Said The Spider To The Fly
Fly away, little one, run for your life.30 total reviews
Comment from Gooloom
Well I will comment about the photo first. Very graphic, very evil, very sly as it stalks its prey. You have written very wellabout the evil spider and the innocent fly, who can sense her doom, but is too stunned into silence by her desire as wellas fear. The spider satiated with his lust fulfilled, is not aware that his doom lies round the corner, as the swat hits him and he dies a gruesome death. Very good and very interesting story. You have an easy open style and will make a good writer and author as well in the future. Gooloom
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Well I will comment about the photo first. Very graphic, very evil, very sly as it stalks its prey. You have written very wellabout the evil spider and the innocent fly, who can sense her doom, but is too stunned into silence by her desire as wellas fear. The spider satiated with his lust fulfilled, is not aware that his doom lies round the corner, as the swat hits him and he dies a gruesome death. Very good and very interesting story. You have an easy open style and will make a good writer and author as well in the future. Gooloom
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Gooloom!! May I ask what your screen name means? It's really neat! ? And thank you for this great review. I had fun creeping myself out with this one! SO glad you liked it!! Thank you again! ") Susan
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Glad u liked my review. My real name is Mrs Gooloo mehta. i am from India. Gooloom
Comment from Carrie Smith
Another great flash fiction story, Susan. The details were suburb. This was written with almost no dialogue but was still as good as the others. Thinking from the spider's view was also a change. I liked this. Will be in touch soon. Love to you this morning...Susan
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Another great flash fiction story, Susan. The details were suburb. This was written with almost no dialogue but was still as good as the others. Thinking from the spider's view was also a change. I liked this. Will be in touch soon. Love to you this morning...Susan
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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HI Susan! THANK YOU!!! SO glad you read this for me! I had fun creeping myself out here!! AND that picture!! Ahhhhhhh!!! How strange!! Talk soon!! I am going to "map" your address to see how many miles it might be...if the house sells soon, I want to see your area? Love, Susan
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Hi dear Susan. Hope your house sells soon. I want you away from those creeps! Go ahead and take a look at where I am - It is NOT that far. Loads of love Susan Yeah, let's talk soon! LOL Susan
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Some people liked the place and the lady asked me what the negatives were and i was too honest. Told her about the explosions, and all, so they didn't make an offer. Our realtor told me not to talk to buyers anymore. Don't blame him. I just thought they should know? They had 2 kids. So, this is how the world is. "( HUG> Susan
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a different storyline about lost being something that will catch the judges' attention. i enjoyed reading this and i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a different storyline about lost being something that will catch the judges' attention. i enjoyed reading this and i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Sweet! this is not in a contest, I missed the deadline for this? so just put it here for fun! Thank you so much! I do appreciate you, and this kind rating too!! I had fun creeping myself out with this!! ") Susan
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Well, I hate spiders, don't
like flies and the splatter
at the end - oh, all right,
I admit it is well written...
and I did read it right through.
the spider raised up
the spider rose up
would help[,](;) now he needed
Margaret
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Well, I hate spiders, don't
like flies and the splatter
at the end - oh, all right,
I admit it is well written...
and I did read it right through.
the spider raised up
the spider rose up
would help[,](;) now he needed
Margaret
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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OH dear!! I am so sorry!! But I can't help but smile at your distress!! ") I hate them too, and Margaret, I almost laid my hand on a four inch across wolf spider the other night when I was pulling the barn door closed? I almost passed out! I went limp in my muscles for a few seconds! Ha. It just sat there too, until I moved to get a horse brush to hit it. ANd it did escape me!! SO, it's still out there, watching, waiting, for me again...oh gee. Oh, and I will change "raised" too, to "rose", thank you! Luv, Susan
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I'd of gone in to a dead faint, I'm sure. Don't even like to see them on tv. Ugh!! M
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Oh Margaret!! I am so sorry, you sure don't have to read everything I put out? Please forgive me, I could have sent you a note of warning? I am so very sorry...I am scared of them, but I wind up laughing at myself, and forget that not everyone can do that!!! ") I feel terrible! Susan
Comment from Kelly Shackelford
I loved this retelling of an oldie but goodie. It is very well written and pulled me right along. thank you for sharing and good luck
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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I loved this retelling of an oldie but goodie. It is very well written and pulled me right along. thank you for sharing and good luck
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Kelly! Thank you! I couldn't resist this term...it's a real classic! SO glad you liked this, I had fun creeping myself out with it that's for sure! ") Susan
Comment from Judith Ann
You have used such descriptive words to set your scene that I could feel the "yuck" factor begin to permeate my being. Your use of metaphors is brilliant.
