One man's journey to get clean
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Gary's new life"Getting clean from meth isn't easy
36 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This has been a wonderful novella and so very well written. I'll bet you will get it published. I would like to read it when you do, my friend. It gives hope to those who feel hopeless~Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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This has been a wonderful novella and so very well written. I'll bet you will get it published. I would like to read it when you do, my friend. It gives hope to those who feel hopeless~Debbie
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi Debbie; thank you for the lovely six star review. This writing exercise allowed me to outline the bigger project, and I'm so excited to continue working on it. I'm glad you believe it will help the hopeless. I know it helped me just to write it,
~patty~
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
It sounds like he was lucky to find the group. I like the happy ending. It's hopeful for people with addiction problems. You did a good job. It's a topic that people can relate to.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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It sounds like he was lucky to find the group. I like the happy ending. It's hopeful for people with addiction problems. You did a good job. It's a topic that people can relate to.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi; thank you so much for reading and reviewing this piece. I hope this is full of hope for those who are dealing with addictions - whether their own or a loved one's. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement,
~patty~
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Sure sounds like his prayers were answered when he found the group. Makes for a truly happy ending to the story, and the story would give hope to anyone suffering thru addiction themselves or with a family member. You list it as fiction, but let's hope this sort of things happens in real life. :)
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Sure sounds like his prayers were answered when he found the group. Makes for a truly happy ending to the story, and the story would give hope to anyone suffering thru addiction themselves or with a family member. You list it as fiction, but let's hope this sort of things happens in real life. :)
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi; thank you so much for reading and reviewing this last chapter. I tied it up all nice and neat, but when I 'flesh' it out, there will be a lot more twists and turns and a relapse in there. I'm glad you enjoyed the story,
~patty~
Comment from patcelaw
Patty, this novella has been an interesting read for me. I have had to be hospitalized for Bi polar disorder and one time for PTSD and you writing is very true to the way things happen in the mental health hospitals. I do hope you will expand on it further. Blessings, pPatricia
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Patty, this novella has been an interesting read for me. I have had to be hospitalized for Bi polar disorder and one time for PTSD and you writing is very true to the way things happen in the mental health hospitals. I do hope you will expand on it further. Blessings, pPatricia
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi Patricia; for now, the novella is finished. I have the outline drawn out, and I'm developing the back stories of the characters, and I will flesh it out into a full novel over the next year or so. I will probably share the finished project as a revived post when it is all done. Thank you for following this work.
~patty~
Comment from Ulla
Good story with a happy ending. The happy ending doesn't bother me as such, but it's a bit too neat maybe. Nothing in this life is so cleanly washed. Never mind, a good ending is always a good ending. Ulla:)
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Good story with a happy ending. The happy ending doesn't bother me as such, but it's a bit too neat maybe. Nothing in this life is so cleanly washed. Never mind, a good ending is always a good ending. Ulla:)
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi - I think I wanted it to end happy. The full length book will have many more ups and downs, and a relapse. I worked on the basic outline here on FanStory. thank you for stopping in to read and review. I appreciate your comments,
~patty~
Comment from gene roush
I like this.
The character is well-drawn, and it's an important topic.
I feel like you got a little bogged down in describing the room. This might a case of less is more.
I was trained to begin each additional paragraph of dialogue with quotation marks. That might not be true outside the U.S.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck in your pursuit.
Gene
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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I like this.
The character is well-drawn, and it's an important topic.
I feel like you got a little bogged down in describing the room. This might a case of less is more.
I was trained to begin each additional paragraph of dialogue with quotation marks. That might not be true outside the U.S.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck in your pursuit.
Gene
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi Gene; I appreciate your time to read and review. I totally agree with you about the quotation marks, but the grammar police on the site tell me that it isn't needed, so I changed it from what I originally had. Your suggestions are greatly appreciated.
~patty~
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I hate unanswered questions. So, I googled it.
Multiple sources say we're right. Thanks for questioning it.
Gene
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thank you!! I went back and re-edited to put the quotation marks back in. ~p~
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
'Gary's New Life' is a good read.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Good dialogue.
--It's hard to 'kick an addiction'. I have an aunt who suffers from seizures but she is an alcoholic. No matter how the doctors tell her it's not good for her to drink and take her seizure meds, she continues to do it.
