Comment from royowen

Excellent

These are quite difficult to read Sandra, they've gone off on a lengthy tangent, but I must admit, it is creative and I'm sure you're trying it out to see where it goes. Obviously there must be some connection, between the two times. There are only two.charcters, which makes it restrictive, but well done, good scribing, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

Thank you so much, Roy, for your lovely review. You will see the connection soon, my friend, and then it will all fall in place. Thank you for your continued support, I love having you along. Big hugs, dear friend. :) Sandra xx

reply by royowen on 02-Dec-2018

Most welcome

Comment from barkingdog

Exceptional

I am so anxious to find out the secrets of the war from the newspaper but know that Veronica had to tip-toe carefully with her questions to Mildred. The delay gives the story a build up, an approach to the reveal. Increases the drama/ tension. If I had the book I'd be pressing forward, wanting the questions answered.
Well done, Sandra. You have me hanging on a well-baited hook. :)

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

I hope to have the next part out by Thursday, Ellen, it's almost ready but still a bit to sort out. Thank you so much for the six stars, my friend, that is so very kind of you, and for the lovely review. The questions will be answered.... Big hugs, :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from damommy

Exceptional

What a dilemma! How in the world is Veronica going to get back to her own time, and what is going to happen in the meantime? No, don't tell me. I'll wait. This is so confusing to both of them, Veronica trying to figure things out, and Mildred thinking she's a little goofy from a bang on her head. I don't know how you do it, but you make everything seem so real!

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

Okay, I was going to tell you, but as you insisted, I won't! LOL. Thank you so very much, my friend, for the lovely 6 stars,and wonderful review. I do really appreciate you and your support. Big hugs my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Oh my! I think it's starting to make sense. It has to do with the Admiral, Gladys' husband, right? I think I am now putting two and two together. I do like this story.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

Thank you so much, Barbara, for this lovely review. Hmm, something is amiss here. Veronica has to find out more yet. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from Mistydawn

Exceptional

Well at least she's getting a few answers. Hopefully that'll help her figure out how to fix this mess. Your chapter is a great continium of your story. It's well-written, very interesting. The characters, dialogue and action seems real. This part here, I had to laugh, because I can relate. I reckon mine took off long ago and forgot t' come back,"

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

Thank you so much for the lovely six stars, Mistydawn, that is so nice of you. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part! Big hugs, Sandra xxx

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Veronica is in a bit of a pickle here isn't she.
For one thing she is totally confused and it doesn't look as though Mildred is going to be much help. You know, I was thinking...this story would make a great TV series.
It would certainly keep viewers on the edge of their seats and tuning in next week. LOL Well done Sandra. :)Nancy xxx

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

I wish!!! I'd get the first jet over to give you a hug! LOL. Thank you so much, Nancy, for this lovely review, I'm so over the moon you enjoy reading it. Biggest hugs, my friend!! :) Sandra xx

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Quite a conundrum of a situation for her not to be sure what information she can disclose to Mildred and then to have to feign amnesia. Very interesting content in this chapter. Superb deep POV. Good pacing and sentence mechanics. Great descriptive detail and dialog. Drew me in, held my attention, and left me wanting more.

NOTES


Witty: I reckon mine took off long ago and forgot t' come back,"

*
I laughed as I followed her over and grabbed the drying(-)up cloth ready for when she'd washed the cups.

*
The relief that gushed through my fragile mind was so intense, tears welled dangerously close to falling again.


*What happened to make us dislike them.(?)

*
The shocked gasp that escaped Mildred's lips immediately silenced me.

This could be trimmed and tightened for more effective tone and pacing. Example:

Her shocked gasp immediately silenced me.


*"The firs... T(t)he war.

Lotsa Love,
rd

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

Thank you so much, Rama, for this lovely review. I'm delighted you enjoyed this part. I've added the ?, I don't know what happened there! I think my head is so full of cold at the moment. Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

reply by rama devi on 02-Dec-2018

Sorry about your cold. Sending healing thoughts!

Love, rd
xxoo

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, Sandy. It's good to be back to reading your story once more.

I realize I have missed much, but your writing chapters are "stand alone" type that your talent comes through just fine for me.

Your images are concrete and the dialogue is natural-sounding.

Suggestions: " . . . . know her connection to the powers that be who enables these things? (enable these things)

And: "nd grabbed the drying up cloth ready for...." (Would not the term drying "towel" be okay here? Would sound smoother , I think, Sandra)

Good job, Bob

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

Thank you so much, Bob. I've taken the 's' off 'enables'. I think a 'drying towel' must be an American name for them, we have the 'drying up cloth', or the 'tea-towel', please don't ask me why the 'tea' comes into it! lol. That's the lovely thing about FS, we get to know more about each others words, names and customs. Thank you again, Bob. :)) Sandra xx

reply by Mastery on 02-Dec-2018

Either way, I think people will know what you meant by a cloth to dry dishes. LOL

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Yes, definitely digging the change of pace here. So much scope for the story. Great stuff.

few bits & pieces-

I don't understand ... What happened to make us dislike them. - possibly a question mark in here.

Still not making sense. Was I missing something? Mildred, tell me who you think the powers that be are..." - need opening speech marks in here before Mildred.

"What do you need to know?" she asked as she poured - clip the to to t' here.

She hesitated for a moment before she answered. "1916"- should probably have a full stop in there before the closing speech marks.

Every man and boy were sent to their deaths, and we lost every ship. Without the navy to protect us- there's a couple of 'to's' in here need clipping as well.



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 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

Those t's are so difficult to find if I don't remember to do it as I write. I tend to put everything down first then go and tidy it up. But, I still miss things. Thank goodness for you! Thanks so much for another very helpful review, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from JDRBAR

Exceptional

Was I missing something? Mildred, tell me who you think the powers that be are..."

Missing quote marks in the above

Superb! Such realistic dialogue and emotional frustration. My mind couldn't help trying to formulate questions for Veronica to ask, but then I'd read it in the next sentence. LOL I'm beginning to see the connection to Glady's husband.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2018

Thank you so very much for the lovely 6 stars, my dear friend, and for finding the missing quote marks. I've put them in now. Thanks my friend, for the lovely review. Big hugs. :)) Sandra xxx