I love the lines, "The spider raised up, to tower over the fly, making her cringe in fear. His dark eyes glinted yellow for one brief second. She flitted away, seeking refuge in the dirty basement of her tiny heart." This is very good flash writing. -Judy
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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You have used such descriptive words to set your scene that I could feel the "yuck" factor begin to permeate my being. Your use of metaphors is brilliant.
I love the lines, "The spider raised up, to tower over the fly, making her cringe in fear. His dark eyes glinted yellow for one brief second. She flitted away, seeking refuge in the dirty basement of her tiny heart." This is very good flash writing. -Judy
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Judith! Thank you!! What an encouraging review! I appreciate it very much! I had a good time with this one! ") Susan
Comment from BethShelby
You really brought the scene to life with the enticement of the fly only to have a bigger predator take the life of the spider. It was short story on two levels and very descriptive.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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You really brought the scene to life with the enticement of the fly only to have a bigger predator take the life of the spider. It was short story on two levels and very descriptive.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Beth! Thank you! I am happy to hear from you!! I had fun with this one, I am afraid of spiders, we have the big wolf spiders here, some do get big too, up to four inches across...I almost laid my hand on one that big in our barn the other evening. Oh....it was awful!!! "( Susan
Comment from Eddie Z
This is really clever. Love the creature descriptions and the basement. And of course the suspension as the barman enters. Just brilliant. The story just flowed. Very easy to read.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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This is really clever. Love the creature descriptions and the basement. And of course the suspension as the barman enters. Just brilliant. The story just flowed. Very easy to read.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Eddie! Thank you! I'm happy you got a kick out of this...AND I greatly appreciate your time to review for me too! Thanks again!! Susan
Comment from adewpearl
in admiration, she was agape - I would replace the comma with a period or semicolon to avoid a comma splice/run-on
lights were dim, prey and predator - same comment as above
The bantor irritated - banter
asthma both, beginning to wear - drop the comma
It's circumference - drop the apostrophe
I love that this fattened spider who was the heartless predator in the first part of the story gets his just desserts in the end and becomes the human's prey. This is a well-told story, Susan. Brooke
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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in admiration, she was agape - I would replace the comma with a period or semicolon to avoid a comma splice/run-on
lights were dim, prey and predator - same comment as above
The bantor irritated - banter
asthma both, beginning to wear - drop the comma
It's circumference - drop the apostrophe
I love that this fattened spider who was the heartless predator in the first part of the story gets his just desserts in the end and becomes the human's prey. This is a well-told story, Susan. Brooke
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Good morning Brooke! I will fix these asap, and thank you once more! Wasn't that picture so odd??? I was amazed at how weird this looks! Don't know if it fits the story,but just had to use it? I don't know what is wrong with me? ") Thank you so much, I always appreciate your comments and help Brooke!! Susan
Comment from c_lucas
Do unto others what will eventually be done unto you. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making of a very easy read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Do unto others what will eventually be done unto you. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making of a very easy read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Charlie! Thank you! I had a weird moment. It's great to hear from you again! I'm happy you got the gist of this silly tale! Happy Monday! And happy writing too! Susan
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You're welcome, Susan. Charlie