Thanks for sharing a part of your book.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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'Gary's New Life' is a good read.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Good dialogue.
--It's hard to 'kick an addiction'. I have an aunt who suffers from seizures but she is an alcoholic. No matter how the doctors tell her it's not good for her to drink and take her seizure meds, she continues to do it.
Thanks for sharing a part of your book.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi Nicole; thank you for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate your feedback and kind words of encouragement,
~patty~
Comment from lyenochka
It was a very good novella, Patty! So glad for the happy ending and the resolution of hurt relationships!!
One sentence that I had to re-read to understand was:
"Healing the relationship with his sister, Hilary, Gary could spend Christmases with the whole family and spend time with his niece and nephew."
Perhaps it could be two sentences or the "healing" could be "having healed?" The semicolon doesn't seem needed, just a comma.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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It was a very good novella, Patty! So glad for the happy ending and the resolution of hurt relationships!!
One sentence that I had to re-read to understand was:
"Healing the relationship with his sister, Hilary, Gary could spend Christmases with the whole family and spend time with his niece and nephew."
Perhaps it could be two sentences or the "healing" could be "having healed?" The semicolon doesn't seem needed, just a comma.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi; thank you for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate your suggestion. I already edited it to change the wording a bit. Your thoughtful words of encouragement are greatly appreciated,
~patty~
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello Patty,
Looks like I only called the final part of your novella.
There's such a ring of authenticity to the write. I wonder if there's some biographical element to the story.
Powerful and moving. A mother's love ... wow! there's nothing like it, is there?
Best wishes with the publishing.
Love,
Sonali xx
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hello Patty,
Looks like I only called the final part of your novella.
There's such a ring of authenticity to the write. I wonder if there's some biographical element to the story.
Powerful and moving. A mother's love ... wow! there's nothing like it, is there?
Best wishes with the publishing.
Love,
Sonali xx
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi Sonali; the only authenticity to this story is that my youngest son is an addict. This story is about MY hopes and dreams for his recovery. I can only pray it will come true someday.
~patty~
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
All wrapped up nice and neat by the end. A little bit too neat, perhaps but that may just be splitting hairs.
Stacked the copies of the AA Bible waited on the table in the back of the room - this reads awkwardly. Perhaps insert a comma after Stacked.
Nervous, Gary paced outside in the hall. His stomach was tied up in knots and his palms were sweaty - you could streamline this and cut out the 'was', 'were' quite easily to something like.
Gary paced outside in the hall; stomach knotted, palms sweaty. In this way you don't need to tell the reader he's nervous, it's more direct and to the point.
Feeling himself flush on his neck, Gary began to pray for strength. He felt weak - maybe vary the feeling/felt repetition here.
The response from the group was in unison. "Hi Gary." - it's highly unlikely for a large group of people to speak in unison. they all voice the same response but at the same time?
I suffer from both bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder."
"Finding this out was a blow - when taking a new paragraph in dialogue, you only need speech marks for the new paragraph. you don't need to close off the previous one with closing speech marks as it is continued speech. (you do this a few times)
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hi there,
All wrapped up nice and neat by the end. A little bit too neat, perhaps but that may just be splitting hairs.
Stacked the copies of the AA Bible waited on the table in the back of the room - this reads awkwardly. Perhaps insert a comma after Stacked.
Nervous, Gary paced outside in the hall. His stomach was tied up in knots and his palms were sweaty - you could streamline this and cut out the 'was', 'were' quite easily to something like.
Gary paced outside in the hall; stomach knotted, palms sweaty. In this way you don't need to tell the reader he's nervous, it's more direct and to the point.
Feeling himself flush on his neck, Gary began to pray for strength. He felt weak - maybe vary the feeling/felt repetition here.
The response from the group was in unison. "Hi Gary." - it's highly unlikely for a large group of people to speak in unison. they all voice the same response but at the same time?
I suffer from both bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder."
"Finding this out was a blow - when taking a new paragraph in dialogue, you only need speech marks for the new paragraph. you don't need to close off the previous one with closing speech marks as it is continued speech. (you do this a few times)
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 18-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
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Hey GMG - thank you so much for your time to read and review. I made notes from your review and I will work them in over the next few minutes. I like your suggestions, and I appreciate the thoughtful critique,
~patty~