Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "A Maza Moon, Part I"Murder Mystery
49 total reviews
Comment from AprilShower
What about the Medical Examiner? Hopefully, the Sheriff allows him to see her body now. I didn't think Medical Examiner should have stepped on Jana's toes the way he did. He apparently is an obnoxious fellow. I thought the part about the Howiwacipi was shocking.
Well written, Bev.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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What about the Medical Examiner? Hopefully, the Sheriff allows him to see her body now. I didn't think Medical Examiner should have stepped on Jana's toes the way he did. He apparently is an obnoxious fellow. I thought the part about the Howiwacipi was shocking.
Well written, Bev.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, April, for your generous review. The phenomenon of the soul leaving the body in the manner I describe is, I agree, an unsual element. Much appreciate your time and interest. Warm regards, Bev
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You're welcome, Bev, and warm regards to you, too. :o) April
Comment from Rob Caudle
Bev, excellent again great hook and the end the killer in person with the priest love this stuff and the M.E, trouncing Jana toes tells us more about his character than two paragraphs of telling. The smoke thing, the whatchamacallit, brilliant touch. I love this, you have a first rate thriller working here. So glad I can read along. My last six for the month. But you deserved it this a book I would buy and read in an afternoon. Keep it up I am waiting but NOT PATIENTLY FOR THE NEXT PAGE TURNER!!!
Rob
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Bev, excellent again great hook and the end the killer in person with the priest love this stuff and the M.E, trouncing Jana toes tells us more about his character than two paragraphs of telling. The smoke thing, the whatchamacallit, brilliant touch. I love this, you have a first rate thriller working here. So glad I can read along. My last six for the month. But you deserved it this a book I would buy and read in an afternoon. Keep it up I am waiting but NOT PATIENTLY FOR THE NEXT PAGE TURNER!!!
Rob
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Hi, Rob. Thanks so much for this awesome review! I have the biggest smile on my face right now. Your enthusiasm means more than I can possibly express. I was a little nervous about bringing the supernatural aspect in - the soul leaving the body -but it seems to be working out. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Gungalo
OOOooh things are getting real serious now. The Detective wants to stop by the rectory and tells the good Father the killer may contact him in person. What a thing!!!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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OOOooh things are getting real serious now. The Detective wants to stop by the rectory and tells the good Father the killer may contact him in person. What a thing!!!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Hi, Gungalo. Thanks for the great review and the support! Most appreciated. Warm regards, Bev
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My pleasure you.
Comment from peterlorikr
I love a mystery so this is a fun read. In paragraph two-I think you need a"his" before "breathing labored".
I love every sentence in your first paragraph.
I am trying to write a mystery and am at a roadblock trying to figure how the protagonist finds the clues. How did you plot that out for your mystery?
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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I love a mystery so this is a fun read. In paragraph two-I think you need a"his" before "breathing labored".
I love every sentence in your first paragraph.
I am trying to write a mystery and am at a roadblock trying to figure how the protagonist finds the clues. How did you plot that out for your mystery?
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Hi, peter. I've been reading murder mysteries for years now, so some of the concepts are probably a combination of lots of plots. But, I also work in the area of paranormal phenomenon, so that plays some part in it, too. There's a really good book that I've gotten some real help from reading - The Plot Whisperer - I think the author is Martha Alderson. It's available from Amazon.
Thanks so much for your interest and great review!
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from RebelRose
Quite an interesting chapter. You have really done your homework on the workings of the church and the Police Dept. This held my attention all the way through and I am anxious to read more.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Quite an interesting chapter. You have really done your homework on the workings of the church and the Police Dept. This held my attention all the way through and I am anxious to read more.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Hiya, Rose. Thanks for the great review. I really appreciate you taking time to read and send along your generous supportive comments. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
Another great chapter! I just saw the explanation of Howiwacipi in your author notes, thanks. I was wondering what the white mist was. Ghost dance, that's interesting. I've had fractional experiences of things after a few people in my life have died. I've not told many people about it, as with my personality, I assume they'll think I'm crazy. So I keep it to myself. I'm glad to know other people see things sometimes.
