Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 56 "Sunka Moon, Part Two"Murder Mystery
38 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Bev. It's good to read your chapters again. I have missed them. Your images are solid. Like:
"His angular features, in the room's low lighting, seemed all lines and skin sucked clean of vigor."
And: "Her brisk, back-to-business tone broke the spell in the room. The CSI's fanned out to continue gathering evidence, and Dred moved to a Victorian-style dresser with an elaborate mirror vandalized by a coat of black paint. He opened the top drawer of the dresser, then gestured for the detectives to move closer."
Also: ""Hot damn. What have we got here?" Dred whooped. In his hand was a black book which he displayed like a magician producing a rabbit from a hat. He skimmed the pages and looked up wearing a cat-in-the birdhouse smile."
Suggestions: "Sensing a lifeline, Jana turned toward the comforting figure at her side. "That cold-hearted bitch from the news station cannot get her hands on these pictures, Skeets," she said." (I don't think you need the tag on this, Bev.)
Good job. Bob
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Hi, Bev. It's good to read your chapters again. I have missed them. Your images are solid. Like:
"His angular features, in the room's low lighting, seemed all lines and skin sucked clean of vigor."
And: "Her brisk, back-to-business tone broke the spell in the room. The CSI's fanned out to continue gathering evidence, and Dred moved to a Victorian-style dresser with an elaborate mirror vandalized by a coat of black paint. He opened the top drawer of the dresser, then gestured for the detectives to move closer."
Also: ""Hot damn. What have we got here?" Dred whooped. In his hand was a black book which he displayed like a magician producing a rabbit from a hat. He skimmed the pages and looked up wearing a cat-in-the birdhouse smile."
Suggestions: "Sensing a lifeline, Jana turned toward the comforting figure at her side. "That cold-hearted bitch from the news station cannot get her hands on these pictures, Skeets," she said." (I don't think you need the tag on this, Bev.)
Good job. Bob
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Hi, Bob. Thank you so much for this gracious review. I'm honored by your continued interest and the the time you took to read. Glad for your suggestions and insights. It's all great fodder! Hope you are feeling well? Warmest regards, Bev
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I go in for a new look in late April feeling fine now...Just trying to peddle my book. Not writing much right now. May start a new Cleve Hawkins thriller soon. :) Bob
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Great to hear you're feeling well and ready to get back to Cleve. Your fans demand it, Bob!
Comment from Dawn Munro
You are killing me, my friend, because I have been reviewing madly since midnight Saturday night and I think this is my favorite of all the outstanding chapters so far. I have no sixes left, Bev, and this is stupendous writing!!! As natural as breathing, and so, so compelling! So easy to identify with Jana, and ALL the characters. Just fabulous pacing, wonderful description - bestseller material, here, no kidding.
******************************************************!!!!
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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You are killing me, my friend, because I have been reviewing madly since midnight Saturday night and I think this is my favorite of all the outstanding chapters so far. I have no sixes left, Bev, and this is stupendous writing!!! As natural as breathing, and so, so compelling! So easy to identify with Jana, and ALL the characters. Just fabulous pacing, wonderful description - bestseller material, here, no kidding.
******************************************************!!!!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Hi Dawn. I'm very happy with the five, Dawn. And what means even more to me is how infectious your enthusiasm is for the write. Your support means so very much, my friend. Big Hug, Bev
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GROOOOAANNN. You are so wonderfully gracious, but man, I hated having to rate that genius piece a five!
Big hugs right back. (Better be careful - my grip is that of a wrestler. *grin*)
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That you care so much is really touching, Dawn. You're the best, buddy!!! xxxooo Bev
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:) You are. Don't argue. :)
(All kidding aside, I appreciate you too, my friend - so much. Got my groove back, so been working like a little demon, but thank you for being there for me, Bev. Just knowing you are makes all the difference. Know it goes both ways too, eh? XXOO)
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Absolutely, I know I can count on you, too, Dawn. You're a great lady with gobs of talent. Love ya, Bev
Comment from Aussie
'preoccupied with throwing her tits around in order to get up close and personal with the killer." This tickled my fancy because I could see it happening - I have a problem with size and anyone who hugs me ends up with two black eyes! I am thoroughly enjoying your writing - most professional in every way - you will have it published my friend. The story grips the reader and takes us through the lines with great descriptions and action. I like the fact that you don't have to use swear words to get your point across. Excellent my friend. XX
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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'preoccupied with throwing her tits around in order to get up close and personal with the killer." This tickled my fancy because I could see it happening - I have a problem with size and anyone who hugs me ends up with two black eyes! I am thoroughly enjoying your writing - most professional in every way - you will have it published my friend. The story grips the reader and takes us through the lines with great descriptions and action. I like the fact that you don't have to use swear words to get your point across. Excellent my friend. XX
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Hiya, Kaye. Thank you for this really awesome review. I have a similar chest situation, and you made me laugh at your great visual. Your support and encouragement are pure gold, Kay. Bless you, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
Oh, my dear Bev,
I'm so glad I still have a six for you. What a storyteller you are! Wheels within wheels and you keep the momentum going with them all.
SO very well done, my clever friend.
Hugs and lots and lots of love,
xxxx
Sonali :)
shadows to cover his concern(,) and the Profiler remained rooted to his spot
dresser with an elaborate mirror(,) vandalized by a coat of black paint
the Pearces (no apostrophe) were parishioners
As Dred was speaking, he was simultaneous(ly) busy pulling
where wood splinters poked through the skin(,) (b)ut she kept on maneuvering
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Oh, my dear Bev,
I'm so glad I still have a six for you. What a storyteller you are! Wheels within wheels and you keep the momentum going with them all.
