Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Kaskeya Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
51 total reviews
Comment from Connie C
You do a superb job, Bev, of not only showing us Lipinski's actions while waiting to be interrogated but of helping us get into his head to see how he thinks. You also succeed once again in portraying Derek Oleson. I like how you chose to not write this in first person but rather to let us peek into each character's thinking. And guess what--I did not see one single spag, not that I was expecting to. You are quite the storyteller, my friend. You should be proud of this! I'm proud of you! Lots of hugs to you for a job well done. Connie
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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You do a superb job, Bev, of not only showing us Lipinski's actions while waiting to be interrogated but of helping us get into his head to see how he thinks. You also succeed once again in portraying Derek Oleson. I like how you chose to not write this in first person but rather to let us peek into each character's thinking. And guess what--I did not see one single spag, not that I was expecting to. You are quite the storyteller, my friend. You should be proud of this! I'm proud of you! Lots of hugs to you for a job well done. Connie
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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What a lovely gesture, my friend. Thanks so much for your fantastic words of support and exceptional rating. I had a reviewer help me clean up things earlier tonight, so I'm glad it was 'cleaned up' by the time you viewed it, Connie. This chapter gave me a few fits, so I am pleased at the confirmation that it reads well. Thanks, sweet friend. Love ya, Bev
Comment from jaeladarling
Interesting development in this chapter. Kind of a chin scratcher. :) Can't wait to see where this goes!
A few nits for your consideration:
"the interrogation of man claiming" (I think you missed "a" before "man")
"The punk, Detective Newstead wanted" (Either remove the comma or add another one after "Newstead")
"never-the-less" (Hyphenation is unnecessary)
"Had he gottten them dity" (Change "dity" to "dirty")
"to get in and PUNISH her" (Italics are more effective and less distracting than all caps.)
"had been confiscated leaving him" (Comma after "confiscated")
"middle of Chet's back, and roughly shoved" (No comma)
"Hey, you're hurting me." (Change the period to a comma.)
"You've got exactly three minutes. (Close the quote.)
"between Chet and Mrs. Burdock culiminating in" (Comma after "Burdock")
"into her home.Whoever" (Space between the period and "Whoever")
"at 11:37 P.M., and lives" (No comma)
"to make a sponteanous decision." (Change "sponteanous" to "spontaneous")
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Interesting development in this chapter. Kind of a chin scratcher. :) Can't wait to see where this goes!
A few nits for your consideration:
"the interrogation of man claiming" (I think you missed "a" before "man")
"The punk, Detective Newstead wanted" (Either remove the comma or add another one after "Newstead")
"never-the-less" (Hyphenation is unnecessary)
"Had he gottten them dity" (Change "dity" to "dirty")
"to get in and PUNISH her" (Italics are more effective and less distracting than all caps.)
"had been confiscated leaving him" (Comma after "confiscated")
"middle of Chet's back, and roughly shoved" (No comma)
"Hey, you're hurting me." (Change the period to a comma.)
"You've got exactly three minutes. (Close the quote.)
"between Chet and Mrs. Burdock culiminating in" (Comma after "Burdock")
"into her home.Whoever" (Space between the period and "Whoever")
"at 11:37 P.M., and lives" (No comma)
"to make a sponteanous decision." (Change "sponteanous" to "spontaneous")
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Thank you much for your very helpful review,j. I agree with the majority of your suggestions, and appreciate your attention to the details. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
Great chapter Bev.
Chet is a real creapy guy. You've painted a very clear picture of him. First thing he does as an intro to him is kill even if it's just a spider. (The first sentence read a little awkward. I think it just needs the suggestion below to clarify the last half. Suggestion: spider that was soon to discover ...
An electrical storm is coming so I have to go. Internet has to be shut down.
Love the piece.
Great tension.
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Great chapter Bev.
Chet is a real creapy guy. You've painted a very clear picture of him. First thing he does as an intro to him is kill even if it's just a spider. (The first sentence read a little awkward. I think it just needs the suggestion below to clarify the last half. Suggestion: spider that was soon to discover ...
An electrical storm is coming so I have to go. Internet has to be shut down.
Love the piece.
Great tension.