I'm really enjoying the book and look forward to every chapter!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Another great chapter! I just saw the explanation of Howiwacipi in your author notes, thanks. I was wondering what the white mist was. Ghost dance, that's interesting. I've had fractional experiences of things after a few people in my life have died. I've not told many people about it, as with my personality, I assume they'll think I'm crazy. So I keep it to myself. I'm glad to know other people see things sometimes.
I'm really enjoying the book and look forward to every chapter!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, sue. I wasn't able to find a word for etheric body or spirit in Sioux, so had to settle for ghost. But I can understand that because to the Native American Indian, there is no separation from the energy of Great Spirit.
I really appreciate your great review and taking time to read the chapter. Your words have me smilin'! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Kate Walker
Hi Bev,
Great intro on the character of Doctor Franklin Bloomquist. You blend together images of him and exposition about him in such a way that he's a fully fledged character standing before our eyes in just one paragraph. Then via his bumptious exchange with Jana and his equally bumptious actions, you fire up the reader's emotional response to him: Self-important bully!
A suggestion: You might edit out his line: 'I suppose you're right, Derek.' From how you've built up the ME's character thus far, I can see him bowing to public opinion in actions, but not so readily in words.
You brought Debra's character back into the scene with that underlay of remembered lines from her, while Fr Brian is speaking the last rites. That worked well. It made us feel sympathy for her - the victim - all over again.
The emergence of the white mist and the priest's stunned reaction were both good. I like the way you keep the Native American spiritually element in the story all the time.
And you've got a good solid plot hook at the end: 'have a patrol car watch the rectory ... the killer will be in communication ... might be in person.'
One more suggestion. You begin quite a number of sentences with 'ing' words. I'm not totally opposed to these. Sometimes they're the most accurate way to present the action. But too many produces an odd effect - that of making characters look like always doing two things at once. You might like to have a tinker with some of them and edit them out.
Great chapter. Paced well. Intro-ed a new intriguing character - one who's at odds with other characters and will inject tension into all his scenes. And advanced the plot, which we always like.
Cheers, Kate
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Hi Bev,
Great intro on the character of Doctor Franklin Bloomquist. You blend together images of him and exposition about him in such a way that he's a fully fledged character standing before our eyes in just one paragraph. Then via his bumptious exchange with Jana and his equally bumptious actions, you fire up the reader's emotional response to him: Self-important bully!
A suggestion: You might edit out his line: 'I suppose you're right, Derek.' From how you've built up the ME's character thus far, I can see him bowing to public opinion in actions, but not so readily in words.
You brought Debra's character back into the scene with that underlay of remembered lines from her, while Fr Brian is speaking the last rites. That worked well. It made us feel sympathy for her - the victim - all over again.
The emergence of the white mist and the priest's stunned reaction were both good. I like the way you keep the Native American spiritually element in the story all the time.
And you've got a good solid plot hook at the end: 'have a patrol car watch the rectory ... the killer will be in communication ... might be in person.'
One more suggestion. You begin quite a number of sentences with 'ing' words. I'm not totally opposed to these. Sometimes they're the most accurate way to present the action. But too many produces an odd effect - that of making characters look like always doing two things at once. You might like to have a tinker with some of them and edit them out.
Great chapter. Paced well. Intro-ed a new intriguing character - one who's at odds with other characters and will inject tension into all his scenes. And advanced the plot, which we always like.
Cheers, Kate
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Hi, Kate. Another great review! I think all your suggestions are excellent. I'm going to see about the -ing issue. I know exactly what you mean and have maybe gotten a little lazy in this chapter. I so appreciate the support, Kate. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written post with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. You have a very good novel here. I will be following it. Good luck
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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This is a very well written post with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. You have a very good novel here. I will be following it. Good luck
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, charlie. I appreciate the words of support and the generous review. Warm regards, Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
Comment from Rattler
Wow, I wasn't expecting that mist. This is getting good.
"...you and your officers are ..." Deputies..
So far its a very interesting book.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Wow, I wasn't expecting that mist. This is getting good.
"...you and your officers are ..." Deputies..
So far its a very interesting book.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Hi, Rattler. See, I can never quite get away from the paranormal. Thanks for catching the error, thought I'd gotten them all! Appreciate it...Bev