The Duke of Vanterelle
A dark tale of evil and revenge49 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed this poem very much. Awesome imagery and exceptional emotional imagery as well. This is a terrific entry for this contest and most definitely a top contender. I love the unexpected ending. Very, very well done. I wish you all the best in this contest.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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I enjoyed this poem very much. Awesome imagery and exceptional emotional imagery as well. This is a terrific entry for this contest and most definitely a top contender. I love the unexpected ending. Very, very well done. I wish you all the best in this contest.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Sasha, thanks for the terrific review.
Steve
Comment from LIJ Red
The meter is acceptable and the imagery very good, and the story has a neat twist at the end. The only change I might consider, and this is just personal fancy, when his lackeys saw the evil duke dead and knew they were free of him, they might have whooped and bought the hero a mead, or whatever.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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The meter is acceptable and the imagery very good, and the story has a neat twist at the end. The only change I might consider, and this is just personal fancy, when his lackeys saw the evil duke dead and knew they were free of him, they might have whooped and bought the hero a mead, or whatever.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Thank you.
I appreciate your point, but I suspect our poor tragic hero might not have been in a mead mood.... swan dive off the battlements was more his style.
Steve
Comment from Mark Valentine
I was starting to like my chances in this contest until I read this. This, I'm thinking, is a winner. Brilliant structure - this one must have taken a while. The internal rhymes give it a Poe-like feel. A classic and other-worldly feel to the story. I whole-heartedly agree that you almost have to very the meter in a poem of this lenght to avoid it sounding like Dr. Seuss.
Thanks for posting - let me know if you ever decide to skip one of these contests and I'll try my luck again.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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I was starting to like my chances in this contest until I read this. This, I'm thinking, is a winner. Brilliant structure - this one must have taken a while. The internal rhymes give it a Poe-like feel. A classic and other-worldly feel to the story. I whole-heartedly agree that you almost have to very the meter in a poem of this lenght to avoid it sounding like Dr. Seuss.
Thanks for posting - let me know if you ever decide to skip one of these contests and I'll try my luck again.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Thanks a lot, Mark, but don't write off your chances yet. I've thought I had a poem deserving of a win in the last three site contests and so far not even an honorable mention!
Steve
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is absolutely wonderful Steve. The rhyme and both meter's are great, you have interior rhyme which I adore! The picture is wonderful( Looks like Christopher Walken LOL) all that and a story in the poem as well calls for a six. Well Done. Good luck. I think it is the winner. Nancy
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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This is absolutely wonderful Steve. The rhyme and both meter's are great, you have interior rhyme which I adore! The picture is wonderful( Looks like Christopher Walken LOL) all that and a story in the poem as well calls for a six. Well Done. Good luck. I think it is the winner. Nancy
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Nancy - yes, I am quite pleased with the end result here, but I on't be counting any chickens in the contest - my luck has been right out in those lately.
Steve
Comment from Adri7enne
Dark good story, told with all the ferve and drama of a real story poem. Brave hero, evil aristocrat, and the brave and loving wife, kidnapped and lost. Lots of drama and the ironic ending. All told in wonderful rhyme and meter. Very well done, steve. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Dark good story, told with all the ferve and drama of a real story poem. Brave hero, evil aristocrat, and the brave and loving wife, kidnapped and lost. Lots of drama and the ironic ending. All told in wonderful rhyme and meter. Very well done, steve. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Thanks so much for the fine review and the six stars - even surprised myself with the ending!
Steve
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Should have read 'verve' rather than 'ferve'. Nevertheless, the admiration was sincere. Yes, a terrific ending.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I loved the Christopher Walken, Sleepy Hollow art work, Steve. It was the perfect choice for an epic poem of this sort, I felt.
"With the Duke astride, through the dark they'd ride..." -- I stumbled over this line just a bit. Consider;
'With the Duke astride, through dark countryside...'
All variations in meter aside, this is a splendid piece of poetry, Steve. It is well thought out and expertly crafted. The internal rhyming and creative use of slant rhymes made for an exciting, epic adventure.
The reveal at the end that the couple's son had lived was indeed a surprise.
It was simply an excellent piece on all fronts.
Best of luck in the contest, Steve.
~Dean
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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I loved the Christopher Walken, Sleepy Hollow art work, Steve. It was the perfect choice for an epic poem of this sort, I felt.
"With the Duke astride, through the dark they'd ride..." -- I stumbled over this line just a bit. Consider;
'With the Duke astride, through dark countryside...'
All variations in meter aside, this is a splendid piece of poetry, Steve. It is well thought out and expertly crafted. The internal rhyming and creative use of slant rhymes made for an exciting, epic adventure.
The reveal at the end that the couple's son had lived was indeed a surprise.
It was simply an excellent piece on all fronts.
Best of luck in the contest, Steve.
