The Unpredictable Cycles of Life
Unexpected changes.60 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Ric,
A very entertaining read. Good pacing and a nice strong voice to the piece. Good stuff.
i made some notes as I read through-
How could I have been so blind . . . about her, her feelings toward me, and the condition of our so-called relationship.- should probably have a question mark in there.
Oh, if only, I hadn't had to sober up.- I don't think you need the comma after only (read it aloud, sounds out to pause there).
Atrial fibrillation effecting the brain, - I think it may need to be affecting here rather than effecting.
"Is this the regular Happy Hour crowd," she asked? - I'd put the question mark inside the speech marks here.
"This place doesn't strike me as your type of hangout?" - this didn't strike me as a question. More of a statement.
Sucker's like me, born every day. - Sucker would just be a plural here so no need for the apostrophe.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Hi Ric,
A very entertaining read. Good pacing and a nice strong voice to the piece. Good stuff.
i made some notes as I read through-
How could I have been so blind . . . about her, her feelings toward me, and the condition of our so-called relationship.- should probably have a question mark in there.
Oh, if only, I hadn't had to sober up.- I don't think you need the comma after only (read it aloud, sounds out to pause there).
Atrial fibrillation effecting the brain, - I think it may need to be affecting here rather than effecting.
"Is this the regular Happy Hour crowd," she asked? - I'd put the question mark inside the speech marks here.
"This place doesn't strike me as your type of hangout?" - this didn't strike me as a question. More of a statement.
Sucker's like me, born every day. - Sucker would just be a plural here so no need for the apostrophe.
All the best
G
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thanks so much, G, for your kind words, suggestions, and generous review. I went back and forth on four of the six suggestions before finally going the wrong way, it appears. I appreciate your taking time to help me polish it up.
Comment from Susan Newell
Ric,
Phew! I'm not sure what I expected, but this one surprised me. I hope the protagonist recovered hai money as well. Characters were well developed and I enjoyed the style and just-this-side-of-raunchy verbiage. I can't attest to the Italian since I don't speak it. Excellent spell-binder with a surprise ending. I was almost expecting the woman to be his wife who had reconsidered her decision. Some editing notes follow.
Sue
My head cocked grinning at the doubters -- suggest comma after cocked
serviette, or napkin, which ever you'd prefer, ==> whichever
reds are palette compatible ==> palate
Guido joined us to say hello. Made sure everything was to our liking and thanked us for coming. == hello, made
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Ric,
Phew! I'm not sure what I expected, but this one surprised me. I hope the protagonist recovered hai money as well. Characters were well developed and I enjoyed the style and just-this-side-of-raunchy verbiage. I can't attest to the Italian since I don't speak it. Excellent spell-binder with a surprise ending. I was almost expecting the woman to be his wife who had reconsidered her decision. Some editing notes follow.
Sue
My head cocked grinning at the doubters -- suggest comma after cocked
serviette, or napkin, which ever you'd prefer, ==> whichever
reds are palette compatible ==> palate
Guido joined us to say hello. Made sure everything was to our liking and thanked us for coming. == hello, made
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thanks, Sue, for taking time to read, review, and offer your suggestions. On two of them I went back and forth more than once on what I thought was right. So, I guess, I made the wrong decisions. Much appreciated!
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LOL - you can always look them up. You are most welcome.
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I'm too lazy for that. I'm one of those people who don't write often. It's too much like work. More time spent correcting my blunders than writing. So, I just write fast and hope I get lucky. See where that gets me? LOL. Thanks again, Sue!
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Write more. I like your writing style.
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
This is well paced and artfully written for maximum emotional misdirection. THe twist at the end is superb and not given away by anything other than the ability to speak Itailian and the restaurant scene--easily missed clues. Nice work.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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This is well paced and artfully written for maximum emotional misdirection. THe twist at the end is superb and not given away by anything other than the ability to speak Itailian and the restaurant scene--easily missed clues. Nice work.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Nancy, for your kind words and generous review. There is a fine line between giving too much or too little information, so it's always nice when a talented writer likes the work. Much appreciated!
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Thank you for the compliment
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I loved it!! That was such a brilliant story, Ric, at first I thought it was about you, but at the end I decided it wasn't ... unless you have connections that serves payback for pudding! Lol! Well done, and let's be having some more! Not too long at all. :)) Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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I loved it!! That was such a brilliant story, Ric, at first I thought it was about you, but at the end I decided it wasn't ... unless you have connections that serves payback for pudding! Lol! Well done, and let's be having some more! Not too long at all. :)) Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Sandra, for your kind words and generous review. It's always great to get good feedback from those I read and enjoy with regularity. Much appreciated!
Comment from Heather Burroughs
Wow! Finding the words to express my feelings for this piece is quite difficult. It was captivating and entertaining from start to finish. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Wow! Finding the words to express my feelings for this piece is quite difficult. It was captivating and entertaining from start to finish. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Heather, for your kind words and extra-special six-star review. It's reviews like your that keeps me trying to layer dimensional characters. I can't thank you enough for your encouraging and motivating review. Much appreciated!
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You are most welcome. I?m glad to have stumbled across fanstory the other day. It?s wonderful to be encouraged, challenges and critiqued by fellow writers. I look forward to your future work.
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I don't post a lot, but I do read and review as much as time will allow. When I came here, I didn't know a noun from a verb. So, I like to think my time here has done me well. Thanks for your kind review and I'll be checking in to read some of your posts. Welcome to Fanstory! It's always nice to have nice people around! Ric
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Thank you so much! I mostly write poetry but have been trying to expand since joining fanstory.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written.
