Comment from makata

Excellent

An excellent prayer for repentance. God is a Great Forgiver and may this poem serves as a reminder for all of us to feel free to approach God in prayer to ask for repentance. I like the picture you used here, it shows genuine repentance. Excellent metaphors, good flow and thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

Thanks so much for such a thoughtful and kind-hearted review makata - I very much appreciate it and am glad you enjoyed this one! xoxoxoxo

Comment from mmichelle97219

Excellent

Genuine true repentance is what cleanses the soul, and that can only be proven by the acts your heart dictates instead of what you say. I thought this was very well done.
Michelle

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008

Thanks so much Michelle. A bit of a dark and sombre one compared to others, but sometimes the dark and sombre needs an airing! I appreciate your encouragement as always xoxoxoxoxoxo

Comment from earthlybeing

Exceptional

Oh this is a beautiful poem and a great entry in the contest. Love the meaning here of searching for forgiveness and clinging to the Lord. Well written and a great read. Good luck you should do wonderfully. Thanks, Jeanette

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008

As said in pm, I greatly appreciate your kind words, the six stars and your consistent encouragement and support. All blessings go your way from me Jeanette xoxoxoxoxo

Comment from Kentucky Sweet Pea

Excellent

Damnit! Girl! THIS IS AWESOME! And I don't have a six! Damn.

You made me feel every ounce of despair in every word written in this prayer. YOU need to get your work published. I am increasingly impressed with your writing; both humor and the serious sided pieces are just excellent.

I am being honest, Chris, when I tell you that this is one of the finest pieces of writing I have ever laid my eyes on.

Elusive and slipp'ry, my grip has been loosed
As joy slides away through thorns on a noose
Outstretched are my fingers but they cannot find
The warmth of forgiveness, nor sight to eyes, blind

Weakened and wizened, I am desert within
Barren and arid, dried out in hell's wind
No rescue or foothold, no way to be free
Wingless my Angels whose hearts cry for me

God, shine a merciful light on this wraith
Who, here in Your goodness, clings on with raw faith
For You can deliver my soul from black skies
By viewing it through Your benevolent eyes

The other stanzas are beautiful, too, but these three are standouts of the standouts.

Much love and joy!
Penny

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008

Why, thank you my Lady Pen-Pea! Goodness, it's great to hear you thought so much of this. It is a tad depressing though, ain't it? But sometimes I just love to get out the tissues and write about issues...

Again, bless ya and love ya! xoxoxoxo

Comment from Jarlsbane

Excellent

Overall a very enjoyable read, good use of slant rhyme and the rythym runs easy... i would just point out that repentance comes not from how God looks at us as your last line suggests but how we view God. Placing him as Lord and Savior on the throne of your life... -Jarls

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008

You're right about that last line, but I suppose when one gets to lost and down, they want someone, anyone, to view them with benevolent eyes. They are so far down they can't quite get up there to view God with the same eyes until they receive the favour from Him. At least, that's what I was trying to convey here.

Thanks for such a thoughtful and sensitive review Jarisbane (Jarls). I appreciate all you've said here xoxoxoxoxxoo

Comment from Scubartist

Excellent

Beautiful writing. I loved the imagery and your use of language. I particularly loved the line "Weakened and wizened, I am desert within" - such a perfect description of how it feels to be so lost and alone. Thanks for sharing it.

Keep writing, you have a gift.

All the best,
Kelly

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008

Thanks so much Kelly! I keep on gettin' the pen out always, but have lots of lulls between doing anything, so hence my reasonably low rank! I'm happily overjoyed you liked this and appreciate your kind words very much xoxoxoxoxo

Comment from Winslow

Excellent

Dear Alpacalady,

This poem of yours is done with style, excellent rhyming, rhythm and flow. It has a dark feel to it though so it makes it no fun to read.

Warm regards,

Winslow

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008

Hi Winslow! I'm laughing as I write this reply! No fun to read, eh? Love that! It IS a dark, sombre poem and is certainly not meant to be fun, but I hope it didn't depress you too much! I was trying to bring out the absolute depths of despair a person can feel, and it looks like I might have succeeded.

Thank you so much for your review. You still viewed it on its merits, even though it was "no fun to read", which I appreciate hugely. Still giggling a bit here, and I hope you don't take offence to my reaction... xoxoxoxoxoxo