SO very well done, my clever friend.
Hugs and lots and lots of love,
xxxx
Sonali :)
shadows to cover his concern(,) and the Profiler remained rooted to his spot
dresser with an elaborate mirror(,) vandalized by a coat of black paint
the Pearces (no apostrophe) were parishioners
As Dred was speaking, he was simultaneous(ly) busy pulling
where wood splinters poked through the skin(,) (b)ut she kept on maneuvering
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Sonali, how very gracious and kind you are. Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. Your words mean a lot to me, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
This story keeps getting better and better. You are winding up for a suspense filled ending. The showdown with the killer. Eyeball to eyeball. I can't wait to read more!
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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This story keeps getting better and better. You are winding up for a suspense filled ending. The showdown with the killer. Eyeball to eyeball. I can't wait to read more!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Joy, thank you so much very much for hanging there with me for this novel. Yes, the coming chapters will ramp up supernatural aspects leading to what is called in Exorcism rituals - The Clash. Your generosity is so appreciated, my friend.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
What an opening paragraph. Talk about a take-off. And from there, this post just soars ever higher. The level of writing is beyond professional, Bev. This is a superb story in so many ways. This, I think, is one of your best posts yet. Jana's stress level is palpable, as is her struggle to remain profession under incredible duress.
Even the animosity between the cops is expertly portrayed.
Fantastic dialogue throughout, both external and internal. There are so many fabulous touches, like thumbs on the photo, the forehead against the wall, the black paint on the mirror, and the touch between Rick and Jana.
The way they work out the connections at the school is expertly done.
"On my life, this desecration will be avenged, Leksitku." brilliant.
cat-in-the birdhouse smile. - love it.
And the hidden diary and videos - got a shiver!
I don't have words for the hook you left us with.
What's it gonna be, Cousin? The Wasicu or your own blood?" Amazing, my dear Bev. I'm so very proud of you and honoured to read this remarkable piece of work.
Love and hugs,
Av
xx
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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What an opening paragraph. Talk about a take-off. And from there, this post just soars ever higher. The level of writing is beyond professional, Bev. This is a superb story in so many ways. This, I think, is one of your best posts yet. Jana's stress level is palpable, as is her struggle to remain profession under incredible duress.
Even the animosity between the cops is expertly portrayed.
Fantastic dialogue throughout, both external and internal. There are so many fabulous touches, like thumbs on the photo, the forehead against the wall, the black paint on the mirror, and the touch between Rick and Jana.
The way they work out the connections at the school is expertly done.
"On my life, this desecration will be avenged, Leksitku." brilliant.
cat-in-the birdhouse smile. - love it.
And the hidden diary and videos - got a shiver!
I don't have words for the hook you left us with.
What's it gonna be, Cousin? The Wasicu or your own blood?" Amazing, my dear Bev. I'm so very proud of you and honoured to read this remarkable piece of work.
Love and hugs,
Av
xx
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Av, my heart is deeply touched by the warmth and kindness of your review. What an inspiration you remain for me. In fact, before I posted, I went to your latest chapter and picked up some last minutes ideas to flesh the chapter out. So, you see, you are truly my mentor in many ways. We seem to be on a similar path with our stories. I love that!! Hugs, Bev
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Yes, we are, and I love it too, Bev. It's entirely mutual, believe me.
xx
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
This is excellent! What a great chapter with superb dialogue. I could feel the tension in the room, the steely eyed looks and seething control of tempers. You showed Jana perfectly, her ties to family and responsibilities as a detective. What a position to be placed in, the honour of her people or her job. Amazing ending to the chapter!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Hi, Bev.
This is excellent! What a great chapter with superb dialogue. I could feel the tension in the room, the steely eyed looks and seething control of tempers. You showed Jana perfectly, her ties to family and responsibilities as a detective. What a position to be placed in, the honour of her people or her job. Amazing ending to the chapter!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Rosalyne, thank you so much, my friend. I am thrilled with this amazing review! Your generosity and support are constantly encouraging for me. Love ya, Bev
Comment from boxergirl
Good job on the continuation of your story line. I could feel Jana's pain at having to look at the photos of her uncle being molested as a child. Now she has to make a decision about following this crime or going to help Tony.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Good job on the continuation of your story line. I could feel Jana's pain at having to look at the photos of her uncle being molested as a child. Now she has to make a decision about following this crime or going to help Tony.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, BG. I appreciate your support and encouragement. :0) Bev
Comment from RGstar
Another great chapter, Bev. You are in full control. Nothing more, nothing less. A great write that coincides with that which has preceded it.
There is a complete balance to this which allows the writer to relax, as though sitting on a comfy chair, with no worries in the world of being interrupted.
Bravo, Bev,
RG
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Another great chapter, Bev. You are in full control. Nothing more, nothing less. A great write that coincides with that which has preceded it.
There is a complete balance to this which allows the writer to relax, as though sitting on a comfy chair, with no worries in the world of being interrupted.
Bravo, Bev,
RG
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Hello, RG. Thank you for these wonderfully kind words of encouragement and support! It's especially great to hear from someone whose own work I admire. :0) Bev
Comment from Rondeno
Great conflict, great dialogue. I love the way you interweave the plot lines, so that one strand impacts on another. Writing of a very high class, Bev!
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Great conflict, great dialogue. I love the way you interweave the plot lines, so that one strand impacts on another. Writing of a very high class, Bev!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Mikey. I'm thrilled that you liked my dialogue. It's an area I always wrestle with, so your insight means the world to me! You're the best, buddy.
XXXOOOxxoo Bev