One man's journey to get clean
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Gary's new life"Getting clean from meth isn't easy
36 total reviews
Comment from dweigt
Great! Glad to see Gary making his way out. Your writing is smooth and natural, and very easy to read.
Just a couple of minor nits to pick...
Nervous, Gary paced outside in the hall. -- I don't think you need to tell us he is nervous. You illustrate that very well. So just strike the "Nervous," from the beginning of this sentence.
You have several paragraphs of Gary's monologue in a row, with no tags. In this case, you don't need the closing quotes on the ends of the paragraphs, except for the very last one.
Great stuff!
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Great! Glad to see Gary making his way out. Your writing is smooth and natural, and very easy to read.
Just a couple of minor nits to pick...
Nervous, Gary paced outside in the hall. -- I don't think you need to tell us he is nervous. You illustrate that very well. So just strike the "Nervous," from the beginning of this sentence.
You have several paragraphs of Gary's monologue in a row, with no tags. In this case, you don't need the closing quotes on the ends of the paragraphs, except for the very last one.
Great stuff!
Keep writing!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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thank you so much for your time to read and review. I made notes from your review and I will work them in over the next few minutes. I like your suggestions, and I appreciate the thoughtful critique,
~patty~
Comment from Thomas Bowling
years ago I attended some meeting with my son and found out that many were there for all the wrong reasons. Some looked at it like a dating site. Other more devious types were looking for customers. They need a better vetting policy.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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years ago I attended some meeting with my son and found out that many were there for all the wrong reasons. Some looked at it like a dating site. Other more devious types were looking for customers. They need a better vetting policy.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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yes, some meetings are like that. You never know what ulterior motives some have when they attend meetings. Thank you for stopping by to read and review,
~patty~
Comment from DLBoo
I've enjoyed catching chapters of your novella. You do have a few minor errors I believe though.
I found His answer. I believe his is not supposed to be capitalized.
You don't have to repeat mental illnesses when he says he has two. That's redundant.
I think you could also use some of the information in your epilogue to expand your novella into a full novel. Good job on this piece.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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I've enjoyed catching chapters of your novella. You do have a few minor errors I believe though.
I found His answer. I believe his is not supposed to be capitalized.
You don't have to repeat mental illnesses when he says he has two. That's redundant.
I think you could also use some of the information in your epilogue to expand your novella into a full novel. Good job on this piece.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi; thank you for reading and reviewing. I took your suggestion and dropped the 'mental illnesses.' The capitalized He is referring to God, so I always capitalize that. Your other kind words will give me the encouragement it will take to expand this into a novel.
~patty~
Comment from mbroyles2
A triumphant victory for Gary.
It is encouraging to others that there is a successful life waiting if you can tough it through the rough times.
A heartwarming story with a lot emotion.
Well written!
Michael
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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A triumphant victory for Gary.
It is encouraging to others that there is a successful life waiting if you can tough it through the rough times.
A heartwarming story with a lot emotion.
Well written!
Michael
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi Michael; thank you so much for stopping by. Your review of my work is greatly appreciated, along with your time.
~patty~
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow, what an end to your novella. It also has an encouraging message for those facing mental issues and addiction. I cheered when Gary spoke up clearly, "Finding this out was a blow to my self-esteem. I didn't want to believe I was mentally ill. I would rather deal with being an addict and just kick the bad habit. As it is, I still take drugs and will be for the rest of my life."
Your novella is inspiring and makes me feel good. I hope you get it published. Thank you for sharing.
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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Wow, what an end to your novella. It also has an encouraging message for those facing mental issues and addiction. I cheered when Gary spoke up clearly, "Finding this out was a blow to my self-esteem. I didn't want to believe I was mentally ill. I would rather deal with being an addict and just kick the bad habit. As it is, I still take drugs and will be for the rest of my life."
Your novella is inspiring and makes me feel good. I hope you get it published. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi Andre; your words give me a great deal of encouragement. Gary's story was a work dealing with my hopes and dreams. Maybe one day, this will be the story of my son's triumph over his addiction. Thank you for making me smile this morning,
~patty~
Comment from c_lucas
Alternative life styles are not my cup of tea, but maybe this is what the character needed. This is very well written with an emotional flow of words. There is very good imagery.
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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Alternative life styles are not my cup of tea, but maybe this is what the character needed. This is very well written with an emotional flow of words. There is very good imagery.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. This character struggled with many things, but one of the biggest was his sexual identity. He was thrown out of a church for coming out, when he was fifteen. Up until then, he had been a group leader, and part of the choir. This incident colored much of his adulthood.
I appreciate your kind words of encouragement about the writing,
~patty~