Off We Go To School
The first day at school.30 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Good use of rhyming couplets
and good cadence in your lines - this sounds good when read aloud, which is a must for children's poetry, which is often read to a child
I like the alliterative names of the animal characters
Good detail that makes this sound like a pleasant day at school, which is also a good way of encouraging children about the school experience :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Good use of rhyming couplets
and good cadence in your lines - this sounds good when read aloud, which is a must for children's poetry, which is often read to a child
I like the alliterative names of the animal characters
Good detail that makes this sound like a pleasant day at school, which is also a good way of encouraging children about the school experience :-) Brooke
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Thank you Brooke, I am so glad you liked it. You always give such thoughtful reviews, xsx
Comment from randomzed
You may know something I don't.
"Hedgerow Capers" makes this poem appear as one of many.
Is that the case?
This makes a very good children's poem.
Easy to read and a context attractive to children.
1 minor criticism:
Some of the rhymes don't rhyme.
e.g. stairs/hair toast/coats.
At first, I thought this was free verse.
Apart from that, children will love this type of poem.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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You may know something I don't.
"Hedgerow Capers" makes this poem appear as one of many.
Is that the case?
This makes a very good children's poem.
Easy to read and a context attractive to children.
1 minor criticism:
Some of the rhymes don't rhyme.
e.g. stairs/hair toast/coats.
At first, I thought this was free verse.
Apart from that, children will love this type of poem.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Tahank you, randomzed, for reading and reviewing my poem. Yes, 'Hedgerow Capers´is the second of many more to come. The third is almost finished. I will watch the rhyming more carefully, thank you for that, I much prefer reviewers to be honest, at least that way I can try to improve. xsx
Comment from stephybs
Excellent work! What a lovely little story and so cleverly thought up! I really like this little journey a children's poem to bring sheer delight to their little minds and mine too! Stephanie
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Excellent work! What a lovely little story and so cleverly thought up! I really like this little journey a children's poem to bring sheer delight to their little minds and mine too! Stephanie
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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I am so pleased you liked my story enough to give me a review. Thank you so much! xsx
Comment from irishauthorme
This is an amusing children's poem, my four year old grandson enjoyed listening as I read it to him. Of course, he wanted to know if there were going to be any little mouses going to school with him when he starts this coming fall. I told him that he would have to wait and see!
Good job, irish
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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This is an amusing children's poem, my four year old grandson enjoyed listening as I read it to him. Of course, he wanted to know if there were going to be any little mouses going to school with him when he starts this coming fall. I told him that he would have to wait and see!
Good job, irish
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Your s
grandson sounds like my granddaughter. Children are so delightful and their minds so open. Thank you so much, irish, for the lovely review you gave. xsx
Comment from Artie R. Sandbaggs
I very much enjoyed the rhyme and meter in this poem. Nothing felt forced and you used variety of sounds and words without any repeats. Also, the images were wonderful and I think would look lovely accompanied with some illustrations. Even though you have it written here in a stanza, it would do well as an easy reader's book, with maybe a line or two on each page.
My only criticism is with the plot, which demonstrates a lack of conflict. I think in any good children's book, there needs to be a conflict that is resolved over the course of the story or poem. This an essential element of most good writing, but is crucial in children's literature. Young students don't know how to deal with disagreement and conflict, they lack empathy and an understanding of perspective. I think the first day of school is likely the start of a great number of conflicts that you could resolve. Right now I see that as the only element missing.
Best luck to you.
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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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I very much enjoyed the rhyme and meter in this poem. Nothing felt forced and you used variety of sounds and words without any repeats. Also, the images were wonderful and I think would look lovely accompanied with some illustrations. Even though you have it written here in a stanza, it would do well as an easy reader's book, with maybe a line or two on each page.
My only criticism is with the plot, which demonstrates a lack of conflict. I think in any good children's book, there needs to be a conflict that is resolved over the course of the story or poem. This an essential element of most good writing, but is crucial in children's literature. Young students don't know how to deal with disagreement and conflict, they lack empathy and an understanding of perspective. I think the first day of school is likely the start of a great number of conflicts that you could resolve. Right now I see that as the only element missing.
Best luck to you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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What a very thought out and constructive review, I really do appreciate it. I much prefer you to be honest, that way I can learn by it and try to improve. Thank you so much! xsx
Comment from wordsfromsue
What a lovely, friendly story! Plenty of interesting characters and a simple story line that any child and bigger person reading it can enjoy.
Nice!
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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What a lovely, friendly story! Plenty of interesting characters and a simple story line that any child and bigger person reading it can enjoy.
Nice!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Thank you, sue, I am so pleased you liked it. Thank you so much for reviewing my poem. xsx
Comment from Piggies Grandma
This is a very lovely poem Sandra and I enjoyed reading it very much. It is cleverly written and very well thought out. I'm sure children will love reading and having this read to them.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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This is a very lovely poem Sandra and I enjoyed reading it very much. It is cleverly written and very well thought out. I'm sure children will love reading and having this read to them.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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I am so glad you liked it, Piggies Grandma, thank you! Thank you for the lovely review also. xsx
Comment from Bri97
I really love this poem, it seems so happy! I love the rhythm of it and the rhymes you have used, and there is really nothing I can fault. If I were to make any suggestions, you could change the last line of the first verse to 'Today was their first day of going to school'. I love the imagination that has gone into this poem and I really enjoyed reading it!
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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I really love this poem, it seems so happy! I love the rhythm of it and the rhymes you have used, and there is really nothing I can fault. If I were to make any suggestions, you could change the last line of the first verse to 'Today was their first day of going to school'. I love the imagination that has gone into this poem and I really enjoyed reading it!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Thank You so much for your wonderful review and lovely 6stars! I am so honored. The review is very helpful and I agree with you about the last line in the firt verse and will go in and change it. I really appreciate your review, most helpful xsx
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No problem :)
Comment from peggles
This is well written story and you have good use of imagery and description
Your story is very good as always and I enjoy the characters you create and dialogue
I had a feeling this was going to be a good children's story Very creative and well written a pleasure to read
hope to see more soon
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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This is well written story and you have good use of imagery and description
Your story is very good as always and I enjoy the characters you create and dialogue
I had a feeling this was going to be a good children's story Very creative and well written a pleasure to read
hope to see more soon
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Thank you, peggles, I really appreciate your reviews, they are always so thoughtful. xsx
Comment from Dutchie
Funny poem about the first schoolday. I loved the alliteration of the animals and their names. Nice story in a poem with a good flow and rhyme. You did a great job. I loved it. Fia
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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Funny poem about the first schoolday. I loved the alliteration of the animals and their names. Nice story in a poem with a good flow and rhyme. You did a great job. I loved it. Fia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Fia, I am so glad you liked my poem, thank you for such a lovely review. xsx