The Playground
...children's script about blooming love43 total reviews
Comment from TAB_that's me
The dialog is very good. The ending is very fun.
The only thing I see wrong is a 4th grader wouldn't be 8. An eight-year-old would be in either 2nd or 3rd grade.
Good luck in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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The dialog is very good. The ending is very fun.
The only thing I see wrong is a 4th grader wouldn't be 8. An eight-year-old would be in either 2nd or 3rd grade.
Good luck in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Teresa;
thank you so much for your time to read and review. While most eight-years-old children would be in third grade, Hailey had skipped a grade.
~patty~
Comment from BeasPeas
This was a fun read. Written well, clear and interesting. Kids do have a way of playing that is inclusive. I see that when I take my grandsons to the river beach nearby. Good job. Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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This was a fun read. Written well, clear and interesting. Kids do have a way of playing that is inclusive. I see that when I take my grandsons to the river beach nearby. Good job. Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Marilyn;
thank you so much for your kind review. I had a good time putting this together,
~patty~
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Very good. You should do well in the contest. I can't say I hope you win because I entered this contest too. All I can hope for you is second place, but since it's winner take all that won't get you much except bragging rights. LOL
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Very good. You should do well in the contest. I can't say I hope you win because I entered this contest too. All I can hope for you is second place, but since it's winner take all that won't get you much except bragging rights. LOL
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hello Thomas;
you know, we've entered the same contests before, and I've wished you good luck. (I didn't really mean it, but I did say it.)
May the BEST person win!!
~patty~
Comment from c_lucas
Eight-years-old Casanovas
Can still a girl's heart
Mothers constantly watching
For the "Playing Doctor" Game
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Eight-years-old Casanovas
Can still a girl's heart
Mothers constantly watching
For the "Playing Doctor" Game
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Charlie;
thank you so much for the lovely review. I had a good time putting this one together and I'm glad you enjoyed it,
~patty~
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You're welcome, Patti. Charlie
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Well I am not an expert at scripts but this one is perfectly done as what you said you wanted to acompolish. Love the interaction between the kids and it is so true, just the way it happens, usually when pulling the pigtails does not work
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Well I am not an expert at scripts but this one is perfectly done as what you said you wanted to acompolish. Love the interaction between the kids and it is so true, just the way it happens, usually when pulling the pigtails does not work
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Barb;
thank you so much for the read and review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and it seemed believable.
I greatly appreciate your support of my work,
~patty~
Comment from Dean Kuch
Cute story portraying what's most commonly known in most circles as "puppy love", Patty.
It began as sort of a juvenile battle of the sexes but soon turned into a blossoming new friendship.
The only "nit" that stuck in my craw comes in the following paragraph. The use of the word "huge" in such a short story much less the following sentence seems a bit redundant:
The children are smoothing the sand of the huge castle they built together. Four huge towers mark the edges of the structure, and the deep mote completely encircles the whole thing.
There are many synonyms for "huge." I'm sure you'll come up with something.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Cute story portraying what's most commonly known in most circles as "puppy love", Patty.
It began as sort of a juvenile battle of the sexes but soon turned into a blossoming new friendship.
The only "nit" that stuck in my craw comes in the following paragraph. The use of the word "huge" in such a short story much less the following sentence seems a bit redundant:
The children are smoothing the sand of the huge castle they built together. Four huge towers mark the edges of the structure, and the deep mote completely encircles the whole thing.
There are many synonyms for "huge." I'm sure you'll come up with something.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Dean;
thank you so much for stopping by to read this maiden voyage into the world of script writing.
I appreciate you pointing out the repetitive 'huge.' I substituted 'enormous' in the first sentence. I was trying to make sure it was believable they spent most of the afternoon building the thing.
As always, I value your advice and critique,
~patty~
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My pleasure as always, Patty.
Good luck!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mustangpatty1029
Your children's script made me feel like I was sitting on a sandy beach watching and listening to two children getting quickly acquainted with each other and how precious as time moves a new romance will be starting
Gert
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hello Mustangpatty1029
Your children's script made me feel like I was sitting on a sandy beach watching and listening to two children getting quickly acquainted with each other and how precious as time moves a new romance will be starting
Gert
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Gert;
thank you SO much for the lovely, shining, sixth star. You made my day. A new format and my continuing struggle with dialogue.
I'm glad you enjoyed,
~patty~
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Smiles you are welcome
Gert
Comment from rtobaygo
Good afternoon, Patty
Ahh, a new venue to showcase your talent. The dialogue (for the most part) and their interactions were what one would expect from an eight-year-old.
Kneeling (up on his knees), Logan studies (the) Hailey's upturned and sunburnt face.
To me the following dialogue sounds like it would come for an older child -- but again, that's me:
(Okay. I got your number)
(I didn't mean to insult you.) --
I sure did have a great time( tho').
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Good afternoon, Patty
Ahh, a new venue to showcase your talent. The dialogue (for the most part) and their interactions were what one would expect from an eight-year-old.
Kneeling (up on his knees), Logan studies (the) Hailey's upturned and sunburnt face.
To me the following dialogue sounds like it would come for an older child -- but again, that's me:
(Okay. I got your number)
(I didn't mean to insult you.) --
I sure did have a great time( tho').
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
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Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Ray;
thank you so much for the lovely review.
I see your points, and this is an area where I struggle - hard to remember what an eight-year-old sounds like. My children are grown, and the grand kids are still toddlers.
I appreciate your helpful tips,
~patty~
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written script. I did not write scripts yet either. According to others I have read it seems you had a great script. Children always make friends without any effort.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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A very well-written script. I did not write scripts yet either. According to others I have read it seems you had a great script. Children always make friends without any effort.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Sandra;
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could still make friends easily?
Thanks for reading,
~patty~
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello my friend
You did a nice job with your first script about little kids at the playground. It's simple and not too long....very easy to follow the conversation....Good job!
Gypsy
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hello my friend
You did a nice job with your first script about little kids at the playground. It's simple and not too long....very easy to follow the conversation....Good job!
Gypsy
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Gypsy;
thank you so much for reading and reviewing my script. This was a challenge for me, but I think I did okay.
Your comments mean a great deal to me,
~patty~