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Great suggestion, Ellen. I have a thing about the use of the word that because of a particular reviewer that has called me on using them too much - which I used to do. I sure appreciate your awesome review and support, my friend. Hope you don't lose your Internet, that's such a pain. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Munkysam
I really enjoyed what you have here. You did a great job of pulling me in to the story. The characters you created are very believable and interesting. I also like the dynamics between the characters. Very nice work :)
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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I really enjoyed what you have here. You did a great job of pulling me in to the story. The characters you created are very believable and interesting. I also like the dynamics between the characters. Very nice work :)
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Thank you very much, Munkysam. I sure appreciate your interest and generous review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from judiverse
Extremely well crafted, Bev. Everything is handled realistically--Glock semi-automatic. That sounds impressive. The detail of Derek thinking if he can get to the bathroom he can wash away some incriminating dirt is good. It's interesting that the suspect Chet had worked at a nurse and had been fired after complaints about him, especially on behalf of Debra. I think that's realistic because sometimes these weirdos do end up working at health care facilities and may take a notion to act as "angels of mercy" or do some other criminal acts. Paragraph starting "Panic set in" you have dity and mean dirty. judi
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Extremely well crafted, Bev. Everything is handled realistically--Glock semi-automatic. That sounds impressive. The detail of Derek thinking if he can get to the bathroom he can wash away some incriminating dirt is good. It's interesting that the suspect Chet had worked at a nurse and had been fired after complaints about him, especially on behalf of Debra. I think that's realistic because sometimes these weirdos do end up working at health care facilities and may take a notion to act as "angels of mercy" or do some other criminal acts. Paragraph starting "Panic set in" you have dity and mean dirty. judi
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Thank you so much, judi, for this wonderful review. I really appreciate you reading despite the 'bad' language. I had to have some home care recently following surgery, and I had one fellow that kind of gave me the creeps. So, Chet is the result of that.
Thanks for your support and for letting me know what you liked about the chapter. Warmest regards, Bev
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You're welcome. Chet is really creepy, but unfortunately there are health care workers like that. judi
Comment from Rob Caudle
Bravo, Bev, sterling writing here. I loved every bit of it. I was riveted to the page. It was as good as anything I have read. Chet is perfectly icky, and the swear words were absolutely necessary. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this chapter. I do however, have one little problem. I want he whole of the story in m y hands now!! I have tomorrow off and I would love to sit in my easy chair and spend the afternoon with your book.
Rob
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Bravo, Bev, sterling writing here. I loved every bit of it. I was riveted to the page. It was as good as anything I have read. Chet is perfectly icky, and the swear words were absolutely necessary. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this chapter. I do however, have one little problem. I want he whole of the story in m y hands now!! I have tomorrow off and I would love to sit in my easy chair and spend the afternoon with your book.
Rob
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Rob, thank you so much for this heart-warming and very generous review. I sure appreciate your support, my friend. Can't adequately express how you inspire me to keep writing. I really appreciate your support. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from TammyGail
Great work on another excellent chapter
Well written and expressed
you pulled me in and kept my full att
and on edge with egar to find out what
happens next...thanks for sharing i look forward to your next chapter
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Great work on another excellent chapter
Well written and expressed
you pulled me in and kept my full att
and on edge with egar to find out what
happens next...thanks for sharing i look forward to your next chapter
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Thank you so much, Tammy. I really appreciate your interest and generous support! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Stalking Wolf
The writer is steady in giving details that are very much needed to understand the happenings in a story. She gives accurate actions of the different characters making them life-like. Very interesting reading. Not real crazy about the swear words, thankful for the warning.
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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The writer is steady in giving details that are very much needed to understand the happenings in a story. She gives accurate actions of the different characters making them life-like. Very interesting reading. Not real crazy about the swear words, thankful for the warning.
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Thank you, Stalking Wolf. I felt it important to write in character in this chapter. Not the case with most of my chapters thus far. Thank you for interest and generous review. Bev
Comment from misscookie
As always your chapters are very interesting. and so was this one . It took something away with the fowl language wich you warned about.
Other then that It was a good write.
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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As always your chapters are very interesting. and so was this one . It took something away with the fowl language wich you warned about.
Other then that It was a good write.
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Hi, misscookie. This is one genre that usually has a sort of gritty realism to it. So, I felt it important to keep in character. Sorry if you found offensive - and I really appreciate you reading. Warmest regards, Bev
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No need to to be sorry It's part of life and Iunderstand it's ofstaying in charcter with thestory. it' not thast I never heard those words before and you did warned the readers . but your chapters are so good I just had to read it. Who knows one day I will shock you.( smile)
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Thank you for your understanding, misscookie. You're such a kind and generous lady. Hugs, Bev
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Your very welcome, thank you foir the kind words
Comment from FlorrieFan
Excellent writing. Nice and gritty. I like the contrast in POV between Chet and the detective. I like the way you ended this part, with a very revealing bit of information.
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Excellent writing. Nice and gritty. I like the contrast in POV between Chet and the detective. I like the way you ended this part, with a very revealing bit of information.
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Thanks for this awesome review, FlorrieFan. I really appreciate your interest and support! Warm regards, Bev