song filled the air'. It is a visual and aural delight. So easily does it read via perfect adherence to metre and rhyme, that the story of the fated maiden and her mythical conversion to the 'he mavis bird...the bane of false faerie' can be fully appreciated by the reader. By using authentic aspects of nature and Gaelic folklore throughout the verse, you create such an authentic feeling of ancient place and space. This truly is a work of art.
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Your ballad trips off the lips as sweetly as 'Maeve lightly tripped across the moor as lark song filled the air'. It is a visual and aural delight. So easily does it read via perfect adherence to metre and rhyme, that the story of the fated maiden and her mythical conversion to the 'he mavis bird...the bane of false faerie' can be fully appreciated by the reader. By using authentic aspects of nature and Gaelic folklore throughout the verse, you create such an authentic feeling of ancient place and space. This truly is a work of art.
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Thank you very much for your six star award here, Mark. I've been working on this one for quite a few days.
It started in Scotland and gradually migrated to Ireland as time went on. I already had a pretty good handle of Irish mythology but research led me to read a great deal about the tragic history of Achill and its people. I was led there purely on the grounds of iambic rhythm, Croaghaun being a suitable replacement for Schiehallion. Fortunately, my research was reasonably thorough as John MacMhuirich knows a good deal about the history of County Mayo in general and the Isle of Achill in particular.
Comment from lightink
I heard about a lot of "DYO" "do your own" things - teddy bears, clothing, etc - but do your own myth? Wow, Tony! You really did it!
You grabbed a few existing mythical elements, you chose a human name with a resembling name and voilĂ - there's a perfectly credible myth!
Stunning!
The wording is so lovely!
"a liquid spill of sunlit notes
to match her golden hair."
"With spells she wove a silken thread
of lies to lead astray,"
Her death was quite a let down, but the story didn't end there! I love where you took it! It's destiny!
I enjoyed this a lot my friend! This should definitely score: clever, beautifully written, emotionally engaging, and perfect form! This is a hard to beat entry!
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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I heard about a lot of "DYO" "do your own" things - teddy bears, clothing, etc - but do your own myth? Wow, Tony! You really did it!
You grabbed a few existing mythical elements, you chose a human name with a resembling name and voilĂ - there's a perfectly credible myth!
Stunning!
The wording is so lovely!
"a liquid spill of sunlit notes
to match her golden hair."
"With spells she wove a silken thread
of lies to lead astray,"
Her death was quite a let down, but the story didn't end there! I love where you took it! It's destiny!
I enjoyed this a lot my friend! This should definitely score: clever, beautifully written, emotionally engaging, and perfect form! This is a hard to beat entry!
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Thank you very much for your six star award here, Jyoti. I've been working on this one for quite a few days.
It started in Scotland and gradually migrated to Ireland as time went on. I already had a pretty good handle of Irish mythology but research led me to read a great deal about the tragic history of Achill and its people. I chose the Isle of Achill purely on the grounds of iambic rhythm, Croaghaun being a suitable replacement for Schiehallion. It was an interesting challenge and went through several re-writes. There's probably enough material in the wastepaper basket for another complete story! LOL
Comment from DonandVicki
Tony, you always make this type of poetry look easy to compose but I can tell that you put a lot of thought into making this one, well done.
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Tony, you always make this type of poetry look easy to compose but I can tell that you put a lot of thought into making this one, well done.
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Many thanks, Don and Vicki. You are right - this one did take quite a bit of research and thought. There are several balls of paper in the wastepaper basket!
Comment from Gloria ....
Being Irish myself I do have a yen for the Irish folklore, even though most of it is impossibly sad and filled with tragedy and betrayal.
Having said that, this is a wonderful story in a poem, the events unfold in a logical and poetic manner and the fitting death of course to the silly girl is to drown in a peat bog.
Top notch entry to the contest, I wish you all the best.
Gloria
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Being Irish myself I do have a yen for the Irish folklore, even though most of it is impossibly sad and filled with tragedy and betrayal.
Having said that, this is a wonderful story in a poem, the events unfold in a logical and poetic manner and the fitting death of course to the silly girl is to drown in a peat bog.
Top notch entry to the contest, I wish you all the best.
Gloria
Comment Written 03-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Praise from an Irish beauty! My day is complete! My first drafts were set in Scotland but gradually migrated to Ireland as time went on. So far it has passed muster with John Macmhuirich who knows much more about Irish history and folklore than I ever will. The next hurdle is my son-in-law, who is also from Southern Ireland!
Comment from rama devi
What a beautiful work. Lyrical in flow and feeling. Outstanding descriptive richness and nuance of phrasing with poetic devices. It's a delight to read aloud. I'll let those six stars speak for themselves but will note my favorite of the many phonetic resonances you've woven in here (plus note a couple of suggestions and one spag).
NOTES:
Superb medley of L and S sounds here:
Maeve lightly tripped across the moor
as lark song filled the air,
a liquid spill of sunlit notes
to match her golden hair.
I read this stanza aloud thrice...such fine phonetics:
She skirted bogs of asphodel
to keep her lover's tryst,
where grasses wave their purple heads,
as soft as Achill mist.
