Jaime
A tale of a summer friendship57 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
This is such a fine entry in the story in a poem contest.
Perfectly rhymed all the way through
Excellent meter, the poem flowed without a hitch.
But most important, the story held my interest, made me want to keep reading to see how it would end, though the beginning suggested the possible end.
Very well done, good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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This is such a fine entry in the story in a poem contest.
Perfectly rhymed all the way through
Excellent meter, the poem flowed without a hitch.
But most important, the story held my interest, made me want to keep reading to see how it would end, though the beginning suggested the possible end.
Very well done, good luck.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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What a delightful, encouraging review! Thank you so much for sharing! Rod
Comment from Linda Kay
This reads so smooth and easy, just like your friendship happened? It does a good job describing the mood and tone of young people of the opposite sex. I have a question, I am unfamiliar with the term, what is a quirt? Good luck in the contest, this was a sweet story.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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This reads so smooth and easy, just like your friendship happened? It does a good job describing the mood and tone of young people of the opposite sex. I have a question, I am unfamiliar with the term, what is a quirt? Good luck in the contest, this was a sweet story.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Hi Linda. Thank you so much for sharing my lengthy coming of age poem. I truly appreciate your very kind comments. A quirt is a short-handled whip horsemen use usually during competition. Rod
Comment from Nosha17
This is a lovely warm-hearted story of innocent friendship and love. Great story line and the rhyming was excellent. Most enjoyable, good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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This is a lovely warm-hearted story of innocent friendship and love. Great story line and the rhyming was excellent. Most enjoyable, good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 25-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Faye, I truly appreciate your sharing this "warm-hearted story of innocent friendship and love." Your kind praise is much appreciated. Rod
Comment from Ben Colder
Brings back fond memories of my boyhood days as well. Excellent poem and great story no doubt hidden in time. You have my vote. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Brings back fond memories of my boyhood days as well. Excellent poem and great story no doubt hidden in time. You have my vote. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Ben, I am delighted you could relive some memories vicariously by sharing my poem. I also appreciate the "vote." Rod
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Oh I am so glad you have this as your contest entry because as I read through it I was going to say 'it should have been in the contest'. Loved the use of metaphor in lines 1 and 2 for the girl's freckles. Beautifully written, perfect rhyme, the accent of those persons was absolutely perfect and the story adorable. I'm out of 6's but this is surely one if I had it. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Oh I am so glad you have this as your contest entry because as I read through it I was going to say 'it should have been in the contest'. Loved the use of metaphor in lines 1 and 2 for the girl's freckles. Beautifully written, perfect rhyme, the accent of those persons was absolutely perfect and the story adorable. I'm out of 6's but this is surely one if I had it. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 25-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Wow! I am delighted and flattered to receive such effusive praise, Dorothy. Thank you for sharing "Jaime." Rod
Comment from dmt1967
This is a nice story about a holiday romance. I liked the way the poem flowed so smoothly across the page. It was a very sweet poem and thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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This is a nice story about a holiday romance. I liked the way the poem flowed so smoothly across the page. It was a very sweet poem and thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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I am delighted you enjoyed "Jaime." Thanks so much for sharing. Rod
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Rod
What a lovely story in a poem and while longish, I can't think anything should be cut out. Though I love a long lingering tale and you've done it here, captured all the coming-of-age loveliness of first love in a simple, delightful setting ... of the lake and summer vacation.
I read aloud to really test your rhythm which works very well. Sad they were destined to lose touch, always sad in divorce as well.
"The crankbait lure! Your lucky one!
Oh, Pete, you'd give me this?"
She grabbed my shirt and pulled me close,
then gave me one sweet kiss." --- what romance, and what a gift. It would have got me back then. lol
"His rustic cabin overlooked
an isolated cove,
a rocky beach and floating dock.
I couldn't wait to rove._ --- you've set the perfect scene, at least for we outdoor girls, just love those rustic cabins, lakes and fishing. Hoot! Hoot.
Told in simple language as the thoughts of a young lad of fourteen. The reader captures the wholesomeness and innocence and pleasure in being together which may not exist as much these days. I find this a wonderful entry for the contest. I have no sixes left unfortunately. I do wish you all the best for the win. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Hi Rod
What a lovely story in a poem and while longish, I can't think anything should be cut out. Though I love a long lingering tale and you've done it here, captured all the coming-of-age loveliness of first love in a simple, delightful setting ... of the lake and summer vacation.
I read aloud to really test your rhythm which works very well. Sad they were destined to lose touch, always sad in divorce as well.
"The crankbait lure! Your lucky one!
Oh, Pete, you'd give me this?"
She grabbed my shirt and pulled me close,
then gave me one sweet kiss." --- what romance, and what a gift. It would have got me back then. lol
"His rustic cabin overlooked
an isolated cove,
a rocky beach and floating dock.
I couldn't wait to rove._ --- you've set the perfect scene, at least for we outdoor girls, just love those rustic cabins, lakes and fishing. Hoot! Hoot.
Told in simple language as the thoughts of a young lad of fourteen. The reader captures the wholesomeness and innocence and pleasure in being together which may not exist as much these days. I find this a wonderful entry for the contest. I have no sixes left unfortunately. I do wish you all the best for the win. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 25-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Oh, Lovi, I do appreciate your wonderful praise, and especially the time you took to pick out the passages that you liked the best. A poet could not ask for more! Thank you. Rod
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I enjoyed reading about Jaime and Pete. I was hoping they would stay together so I was disappointed at the end. Nothing wrong with the story, it just had a different ending than the one I was hoping for. Good job! I hope you win the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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I enjoyed reading about Jaime and Pete. I was hoping they would stay together so I was disappointed at the end. Nothing wrong with the story, it just had a different ending than the one I was hoping for. Good job! I hope you win the contest.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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You are not the only reviewer who wished for a happier ending. I had thought of writing this as a short story where the ending would be more upbeat. Who knows? I still might. Thanks so much for sharing. Rod
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, rodg, you did an excellent job writing this poem story about the girl that stole a teenaged heart, the picture is adorable. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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this is an excellent write, rodg, you did an excellent job writing this poem story about the girl that stole a teenaged heart, the picture is adorable. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 25-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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I am delighted and thrilled to receive such high praise and rating for "Jaime." Thank you so much. Rod
Comment from fossilhunter
Great work!
Nice story poem
It reads so smoothly that I almost forgot I was reading rhyme.
I think I would start with the third verse and maybe reserve one of the first two to go with the introduction between the two.
I like that the girl teaches him how to fish!
I
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Great work!
Nice story poem
It reads so smoothly that I almost forgot I was reading rhyme.
I think I would start with the third verse and maybe reserve one of the first two to go with the introduction between the two.
I like that the girl teaches him how to fish!
I
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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A poet loves to hear words like this: "It reads so smoothly I almost forgot I was reading rhyme." Thank you for sharing "Jaime" and your suggestion. Rod