Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 78 "Life gives and takes"Musings of an old man - 2022
23 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
This is a nice example of a Kyrielle! The rhyme scheme is dependable and formatted nicely.
If I have one suggestion to offer - maybe not even for this poem if you don't want to - but it's a nugget to keep in your pocket for other pieces...
Rising troubles, like old boxcars,
become abandoned lifeless cars.
--> you really want to try to stay away from using the same word or root-word to rhyme. (Here- 'cars')
--> consider something else - stars/jars - or etc.
--> you could go for a near-rhyme like 'shards', maybe
Otherwise, I think you have a great entry for the contest -- good luck!
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Dear Mystery Writer,
This is a nice example of a Kyrielle! The rhyme scheme is dependable and formatted nicely.
If I have one suggestion to offer - maybe not even for this poem if you don't want to - but it's a nugget to keep in your pocket for other pieces...
Rising troubles, like old boxcars,
become abandoned lifeless cars.
--> you really want to try to stay away from using the same word or root-word to rhyme. (Here- 'cars')
--> consider something else - stars/jars - or etc.
--> you could go for a near-rhyme like 'shards', maybe
Otherwise, I think you have a great entry for the contest -- good luck!
Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
Yes, when I see people driving and speeding on the roads. I just hope they get to their destination safe. Time goes by quickly. It is best to take things slow. Hurrying can get you killed.
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reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
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Yes, when I see people driving and speeding on the roads. I just hope they get to their destination safe. Time goes by quickly. It is best to take things slow. Hurrying can get you killed.
.
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Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
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Carolyn, thanks for the review.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Douglas Goff
Very very very good! I tried this competition and just didn't have the poetry experience or patience to pull it off.
This is very nice and flows like a three year olds February nose in Michigan. Well done! Keep up the good work. You have a contender here.
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reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
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Very very very good! I tried this competition and just didn't have the poetry experience or patience to pull it off.
This is very nice and flows like a three year olds February nose in Michigan. Well done! Keep up the good work. You have a contender here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
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Douglas, thanks for the metaphor of the February nose. I will stay away from Michigan in February. 👍👍🤗🤗