Lingering Devotion
First meeting.44 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
Sounds like Florida was good to you.
I find it hard to believe that those pickup lines would work but perhaps you are devilishly handsome and don't have to work as hard as us ugly fellas.
Nice write up!
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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Sounds like Florida was good to you.
I find it hard to believe that those pickup lines would work but perhaps you are devilishly handsome and don't have to work as hard as us ugly fellas.
Nice write up!
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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Thank you so much, Douglas, for taking time out to read my foolishness. The line actually did work, but as I looked back, I was amazed. It's funny how witty things seem until we do them. LOL. Much appreciated!
Comment from BethShelby
This is quite a story and it has rocked my world of images of what I imagined you might be like. This is so unlike you last novelette. This one is even filled with poetry complete with alliteration. I didn't see that side of you. Now I have to know if is this "General Fiction" as you have it listed, or is it a real love story? If so It is both beautiful and tragic. Either way, I loved it, but I can't imagine such a dramatic mutual attraction going on thirty years without being nailed down by marriage.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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This is quite a story and it has rocked my world of images of what I imagined you might be like. This is so unlike you last novelette. This one is even filled with poetry complete with alliteration. I didn't see that side of you. Now I have to know if is this "General Fiction" as you have it listed, or is it a real love story? If so It is both beautiful and tragic. Either way, I loved it, but I can't imagine such a dramatic mutual attraction going on thirty years without being nailed down by marriage.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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Thank you so much, Beth, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. I tried to do something a little different than all the action stuff for a change. Sort of show a little different side of me. As with most fiction, there is a whole lot of truth in this story. And just like real life, sometimes, things get in the way. I'm glad you liked it. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from humpwhistle
A stylized piece, Ric. Early on, the prose has some of the bounce and jive of the Beat writers. A noble effort. There are passages, however, that I feel are overwritten--maybe a little 'show-offy'. But that might be my impression, and mine alone.
Peace, Lee
At about 11:30, and ready to call it a night, we stopped at the Carnival,--who is we? I had the impression he was alone. The 'royal we', perhaps? Seems out of place.
For over thirty years, Lori and I lingered somewhere between madly in love and torn apart by life and responsibilities. But every minute, a glorious time! After not talking for quite some time, I decided in 2020 to look her up and try to rekindle what, we had always agreed, should have been. Only to learn she had passed away in 2019.--Not sure why you chose italics for this section.
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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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A stylized piece, Ric. Early on, the prose has some of the bounce and jive of the Beat writers. A noble effort. There are passages, however, that I feel are overwritten--maybe a little 'show-offy'. But that might be my impression, and mine alone.
Peace, Lee
At about 11:30, and ready to call it a night, we stopped at the Carnival,--who is we? I had the impression he was alone. The 'royal we', perhaps? Seems out of place.
For over thirty years, Lori and I lingered somewhere between madly in love and torn apart by life and responsibilities. But every minute, a glorious time! After not talking for quite some time, I decided in 2020 to look her up and try to rekindle what, we had always agreed, should have been. Only to learn she had passed away in 2019.--Not sure why you chose italics for this section.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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Thanks, Lee, for taking time out to read my story. I'm even happy that you would think my limited abilities and knowledge of writing could ever be show-offy. I just write the words as they come to me, no intentions other than putting the story on the page. "We" was referring to me and my friend, David, who was with me throughout the whole story. And as for the Italicized paragraph, it was intended to be me thinking back. But thanks for bringing it to my attention, because it doesn't read the way I had thought. I appreciate your review, comments, and suggestions! Ric
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Ah, I don't remember any reference to Dave's presence on your second trip trip to Tequila Joe's. Maybe I just assumed you'd go alone as the meet had something of a 'date' feel to it. Did I miss it?
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I spoke of David with me at Joe's and how he wanted to leave from the time we got there, and then how he and the others came to my aid. But I probably should add his name rather than using "We" to make it clear he's still with me. Appreciate you pointing it out! And you're right, I probably should have gone alone to meet her, but back in those days, I didn't go anywhere alone. Especially, when I didn't really expect she'd show up anyway. LOL.
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The next night, my friend David tagged along, since I didn't expect she'd show up anyway, and I was at Jamaica Joes at 6:30, counting the crawling seconds toward 7:00. I changed it to this long run-on sentence, but I hope it clarifies. LOL. Thanks again!
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That's fine, Ric. Me, I'd've just changed 'we' to 'I'. Dave doesn't play an active role in this part of the story, does he?
I'm sorry, Ric. I didn't mean to run you through hoops. I thought it was a simple word change--I, for we.
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Don't apologize for trying to be helpful. There is no one who makes more bonehead blunders than me and I always appreciate when talented and busy writers take time to point them out. Much appreciated! Ric
Comment from RodG
Ric, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, especially the bizarre way you introduced yourself to Lori. You don't mince words while describing your stints as a party boy in that Florida town. I also enjoyed the exchange you and Lori had once you finally truly "met." But I get confused at the end as to what happened between you AFTER you met and dated.
Rod
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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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Ric, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, especially the bizarre way you introduced yourself to Lori. You don't mince words while describing your stints as a party boy in that Florida town. I also enjoyed the exchange you and Lori had once you finally truly "met." But I get confused at the end as to what happened between you AFTER you met and dated.
Rod
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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Thanks for taking time out to read my story. I didn't go into a lot of details about after we met, other than that the relationship was on and off for more than thirty years. I was trying to keep it a short story about the meeting, rather than a novel of massive proportions. LOL. Thanks again, RodG. Much appreciated!
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Thanks for the quick response, Ric. You have a marvelous talent for telling such tales.
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Thank you so much, RodG. Your encouraging compliment, from such a talented writer and wordsmith, won't soon be forgotten. You've made my month!