"neither the booze nor the babes were terrible substitutes for a broken heart" - the double negative seems to conflict with the theme of that part of the story. I think you meant that booze and babes were NOT good substitutes, or remedies, for a broken heart, but that was not clear. If I understood you wrong, then my point is made.
Oh, and your character deserved to lose his money. Hence, the stars.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Well written.
"neither the booze nor the babes were terrible substitutes for a broken heart" - the double negative seems to conflict with the theme of that part of the story. I think you meant that booze and babes were NOT good substitutes, or remedies, for a broken heart, but that was not clear. If I understood you wrong, then my point is made.
Oh, and your character deserved to lose his money. Hence, the stars.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thanks so much, Wayne, for your kind words, comments, and generous review. Actually, I meant the double negative just as I wrote it. The booze and babes were a great substitute for a broken heart. At times like that, anything can help keep the mind occupied. LOL. I appreciate you taking time to read my story.
Comment from nomi338
If you do not shop this as a movie short, you are depriving yourself of an excellent opportunity. This is far better than at least a dozen movies with a similar plotline. You are one helluva' writer my friend. My opinion of you and your skills has just elevated quite a bit higher.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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If you do not shop this as a movie short, you are depriving yourself of an excellent opportunity. This is far better than at least a dozen movies with a similar plotline. You are one helluva' writer my friend. My opinion of you and your skills has just elevated quite a bit higher.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Nomi, for your extra-special six-star review. The pleasure is always greater when the kind words come from talented writers that I respect and enjoy reading regularly. You've made my week! I didn't really know how readers would accept this intense multidimensional story. I can't thank you enough, my friend. I appreciate YOU!
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That was above average entertainment. I really enjoyed it. Would love to see it in video form
Comment from karenina
Thrilled to see a post from you! Have not a six-star stellar bouquet left to leave, but surely you are deserving!
Your stories are always well written--you've that skill which sketches in many faceted and endearing characters.
You set the hook with flair!
Sad-sacked divorced man of means intersects with beautiful vamp...
Just the stuff for an unexpected turn! Or should I say (literal) fall from grace. Fourteen floors in fact!
Love your fiction story... It didn't feel too long at all. Time flies when having fun!
Wishing you all the best of health and an always ambitious muse!
Karenina
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thrilled to see a post from you! Have not a six-star stellar bouquet left to leave, but surely you are deserving!
Your stories are always well written--you've that skill which sketches in many faceted and endearing characters.
You set the hook with flair!
Sad-sacked divorced man of means intersects with beautiful vamp...
Just the stuff for an unexpected turn! Or should I say (literal) fall from grace. Fourteen floors in fact!
Love your fiction story... It didn't feel too long at all. Time flies when having fun!
Wishing you all the best of health and an always ambitious muse!
Karenina
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, K, for your kind words and generous review. I hoped you would like it. I tried to show a little of the good and bad in all of us and from your review, you got it. I can't thank you enough. I appreciate YOU!
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Thanks! The feeling is absolutely mutual!
Comment from juliaSjames
This is a marvelous write, Ric.. You scattered clues liberally enough. But it was only at the gruesome finale that I realized you were writing from the POV of a Mafia Don.
You have a talented pen, my friend. And a confident style that's the mark of a true writer. Not afraid to go over the top or colour outside parsing lines.
Much enjoyed! Strange, but I woke up this morning thinking of my holidays in Italy, way way back in the day. Venezia, Roma, Assisi, Rimini ...
Thanks for sharing
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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This is a marvelous write, Ric.. You scattered clues liberally enough. But it was only at the gruesome finale that I realized you were writing from the POV of a Mafia Don.
You have a talented pen, my friend. And a confident style that's the mark of a true writer. Not afraid to go over the top or colour outside parsing lines.
Much enjoyed! Strange, but I woke up this morning thinking of my holidays in Italy, way way back in the day. Venezia, Roma, Assisi, Rimini ...
Thanks for sharing
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Julia, for your extra-special six-star review. With my multidimensional characters, I always wonder if people will understand the people I'm trying to build. The good and bad in all of us. Except me of course. LOL. Your wonderful review from such a talented writer who I enjoy reading regularly makes it all the more special. You've made my week! I appreciate your writing and YOU!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I always try to hang onto one six because I always find something at the end of the week that is always six worthy and I never have one. This is six worthy and the length is nothing to worry about. Good write.
"Is this the regular Happy Hour crowd," She asked? (lower case 's' on 'she)
I continued. "And of course, considering you're too irresistible to turn down, what's next, or where should we go . . . my newly found princess?" (comma needed after 'continued'
Once able to clear her throat, she answered. "Dry reds are palette compatible with everything for me." (comma needed after 'answered')
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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I always try to hang onto one six because I always find something at the end of the week that is always six worthy and I never have one. This is six worthy and the length is nothing to worry about. Good write.
"Is this the regular Happy Hour crowd," She asked? (lower case 's' on 'she)
I continued. "And of course, considering you're too irresistible to turn down, what's next, or where should we go . . . my newly found princess?" (comma needed after 'continued'
Once able to clear her throat, she answered. "Dry reds are palette compatible with everything for me." (comma needed after 'answered')
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Barbara, for your extra-special six-star review. There is nothing that makes me more happen than when a talented writer that I read regular likes my posts. Thanks for points out my blunders, as I make more than my fair share, always. I appreciate YOU!
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I tend to make a lot of errors too. I understand. My bad habit is to leave little words out. When I edit, I read as if they're there, but aren't.