Play another Day
Another random act of violence:45 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
wow... sounds like you wrote about my everyday life... rushing for some reason but not really knowing why but one just keeps going. LOL
Actually your wildly delicious description of crap, filth, defecation, and evil sounds more like my grandson's bedroom with his friends and some crazy video game.
You had my brain bouncing off every brick wall and alley you could find, my friend. You did make me shudder uncomfortably with the poor doggie... it fit the scene but definitely not my heart.
You need to write more my sweet friend... You travel so fast down a pathway that the reader is breathless just trying to keep up. Awesome beyond words.... sitting here stunned that you continue to read my simple fare while you can pump out a mini war right under the reader's nose.
Bravo! Excellent! Beyond words because you stole them all and put them in your story. LOL
Hugs and more Hugs and tons of smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
  |
wow... sounds like you wrote about my everyday life... rushing for some reason but not really knowing why but one just keeps going. LOL
Actually your wildly delicious description of crap, filth, defecation, and evil sounds more like my grandson's bedroom with his friends and some crazy video game.
You had my brain bouncing off every brick wall and alley you could find, my friend. You did make me shudder uncomfortably with the poor doggie... it fit the scene but definitely not my heart.
You need to write more my sweet friend... You travel so fast down a pathway that the reader is breathless just trying to keep up. Awesome beyond words.... sitting here stunned that you continue to read my simple fare while you can pump out a mini war right under the reader's nose.
Bravo! Excellent! Beyond words because you stole them all and put them in your story. LOL
Hugs and more Hugs and tons of smiles, Carol
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
-
Carol, my dear, I'm a rough and tough old boy whose grown a little harder over time. And it takes a whole lot to touch me deeply. But of those like you who I read and enjoy communicating with daily, you've brought a trickle to my eyes. Then, like every other day, in almost the same breath, you have me chuckling about your grandson's bedroom with a review that outshines my story. You've made my week with your extra-special six-star review, but your praise outshines any stars! I appreciate YOU!
-
Your 'good ole boy" attitude with its rough and tumble punch can have a tiny crack once in a while to let my smiles creep in and amaze you, LOL. I simply love your reply and am smiling so bright ... I thought the sun had finally come out from behind the rain clouds. Silly me! It was you smiling back at me!!! Smiles and hugs Carol
-
Here's a GREAT BIG HUG and a little peck on the forehead for giving me another reason to smile! Ric
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
A jam-packed powerhouse! A tour de force of graphic imagery--you are a master of SHOW don't tell. Stunning work.
As regards the dog--I find that scene gratuitous--the "euthanasia" was far worse than letting him fade out -- I got the impression that he was going to die on his own--or perhaps he wasn't seriously injured.
sugg:
Zack laid=>LAY near the rear
Two shots rang out. Immediately following WAS a high-pitched scream.
playing some sort of childish game, [OMIT: in a match] for permanent stakes.
A [OMIT: deep] duo of guttural laughs echoed and attenuated as the miscreants kept shuffling through the debris.
Zack scraped against the torn-face-textured bricks and eased out onto the sidewalk. He stayed low, [OMIT: his vision] scanning all directions.
Options limited, Zack scrambled for his life at his optimum potential [OMIT: , though never a track star].
The grinding rocks WERE a dead giveaway to his whereabouts.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
 |
A jam-packed powerhouse! A tour de force of graphic imagery--you are a master of SHOW don't tell. Stunning work.
As regards the dog--I find that scene gratuitous--the "euthanasia" was far worse than letting him fade out -- I got the impression that he was going to die on his own--or perhaps he wasn't seriously injured.
sugg:
Zack laid=>LAY near the rear
Two shots rang out. Immediately following WAS a high-pitched scream.
playing some sort of childish game, [OMIT: in a match] for permanent stakes.
A [OMIT: deep] duo of guttural laughs echoed and attenuated as the miscreants kept shuffling through the debris.
Zack scraped against the torn-face-textured bricks and eased out onto the sidewalk. He stayed low, [OMIT: his vision] scanning all directions.
Options limited, Zack scrambled for his life at his optimum potential [OMIT: , though never a track star].
The grinding rocks WERE a dead giveaway to his whereabouts.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
-
Thank you so much, Liz, for your kind words, comments, and suggestions that I always count on to get me up near par, since I write fast and hate to edit and polish. LOL. It's like having my very own editor who is willing to spend her valuable time to make my scratching's read better. You're a champ! And I appreciate YOU, your humor, wit, and big heart every day!
Comment from Sally Law
I can hardly function after reading this. Surely this is a video game. I've been gamed and I played it with you. Zach is a superhero. Sorry about the dog. Really sad part if it's real. No dog should die like that. Poor dear thing. Zach came out victorious.
A six for some exceptional writing! Bravo, Ric! Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs...
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
|
I can hardly function after reading this. Surely this is a video game. I've been gamed and I played it with you. Zach is a superhero. Sorry about the dog. Really sad part if it's real. No dog should die like that. Poor dear thing. Zach came out victorious.
A six for some exceptional writing! Bravo, Ric! Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs...
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
-
Sally, my dear, I can't thank you enough for this wonderful and encouraging review. It's you and all the other FanStorian friends who have helped me to keep improving. I can't thank you enough for the extra-special six-star review. You've made my week! And the X and Os are great too! ((HUG)) Ric
-
Always great to read you, dear. You have grown leaps in your writing. I gave you this six because it was well-deserved. As you know, I love exciting writing. This cleared away the sluggish FanStory clouds! Very fresh and original too. I like that. Sal :)) oh? you?re welcome too?.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Wow. Such a detailed description puts the reader right in the middle of the action with a seemingly real life context. Unstopped action kept me plowing through the story, following its twists and turns. this is a great piece. well done I particularly liked the following descriptive lines:
Time honored in segments, it begins with an instant and reaches to eternity. Stuck in a trance-like panic and scared to move, those segments can seem to last, disproportionately, forever.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
|
Wow. Such a detailed description puts the reader right in the middle of the action with a seemingly real life context. Unstopped action kept me plowing through the story, following its twists and turns. this is a great piece. well done I particularly liked the following descriptive lines:
Time honored in segments, it begins with an instant and reaches to eternity. Stuck in a trance-like panic and scared to move, those segments can seem to last, disproportionately, forever.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
-
Thank you so much, Theodore, for your extra-special six-star review. It's reviews like yours that keep old hacks like me plugging along and trying to get batter. If it weren't for reviews like yours, I would have given up a long time ago. I appreciate you and your wonderful and encouraging review! Ric
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Did I miss something? I'm not sure why the hunters were after him. Is it because he's homeless? You are great at writing descriptions. I enjoyed reading this even with my confusion. It's just probably me. I miss things sometimes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
|
Did I miss something? I'm not sure why the hunters were after him. Is it because he's homeless? You are great at writing descriptions. I enjoyed reading this even with my confusion. It's just probably me. I miss things sometimes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
-
Nope, Barbara, it's not you. That's the biggest intended bang of the story. Poor Zack just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sleeping in a nasty alley way, when two killers came in looking for someone, which turns out to be him. Him not even knowing why. Which I tried to point out in the last sentence of the first paragraph. Sometimes, I think it's better not to know all the details, which keeps us wanting. Zack's running for his life, and why, he has no idea. Thanks for the review.