Love the way this sounds read aloud, with the S, L and V sounds blending deliciously:
Brown waters of a mountain stream
swirled past her, over scree,
so lithe, alive with dragonflies
and elfin mystery.
Superb medley of alliterated C and consonance of S in these two stanzas:
Its laughter matched the love that surged
in her expectant breast,
as up the mountainside she climbed
the path to Croaghaun's crest,
But, as she gazed upon the moor,
a swirling wisp of cloud
began to cloak familiar rocks
beneath its cotton shroud.
*
she kept her watch on Croaghaun's crag
supressing growing qualms.
suppressing has two P's.
* Superb medley of L sounds in this stanza. Note one comma suggestion:
At length(,) she left the meeting place
to search for her leannĂ¡n.
As daylight faded into gloom,
her hopes sank with the sun.
Great medley of L sounds woven in here too
With spells she wove a silken thread
of lies to lead astray,
and feigned the curlew's plaintive cry
to lure Maeve from the way.
Superb rhyme--pool and cruel.
*
Now(,) in the Spring(,) the mavis bird
Your poem took me to another realm. bravo and thank you.
Glad I stopped by today!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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What a beautiful work. Lyrical in flow and feeling. Outstanding descriptive richness and nuance of phrasing with poetic devices. It's a delight to read aloud. I'll let those six stars speak for themselves but will note my favorite of the many phonetic resonances you've woven in here (plus note a couple of suggestions and one spag).
NOTES:
Superb medley of L and S sounds here:
Maeve lightly tripped across the moor
as lark song filled the air,
a liquid spill of sunlit notes
to match her golden hair.
I read this stanza aloud thrice...such fine phonetics:
She skirted bogs of asphodel
to keep her lover's tryst,
where grasses wave their purple heads,
as soft as Achill mist.
Love the way this sounds read aloud, with the S, L and V sounds blending deliciously:
Brown waters of a mountain stream
swirled past her, over scree,
so lithe, alive with dragonflies
and elfin mystery.
Superb medley of alliterated C and consonance of S in these two stanzas:
Its laughter matched the love that surged
in her expectant breast,
as up the mountainside she climbed
the path to Croaghaun's crest,
But, as she gazed upon the moor,
a swirling wisp of cloud
began to cloak familiar rocks
beneath its cotton shroud.
*
she kept her watch on Croaghaun's crag
supressing growing qualms.
suppressing has two P's.
* Superb medley of L sounds in this stanza. Note one comma suggestion:
At length(,) she left the meeting place
to search for her leannĂ¡n.
As daylight faded into gloom,
her hopes sank with the sun.
Great medley of L sounds woven in here too
With spells she wove a silken thread
of lies to lead astray,
and feigned the curlew's plaintive cry
to lure Maeve from the way.
Superb rhyme--pool and cruel.
*
Now(,) in the Spring(,) the mavis bird
Your poem took me to another realm. bravo and thank you.
Glad I stopped by today!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 03-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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I'm so glad that you enjoyed this one, RD. It has been buzzing around in my head for weeks! Your comments are, as always, both supportive and constructive. I love getting your reviews!
I can't imagine how I dropped that 'p' from 'suppressing'. What a howler!
I like your commas around 'in the Spring' - they provide pauses that really enhance the reading of that line.
I find folklore fascinating and enjoyed the challenge of creating my own myth - though most of the ideas for it already existed in one form or another. The Aboriginal people here have some wonderful creation stories and there in much in common between their Dreaming and the Celtic mythology.
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Yay! I'm so pleased you found my review helpful and thanks for your gracious and enthusiastic reply. I love your work, and it was a pleasure to review it.I also love Celtic mythology. :) Warmly, rd
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Your ballad to me reads like an adult fairytale, Tony, and like many fairytales, it starts out sweetly with hope and promise and then turns quickly into something quite unexpected. It caught me by surprise (and I do love to be surprised!).
Beautifully written with a living imagery created for your reader. The fact that you used quite a few Irish and gaelic words really contributed to a feeling of authenticity to your write. One almost feels as if they are there whilst reading it. I thought it clever how you built, first 'anticipation', then 'trepidation' into your poem before the poor gal fell into a stagnant pool and then was whisked away and turned into a song thrush.
Imaginative premise for a write that you have woven into an excellent poem. I enjoyed reading it, Tony!
Connie
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Your ballad to me reads like an adult fairytale, Tony, and like many fairytales, it starts out sweetly with hope and promise and then turns quickly into something quite unexpected. It caught me by surprise (and I do love to be surprised!).
Beautifully written with a living imagery created for your reader. The fact that you used quite a few Irish and gaelic words really contributed to a feeling of authenticity to your write. One almost feels as if they are there whilst reading it. I thought it clever how you built, first 'anticipation', then 'trepidation' into your poem before the poor gal fell into a stagnant pool and then was whisked away and turned into a song thrush.
Imaginative premise for a write that you have woven into an excellent poem. I enjoyed reading it, Tony!
Connie
Comment Written 03-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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What a lovely review, Connie. Very much appreciated! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this one. Ideas for it have been buzzing around in my head for quite a while.