Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Yatiza Moon"Murder Mystery
52 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for the synopsis at the beginning to make it easy for the reader to pick up from the previous chapter. I liked the rather whimsical change of mood in the opening paragraph--I approve of Jana's "healthier" approach as well! I also admire her motto about trust and "looks." Once again, your use of dialog is very effective, along with your final simile. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the synopsis at the beginning to make it easy for the reader to pick up from the previous chapter. I liked the rather whimsical change of mood in the opening paragraph--I approve of Jana's "healthier" approach as well! I also admire her motto about trust and "looks." Once again, your use of dialog is very effective, along with your final simile. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Joan, I really appreciate you taking time to read and follow my novel/chapter. Your generous support means a lot to me! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from judiverse
This is really interesting. When Father Brian brings Caroline in for her interview with Jana, she has letters that further incriminate Father Flaherty in the pedophile case. Also, she overheard a conversation between Flaherty and someone that may have been from the reservation having an argument because the man's daughter wanted to become Catholic. He threatens Father Flaherty. Jana is concerned about the killer being from the reservation, and wants to have a chance to ask her uncle before saying anything. Caroline, meanwhile, is afraid for her left because of the information she has. Very dramatic, and characterizations are wonderful. judi
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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This is really interesting. When Father Brian brings Caroline in for her interview with Jana, she has letters that further incriminate Father Flaherty in the pedophile case. Also, she overheard a conversation between Flaherty and someone that may have been from the reservation having an argument because the man's daughter wanted to become Catholic. He threatens Father Flaherty. Jana is concerned about the killer being from the reservation, and wants to have a chance to ask her uncle before saying anything. Caroline, meanwhile, is afraid for her left because of the information she has. Very dramatic, and characterizations are wonderful. judi
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Hi, judi. Yes, the plot continues to thicken LOL. Thanks so much, my friend, for your faithful read of my chapters and generous reviews. Warmest regards, Bev
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You're welcome. Certainly worth reading with its fascinating characters as well as intriguing plot. judi
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Aw, thanks so much, judi!
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You are quite welcome. judi
Comment from c_lucas
The unkowing view the Indian's belief sytem as flawed and built on paganism. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a strong read.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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The unkowing view the Indian's belief sytem as flawed and built on paganism. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a strong read.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Well said, charlie. A particularl sore spot with me. Thanks for the kind and generous review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
I'm loving this story, Bev! Of course now it's all your fault that I'm craving peanut butter and crackers right now. I hope you won't mind if you read about Walter eating them in a future chapter of my story LOL!!! I get the cravings and he has to eat it. I'm also loving learning the Sioux words you use as your chapter titles :)
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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I'm loving this story, Bev! Of course now it's all your fault that I'm craving peanut butter and crackers right now. I hope you won't mind if you read about Walter eating them in a future chapter of my story LOL!!! I get the cravings and he has to eat it. I'm also loving learning the Sioux words you use as your chapter titles :)
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Joy, I'm honored by your generous review and words of support. Thank you for so faithfully following along. Yes, I had a horrible craving for peanut butter after sitting with this chapter LOL. I'd love to see Waler enjoying them, too. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
another fast moving chapter,Bev,
with Caroline revealing more information - I
fear for her and think something awful
is going to happen.
I don't know (if)I would have survived being put on the stand." -fancy there's a word missing here, Bev
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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another fast moving chapter,Bev,
with Caroline revealing more information - I
fear for her and think something awful
is going to happen.
I don't know (if)I would have survived being put on the stand." -fancy there's a word missing here, Bev
Margaret
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much, Margaret. I really appreciate your generosity and support! Hugs, Bev
Comment from robina1978
This certainly seems to indicate signs that the previous priest was no good. But he made his old housekeeper not tell. Now all can enroll soon, I think.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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This certainly seems to indicate signs that the previous priest was no good. But he made his old housekeeper not tell. Now all can enroll soon, I think.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the generous review, Ine.
