A Serendipitous Meeting
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 " Serendipitous Meeting Chapter 1"Traditional in a modern world..
34 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
I'm wondering why Rebeka's agent is not a nice guy. I wondering if you are getting back at your agent. Lol. Anyway, you always have such good people whom we immediately find ourselves rooting for!
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2025
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I'm wondering why Rebeka's agent is not a nice guy. I wondering if you are getting back at your agent. Lol. Anyway, you always have such good people whom we immediately find ourselves rooting for!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the kind review. My agent is a nice person. LOL
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
What a start to your novel, Barbara! I didn't feel this chapter was overlong at all and enjoyed the pace of events and the mystery surrounding Rebeka's condition (pregnant perhaps?) and her reluctance to accept accommodation from Dr Tyler. Plus the weather closing in makes this all a very engaging read. Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2025
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What a start to your novel, Barbara! I didn't feel this chapter was overlong at all and enjoyed the pace of events and the mystery surrounding Rebeka's condition (pregnant perhaps?) and her reluctance to accept accommodation from Dr Tyler. Plus the weather closing in makes this all a very engaging read. Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from jim vecchio
Glad to have been in at the beginning of this, but since my recent troubles, my vision has gone way downhill. Is it possible to embolden the print slightly? I am curious to see the relationship between the Doctor and Rebeka develop. A promising beginning.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Glad to have been in at the beginning of this, but since my recent troubles, my vision has gone way downhill. Is it possible to embolden the print slightly? I am curious to see the relationship between the Doctor and Rebeka develop. A promising beginning.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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I would love to make the printing larger. The only way I know to do it to copy and paste it into a word document and then enlarge it. You can delete it after you read it. Thank you for the wonderful review.
Comment from Jim Wile
Another promising start to another romance story with plenty of action to snare the reader. Seems like you've got some terrifically likable main characters introduced.
I wanted to comment on one thing in particular: the different ways to show internal thoughts of a character in a third person omniscient novel.
1) The way you have done it, by using quotation marks. Unless it was your intention to show Rebekah talking out loud to herself, these should really be reserved for dialog between characters. I've known a few people who talk to themselves, but this can be confusing in a novel, especially if that's the means of showing her internal thoughts when other characters may be present in the scene.
2) Italics can be used, as you did at the beginning of your previous novel, but these should really be used for short, direct thoughts, not entire sentences. Overuse of italics is visually distracting.
3) Direct attribution using frequent speech tags, like "she thought" or "she wondered." This, however, when overused, distances the reader from the character.
4) A more modern and cleaner approach is known as free indirect discourse. It's a way of seamlessly integrating the thoughts into the narrative and requires a minimum of speech tags or none.
Here's an example of how you could have written the following two paragraphs:
(Original)
"I need to take US Highway 84 north. It looks like I'll be going straight into the storm. It'll only rain. This is Texas, after all." Rebeka stared out the windshield before she pressed the ignition button, and then checked to make sure her purse and computer bag were safely in the passenger seat. She reached over and pulled the seatbelt through their handles. "Just being safe. I'll catch up on my writing at the hotel. Lubbock should have a nice one. I'm maybe two hours out."
An hour and a half later, Rebeka's knuckles whitened as she gripped the steering wheel. Moisture welled in her eyes. "How did I get off Highway 84? Where am I? I'm on a two-lane, country road and lost in the middle of nowhere." A loud clash of thunder caused her to stiffen. "Between the wind and the rain, I can't see the road. I'd better park until the rain slows. But where?"
(Revised)
Rebeka stared out the windshield before she pressed the ignition button, and then checked to make sure her purse and computer bag were safely in the passenger seat. She reached over and pulled the seatbelt through their handles. Just being safe, she thought. It looks like a storm is coming. I'll catch up on my writing at the hotel. Lubbock should have a nice one. I'm maybe two hours out.
An hour and a half later, Rebeka's knuckles whitened as she gripped the steering wheel. Moisture welled in her eyes. How did I get off Highway 84? Where am I? I'm on a two-lane, country road and lost in the middle of nowhere. A loud clash of thunder caused her to stiffen. Between the wind and the rain, I can't see the road. I'd better park until the rain slows. But where?
Try Googling "free indirect discourse" for a more complete discussion of this.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Another promising start to another romance story with plenty of action to snare the reader. Seems like you've got some terrifically likable main characters introduced.
I wanted to comment on one thing in particular: the different ways to show internal thoughts of a character in a third person omniscient novel.
1) The way you have done it, by using quotation marks. Unless it was your intention to show Rebekah talking out loud to herself, these should really be reserved for dialog between characters. I've known a few people who talk to themselves, but this can be confusing in a novel, especially if that's the means of showing her internal thoughts when other characters may be present in the scene.
2) Italics can be used, as you did at the beginning of your previous novel, but these should really be used for short, direct thoughts, not entire sentences. Overuse of italics is visually distracting.
3) Direct attribution using frequent speech tags, like "she thought" or "she wondered." This, however, when overused, distances the reader from the character.
4) A more modern and cleaner approach is known as free indirect discourse. It's a way of seamlessly integrating the thoughts into the narrative and requires a minimum of speech tags or none.
Here's an example of how you could have written the following two paragraphs:
(Original)
"I need to take US Highway 84 north. It looks like I'll be going straight into the storm. It'll only rain. This is Texas, after all." Rebeka stared out the windshield before she pressed the ignition button, and then checked to make sure her purse and computer bag were safely in the passenger seat. She reached over and pulled the seatbelt through their handles. "Just being safe. I'll catch up on my writing at the hotel. Lubbock should have a nice one. I'm maybe two hours out."
