Dead Echoes of the Past
Two killers, two detectives, two times59 total reviews
Comment from Lulubel
Wow!
This was an incredible read.
You have the ability to create a vivid and believable world by layering it with small details that relay atmosphere, emotion and imagery as well as to imbue your characters with life-like personalities.
An example of this is the vagrant on the bench when Booker first speaks to Clem (in the story); and in the interaction between Booker and Clem.
Your prose is almost poetic, with good use of varied vocabulary and sentence structure.
The plot flows smoothly, and you were able to integrate the supernatural elements seamlessly into the overall thriller/crime detective theme by using the bench as an anchor and focal point for the interactions between Booker and Clem.
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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Wow!
This was an incredible read.
You have the ability to create a vivid and believable world by layering it with small details that relay atmosphere, emotion and imagery as well as to imbue your characters with life-like personalities.
An example of this is the vagrant on the bench when Booker first speaks to Clem (in the story); and in the interaction between Booker and Clem.
Your prose is almost poetic, with good use of varied vocabulary and sentence structure.
The plot flows smoothly, and you were able to integrate the supernatural elements seamlessly into the overall thriller/crime detective theme by using the bench as an anchor and focal point for the interactions between Booker and Clem.
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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Thank you so much, Lulu :-). I wanted the recognisable normality of the bench to help make the supernatural situation seem appropriate and almost commonplace. I'm so glad it worked! Thanks for the fantastic review and hugely encouraging comments :-).
Mike
Comment from Ruucnor
The visuals are stunning. I loved the Orchid shaped mouth. The connection with the ancestor was thoughtful and the dialog seemed fitting to the time periods that were represented.
I was kinda wondering why this detective was having these conversations with a bum laying on the bench next to him. Also, I was a little confused by the usage of tramp instead of bum. I visualized a hooker at first.
A little weird to me that the ancestor would be the one to have the "time travel knowledge" consequences thoughts. But meh that's a minor gripe.
Otherwise well done.
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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The visuals are stunning. I loved the Orchid shaped mouth. The connection with the ancestor was thoughtful and the dialog seemed fitting to the time periods that were represented.
I was kinda wondering why this detective was having these conversations with a bum laying on the bench next to him. Also, I was a little confused by the usage of tramp instead of bum. I visualized a hooker at first.
A little weird to me that the ancestor would be the one to have the "time travel knowledge" consequences thoughts. But meh that's a minor gripe.
Otherwise well done.
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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Thanks, Ruucnor - I'm really glad you enjoyed the read. The tramp/bum thing is a dialect issue. Here in the UK, we call them tramps - I should have mentioned that in my notes. In terms of their reactions to the situation, I liked the idea of the modern guy being thrown by it while the 19th century detective took it calmly, but the purpose didn't go much veyind reversing expectations. Thanks for the helpful thoughts :-).
Mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
That's the most unique Jack the Ripper story I've read yet. I liked the way you combibed past and present, ending with the deaths of both detectives. I didn't see that coming.
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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That's the most unique Jack the Ripper story I've read yet. I liked the way you combibed past and present, ending with the deaths of both detectives. I didn't see that coming.
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thanks so much, Cindy - what a complimentary review :-).
Mike
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Excellent challenge! I am an avid fan of the "Ripper" theory, leaning toward the prince...but you have brought some refreshing new possibilities to bear. Your characters are strong and believable...your writing smooth and always tempting the reader to read a little bit more. I love this and think you did a very fine job with it!!
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Excellent challenge! I am an avid fan of the "Ripper" theory, leaning toward the prince...but you have brought some refreshing new possibilities to bear. Your characters are strong and believable...your writing smooth and always tempting the reader to read a little bit more. I love this and think you did a very fine job with it!!
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thank you, Sherry. I rally appreciate it, and I'm thrilled you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from MumEsGirl
Very well handled writing prompt entry. Not only have you incorporated the bench in the story, you have depicted the tension that existed in London when the Ripper was on the loose.
I had to read twice to get the full story, but it was well worth it.
Bet you have been reviewing like crazy to get your dollars lol
Best of luck
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Very well handled writing prompt entry. Not only have you incorporated the bench in the story, you have depicted the tension that existed in London when the Ripper was on the loose.
I had to read twice to get the full story, but it was well worth it.
Bet you have been reviewing like crazy to get your dollars lol
Best of luck
hugs
kate
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thank you, Kate :-). I had a fair bit of money saved up from an old contest win - plus some reviewing. It felt like a good time to use it.
Mike
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Mike,
I am not a fan of really long poetry or stories but once I began to read this one I was hooked! It is intriguing, mysterious, compelling and very well written. I like the twist at the end and you descriptions are amazing. I can tell a lot of thought went into this piece and you have excellent story telling skills. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Hi Mike,
I am not a fan of really long poetry or stories but once I began to read this one I was hooked! It is intriguing, mysterious, compelling and very well written. I like the twist at the end and you descriptions are amazing. I can tell a lot of thought went into this piece and you have excellent story telling skills. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thanks so much, Chey :-). I'm glad the effort showed through - I spent an unusually long time on this one. I'm so glad you liked it!
Mike
Comment from jaeladarling
Wow, interesting premise, and a twisted ending. Nicely done! Here's a change you may want to make:
"They came to close, my Lord" (Change "to" to "too")
Nice work, and best of luck to you!
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Wow, interesting premise, and a twisted ending. Nicely done! Here's a change you may want to make:
"They came to close, my Lord" (Change "to" to "too")
Nice work, and best of luck to you!
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thanks for the catch, Jaela! There's always something that slips through, regardless how often I read it. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story :-).
Mike
Comment from nor84
Wow, Mike, what can I say besides I hate you? I don't like to give out sixers, but this one deserves it. And where do you get off being so good at both prose and poetry? There oughta be a law!
Seriously, can't find a thing wrong, not even a typo.
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Wow, Mike, what can I say besides I hate you? I don't like to give out sixers, but this one deserves it. And where do you get off being so good at both prose and poetry? There oughta be a law!
Seriously, can't find a thing wrong, not even a typo.
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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lol, thank you so much, Norma. I consider that high praise indeed. I hold on to my own sixes too, often ending a week with them all left, so I truly appreciate it. I'm so glad you liked my story :-).
Mike
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I've read a couple of good ones and many bad ones, but so far -- yours is the best.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, fleedleflump, you did a great job writing this fiction story of the detective that was killed in another time. great imagery presented here, i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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this is very well written, fleedleflump, you did a great job writing this fiction story of the detective that was killed in another time. great imagery presented here, i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thank you, SWJ :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed the story!
Mike
Comment from WilliamDeen
Excellent read and well penned. I really enjoyed reading it. You included some very good vivid descriptions, it flowed well, and was clearly well thought out and executed. Did not notice any spags or anything to suggest doing differently. Well done! Keep Reading & Writing! billy
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Excellent read and well penned. I really enjoyed reading it. You included some very good vivid descriptions, it flowed well, and was clearly well thought out and executed. Did not notice any spags or anything to suggest doing differently. Well done! Keep Reading & Writing! billy
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thanks so much, Billy! I'm very pleased with this, which is good since it took me a long time to get right. So glad you enjoyed it, mate :-).
Mike