Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

Very cute. Yes, it's easy to imagine this as a play. I'm not sure why you have the script in a narrow line on one side of the page. Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi Cindy; I have noticed that while most scripts are formatted as 'centered,' the other FanStorians tend to keep their lines flush left.

I followed along, like a good little duck,

~patty~

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

Are the innocence of kids that's a great little story I could just imagine that conversation happening with two eight year olds. with all the push of stranger danger the innocence of these two is refreshing but sadly kids grow up as a man and a woman and meeting takes on a whole new scenario lol

thanks for sharing

dip

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi dip; thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your kind words,

~patty~

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

Your characters are delightful and precious. I love the dialogue and I think you did a great job with your first script, something I've wanted to try but haven't figured out the correct way to write wone. Nice work with this. I go a real kick out of it too.

You did well for a fist script.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi Sasha;
thank you so much for your time to read and review. This was fun to write, once I got the gist of putting in the action, and dialogue tags.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it,

~patty~

Comment from BOO ghost

Excellent

BOO's favorite quatrain: The children are smoothing the sand of the enormous castle they built together. Four huge towers mark the edges of the structure, and the deep mote completely encircles the whole thing.

BOO-fantastic!

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi Boo!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your time and very kind words,

~patty~

reply by BOO ghost on 16-Aug-2017

okie dokie

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

This is an adorable little skit. I completley enjoyed reading. I see you are multi-talented. I strictly remain in prose. It's all I can handle. I'm jealous of those of you who can do it all.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi Barbara; thank you so much for the compliment!
I've challenged myself a great deal over the several months since my return to FanStory. I've written prose in several genres, composed poems in multiple poetic forms, and now my first script.

I so appreciate your time to read and review,

~patty~

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

In my mind I could see these children as they were play in the sand and their expressions were priceless. You did well for a fist script. Blessings, Patricia

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi Patricia;
thank you so much for your time to read and review this little skit. I had a good time writing this, and I'm glad you enjoyed it,

~patty~

Comment from Curly Girly

Excellent

Hi, Patty. This is an excellent contest entry. I reckon it is already a strong contender. Natural sounding dialogue. Although the conversation seems way beyond the years of the children, we all know kids imitate parental behaviour and attitudes.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi Nicole;
thank you so much for your time to read and review. I appreciate your comments, and I'm glad it came across as well as it did.

~patty~

Comment from bluedragon776

Excellent

This is absolutely adorable! I think you accurately captured the speech patterns of children of that age. I could see the characters in my head. All the best of luck for this contest. What was your inspiration for this anyway?

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi there;
thank you so much for your time to read and review. My only inspiration for this script was MichaelCahill's prose challenge for the week. He suggested we write about children, or for children, and encouraged us to enter the script contest.

So, there you have it,

~patty~

Comment from doggymad

Excellent

Well done Patty. I enjoyed the exchanges between your two characters. It is utterly believable and make the reader want to know more.

Best of luck in the contest

hugs

Freda

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi Freda;
thank you so much for the lovely review. I appreciate your kind words,

~patty~

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

Hello my friend I don't write scripts but I liked this it represents how innocent children can be when younger I enjoyed well done regards Jill

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi Jill;
thank you so much for your lovely review. Writing in the script format was a bit daunting, but once I got into the pattern, it was fun.

~patty~