An hour and a half later, Rebeka's knuckles whitened as she gripped the steering wheel. Moisture welled in her eyes. "How did I get off Highway 84? Where am I? I'm on a two-lane, country road and lost in the middle of nowhere." A loud clash of thunder caused her to stiffen. "Between the wind and the rain, I can't see the road. I'd better park until the rain slows. But where?"
(Revised)
Rebeka stared out the windshield before she pressed the ignition button, and then checked to make sure her purse and computer bag were safely in the passenger seat. She reached over and pulled the seatbelt through their handles. Just being safe, she thought. It looks like a storm is coming. I'll catch up on my writing at the hotel. Lubbock should have a nice one. I'm maybe two hours out.
An hour and a half later, Rebeka's knuckles whitened as she gripped the steering wheel. Moisture welled in her eyes. How did I get off Highway 84? Where am I? I'm on a two-lane, country road and lost in the middle of nowhere. A loud clash of thunder caused her to stiffen. Between the wind and the rain, I can't see the road. I'd better park until the rain slows. But where?
Try Googling "free indirect discourse" for a more complete discussion of this.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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1) Yes, Rebeka is talking to herself. I talk to myself. The reason I don't write a lot of internal thought is because my publisher isn't fond of it. It' doesn't translate well to e-books.
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That's a perplexing statement. I don't really see what an e-book has to do with it. Perhaps what your editor doesn't like was the way you have been going about it--with italics and quotation marks.
This really is the modern trend, and it's not even that modern. Jane Austen used it in Pride and Prejudice, Virginia Woolf in Mrs. Dalloway, and James Joyce Dubliners. (I'm not that widely read, but these were three examples I read about.)
Please Google it and read up on it. I think it's really the way to go in third person omniscient novels to seamlessly integrate the characters' thoughts with the narrative.
You don't have to have a lot of internal thoughts if you don't want to, but when you do, free indirect discourse is the best way to do it.
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I only use italics not quotation marks; the italics says it all. It's works for me so far, so I'll stay with it.
Comment from Ulla
Well, Barbara, so we're on to a new novel already and it sounds really promising. I will be looking forward to what is going to happen. Rebeka might be old-fashioned but to me it sounds as if she's pregnant. We'll see, lol. Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Well, Barbara, so we're on to a new novel already and it sounds really promising. I will be looking forward to what is going to happen. Rebeka might be old-fashioned but to me it sounds as if she's pregnant. We'll see, lol. Ulla xcx
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the kind review. We'll find out in a few weeks.
Comment from patcelaw
This sounds like a very intriguing story that you're going to share with us. I enjoyed reading this first part of first chapter and I wish you the very best with the book. May you have a wonderful day and may God bless you. Patricia.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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This sounds like a very intriguing story that you're going to share with us. I enjoyed reading this first part of first chapter and I wish you the very best with the book. May you have a wonderful day and may God bless you. Patricia.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
It is nice to get into another of you novels. This one sounds as though it will be fun to read. You certainly do a lot of writing and all of it is interesting. I love that you keep it clean and free of bad language.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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It is nice to get into another of you novels. This one sounds as though it will be fun to read. You certainly do a lot of writing and all of it is interesting. I love that you keep it clean and free of bad language.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Barbara,
This is a great story. You have the heroine in quite the predicament. It appears she has no choice, but to stay with the good doctor.
This story is well organized and flows nicely.
Well done
Cecilia
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Barbara,
This is a great story. You have the heroine in quite the predicament. It appears she has no choice, but to stay with the good doctor.
This story is well organized and flows nicely.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome
Comment from Begin Again
It's another romance novel. You're good at them, me not so much. I assume Rebeka must be pregnant (the rubbing the stomach thing), but why would she be hiding or dodging her agent and her personal assistant? And then just text: "I am taking a vacation." If that doesn't send out alarms to either of them, nothing will. Also, I assume she's old-fashioned, but you were just in an accident, your car is totaled, you're pregnant, and it's storming.... would you really want to get back on the road again, and how?
Forgive me-my brain got carried away. It's your story, not mine, and I should sit back in the passenger seat and just enjoy it, which I will.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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It's another romance novel. You're good at them, me not so much. I assume Rebeka must be pregnant (the rubbing the stomach thing), but why would she be hiding or dodging her agent and her personal assistant? And then just text: "I am taking a vacation." If that doesn't send out alarms to either of them, nothing will. Also, I assume she's old-fashioned, but you were just in an accident, your car is totaled, you're pregnant, and it's storming.... would you really want to get back on the road again, and how?
Forgive me-my brain got carried away. It's your story, not mine, and I should sit back in the passenger seat and just enjoy it, which I will.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the kind review. We'll find out what's going on in a few weeks.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really enjoyed the start of your story! The way you set up the storm and Rebeka's situation was so well done. I could really feel the tension as she struggled with the storm and the car accident. Tyler's character also feels really solid right from the start. Your pacing is great. I'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship unfolds. Keep up the awesome work!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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I really enjoyed the start of your story! The way you set up the storm and Rebeka's situation was so well done. I could really feel the tension as she struggled with the storm and the car accident. Tyler's character also feels really solid right from the start. Your pacing is great. I'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship unfolds. Keep up the awesome work!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
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Thank you for the kind review.