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as always so welcome, Bev
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A GOOD WRITE AND I ENJOYED REading your story A good descriptive storyline and is easy to read. Thanks for sharing with me Mary.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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A GOOD WRITE AND I ENJOYED REading your story A good descriptive storyline and is easy to read. Thanks for sharing with me Mary.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thanks so much for stopping by Mary Ann. I appreciate the support! Bev
Comment from Flamingbush
Very, very good writing. I could easily picture everything you described, and the dialogue flowed smoothly - with just enough action here and there to help it along. For example,
"Is there anything else you'd like to add, Mrs. Findley, before we wrap up this interview?" Jana's finger was poised over the recording device.
I really like the bit of humor you put in at the beginning, warning "endlessly-hungry male counterparts" not to touch Detective Burke's food: "Touch this and you die." I like the way you have Father Brian catching her licking the underside of the knife after digging into the peanut butter.
Your writing is very clever and creative, and so in-tune with the nature that surrounds them: "I'm afraid this case is like a hill thick with pines and impermeable to the light."
I especially like that part at the end: "A common belief, but one that will make him drop his guard. And when he does? We'll descend like flies on a week-old corpse."
There's only one place I found a little puzzling at first, when you mention that "She cringed at the racial slur." I always thought of the word "heathen" as more of a religious term (not necessarily a slur). But then I read more carefully and saw you were speaking of Native Americans and that the person no doubt used that word in a most insulting way. That part wasn't immediately clear to me, but with further reading I was able to figure out just what you meant.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Very, very good writing. I could easily picture everything you described, and the dialogue flowed smoothly - with just enough action here and there to help it along. For example,
"Is there anything else you'd like to add, Mrs. Findley, before we wrap up this interview?" Jana's finger was poised over the recording device.
I really like the bit of humor you put in at the beginning, warning "endlessly-hungry male counterparts" not to touch Detective Burke's food: "Touch this and you die." I like the way you have Father Brian catching her licking the underside of the knife after digging into the peanut butter.
Your writing is very clever and creative, and so in-tune with the nature that surrounds them: "I'm afraid this case is like a hill thick with pines and impermeable to the light."
I especially like that part at the end: "A common belief, but one that will make him drop his guard. And when he does? We'll descend like flies on a week-old corpse."
There's only one place I found a little puzzling at first, when you mention that "She cringed at the racial slur." I always thought of the word "heathen" as more of a religious term (not necessarily a slur). But then I read more carefully and saw you were speaking of Native Americans and that the person no doubt used that word in a most insulting way. That part wasn't immediately clear to me, but with further reading I was able to figure out just what you meant.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Hi, Flamingbush. Thank you for this awesome and technically superb review. You know, I wasn't sure about that section you mention. I think I'll find another way to describe. And since I wasn't sure if the opening humor would work, I am especially delighted you felt it did. Thanks so much! Bev
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You're very welcome. I'm so glad this helped. I normally don't go much for detective stories, but this was so well written, it pulled me right in.
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Thanks again!
Comment from Selina Stambi
Wow! (Haven't awarded a wow! in some time!) - that is heavy stuff and so well handled and written. Fabulous dialogue. I found myself holding my breath at times. Wonderful writing.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Wow! (Haven't awarded a wow! in some time!) - that is heavy stuff and so well handled and written. Fabulous dialogue. I found myself holding my breath at times. Wonderful writing.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much, R! I really appreciate this wonderful and generous review. You've dedinitely made my day LOL. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Curtis Hatch
The story grabbed my attention from the beginning. The pace of the story is good, and I came to the chapter's end far faster than I had hoped. The chapter remains true to the storyline and is compelling. The characters are convincing and believable as well. The pieces fit together, and the suspense and mystery have me ready for the next chapter.
Godspeed,
Curtis
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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The story grabbed my attention from the beginning. The pace of the story is good, and I came to the chapter's end far faster than I had hoped. The chapter remains true to the storyline and is compelling. The characters are convincing and believable as well. The pieces fit together, and the suspense and mystery have me ready for the next chapter.
Godspeed,
Curtis
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you, Curtis! I used whitesmoke for some of the editing. I like it, but I've used grammarly, too, and I think the latter is a little bit more helpful though it's double the cost.
Sure appreciate your taking time to read and review so generously.
Warmest regards, Bev