~Dean
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Dean, thanks so much for the great review and the six stars - I am glad you feel I have captured the flavour and style of this tragic ballad form.
Steve
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The pleasure was entirely mine, Steve.
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Steve,
What a terrific story/poem. I loved the fast pace, great attention to action and detail and great rhymes. How right you are about changing meters. Maybe that's why I found this riveting. Good work.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Hi Steve,
What a terrific story/poem. I loved the fast pace, great attention to action and detail and great rhymes. How right you are about changing meters. Maybe that's why I found this riveting. Good work.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Lou - glad you enjoyed!
Steve
Comment from MissMerri
A grandly told tale of evil and vengeance, bravery and death. It is not at all difficult to get caught up in the story and quite forget the skill with which it is told, which means you've done an excellent job of writing. I was impressed with the steady rhyme and meter and the internal rhyme, which is especially difficult to keep up in a long poem. This is a six-star effort, even with one tiny punctuation question. (can't call it an error, since I'm not sure I'm right about this.)
***For within my heart grew hard (I think this needs a comma after 'within.' Otherwise, the reader tends to think "within my heart.")
Exceptional, in my opinion. Best wishes in the contest. (How I wish I could find a contest that you did NOT enter! lol )
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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A grandly told tale of evil and vengeance, bravery and death. It is not at all difficult to get caught up in the story and quite forget the skill with which it is told, which means you've done an excellent job of writing. I was impressed with the steady rhyme and meter and the internal rhyme, which is especially difficult to keep up in a long poem. This is a six-star effort, even with one tiny punctuation question. (can't call it an error, since I'm not sure I'm right about this.)
***For within my heart grew hard (I think this needs a comma after 'within.' Otherwise, the reader tends to think "within my heart.")
Exceptional, in my opinion. Best wishes in the contest. (How I wish I could find a contest that you did NOT enter! lol )
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Adonna, thanks so much for the generous review and the six stars. I decided to go all out for this one because in the previous three site contests I had what I thought were competitive entries and none of them even rated a mention! In any case, your wotk is always right up there!
Thanks for the thought about the comma - I was trying to avoid over-punctuating since the internal rhyme made it feel like I could have placed a comma in the middle of all those lines, but yours is a great suggestion.
Steve
And yes, I enter all the site poetry contests - I'll even be trying my hand at free verse, even though I'm hopeless at it!
Comment from Zue65
I don't really consciously look at the meter when I review because I don't believe rhymes will make one a poet. It is how you present the message in a poetic language and it does not necessarily mean it should rhyme. I like the poem, and the story infused in it and the bonus is, it rhymes too. Thanks for sharing. An excellent write.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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I don't really consciously look at the meter when I review because I don't believe rhymes will make one a poet. It is how you present the message in a poetic language and it does not necessarily mean it should rhyme. I like the poem, and the story infused in it and the bonus is, it rhymes too. Thanks for sharing. An excellent write.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Thanks for the kind words. Like you, I onl notice meter if it interferes with the flow of the poem.
Steve
Comment from mshirachot
Steve, This is a stunning presentation of a story in a poem. Wow! The mixed metering actually accents the piece and gives it variety and depth. The story is captivating and filled with adventure and lost love and then that surpirse ending! HIS SON went on to become the next Duke - since only seven months had passed...
Great idea using that internal rhyme on the first and third lines.
This made me think of a bluegrass song called The Lighthouse. Although the "villain" in that song is the sea, there is such a gripping image of the leap from the top which gives me shudders everytime I read of something similar.
Thanks for sharing this. Best wishes for the contest entry. I think it is one on which the committee decides, but were it up for vote...my mind would already be made up!
Blessings,
Marsha
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Steve, This is a stunning presentation of a story in a poem. Wow! The mixed metering actually accents the piece and gives it variety and depth. The story is captivating and filled with adventure and lost love and then that surpirse ending! HIS SON went on to become the next Duke - since only seven months had passed...
Great idea using that internal rhyme on the first and third lines.
This made me think of a bluegrass song called The Lighthouse. Although the "villain" in that song is the sea, there is such a gripping image of the leap from the top which gives me shudders everytime I read of something similar.
Thanks for sharing this. Best wishes for the contest entry. I think it is one on which the committee decides, but were it up for vote...my mind would already be made up!
Blessings,
Marsha
Comment Written 04-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Marsha, thanks for the generous review and the six stars.
I've been searching for the song you mentioned - I found several lighthouse songs - perhaps the one you are referring to is where the tale is told by the lighthouse itself and the keeper throws himself off the tower after his love drowns...
Steve
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Steve. Yes - that's the one. It is by a group called Nickel Creek. I was wrong about the name - it is the Lighthouse's Tale - here you go:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nickelcreek/thelighthousestale.html
Blessings,
Marsha