Beth
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Beth, Scene 1"Hostage? Maybe. Scared? Slightly. Victim? Never!
29 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
This is a dynamo of characterization, Mike. More of a television script than a play, obviously. The final stage direction that reveals her manacled leg would be given away when the play opens. Though both characters are beautifully developed, we don't really know who Beth is. We know even less who Dennis is. (I thought at first he was her therapist, but that went to pot with the reveal at the end) I would love to see the full development of this, but I'd suggest putting it in the screenplay format. That way, you can do a lot more with direction, lighting, and camera action. It has a hell of a lot going for it, though.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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This is a dynamo of characterization, Mike. More of a television script than a play, obviously. The final stage direction that reveals her manacled leg would be given away when the play opens. Though both characters are beautifully developed, we don't really know who Beth is. We know even less who Dennis is. (I thought at first he was her therapist, but that went to pot with the reveal at the end) I would love to see the full development of this, but I'd suggest putting it in the screenplay format. That way, you can do a lot more with direction, lighting, and camera action. It has a hell of a lot going for it, though.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Jay. I did mean it as a screenplay, though I realise the lights up direction didn't help me there. I've fiddled with the opening a little to make it clearer. I hate doing the centred character names with left justified directions - even with the advanced editor, it's a massive pain in the bum. As it's the opening scene of something longer, my hope was to establish something of their interplay without giving away their situation, even with the closing hook :-)
Mike
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Well, I am really impressed, Mike. As to the centering and the left justification, I don't think you'll have that problem if you write it on Microsoft Word or its equivalent and paste in into the advanced editor. That's what I do with my plays. The only thing you lose is the paragraph spacing, but that's easy enough to add in. Anyway, I'll be looking forward to reading the other selections.
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Thanks Jay. I'll have another try. Last time I tried it (on a previous script), I lost all my justifications and indents, so had to recreate them.
Mike
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You might want to take a peek at Juidiverse's screenplay posted today. She does the best job of showing the procedural stuff.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Should going to the theatre be an experience where you have to concentrate really hard to work out the actual conditions underlying the drama? or should it be the drama itself that you focus on? I don't know the answer to this. It's just my starting point. I will reserve judgement and my 'vote' until I have seen all the contenders. Kate xx
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Should going to the theatre be an experience where you have to concentrate really hard to work out the actual conditions underlying the drama? or should it be the drama itself that you focus on? I don't know the answer to this. It's just my starting point. I will reserve judgement and my 'vote' until I have seen all the contenders. Kate xx
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Thanks Kate. I should probably say I see this as a screenplay rather than a stage play, allowing us to use visual reveals, though I also think the drama should always stand on its own :-).
Mike
Comment from karenina
First, a caveat~ I am hopelessly stilted when reading and evaluating scripts. That being said this is indeed a very dark subject matter. Nice job setting up what I assumed was some sort of a psychiatric encounter. Interestingly I was automatic to judge Beth as a very misguided and possibly mentally ill woman acting out. (Pause to explore my own inner bias, here)--
Great job flipping that over! She's manacled ~ a captive of Dennis, who now seems to be the madman here!
Script or not, you thoroughly got my attention and I'm left wondering just where this would go from here!
Beth a heroine? Doing what she can to stay one step ahead of a psychotic??? Was this some consensual (albeit out-there) sex play gone a step over the line?
A psychotic break in which none of this is truly happening... Perhaps!
This is so far afield, and I am left precariously unbalanced!
That's the best place for an author to place me...
Can't wait to read your others!
Karenina
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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First, a caveat~ I am hopelessly stilted when reading and evaluating scripts. That being said this is indeed a very dark subject matter. Nice job setting up what I assumed was some sort of a psychiatric encounter. Interestingly I was automatic to judge Beth as a very misguided and possibly mentally ill woman acting out. (Pause to explore my own inner bias, here)--
Great job flipping that over! She's manacled ~ a captive of Dennis, who now seems to be the madman here!
Script or not, you thoroughly got my attention and I'm left wondering just where this would go from here!
Beth a heroine? Doing what she can to stay one step ahead of a psychotic??? Was this some consensual (albeit out-there) sex play gone a step over the line?
A psychotic break in which none of this is truly happening... Perhaps!
This is so far afield, and I am left precariously unbalanced!
That's the best place for an author to place me...
Can't wait to read your others!
Karenina
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). Yes, definitely wanted it to feel like a psychiatrist appointment until we realise there's more going on! I have a few ideas or where this could go (after an initial set up, I generally let the characters lead for a while before settling on a full plot). I wanted her to be abrasive and a little untrustworthy, so glad that worked.
Mike
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Oh. It WORKED! (smile)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I was wondering what Beth was up to but at the ending I'm wondering more about what Dennis is up to. I have the feeling he's the evil one here. I enjoyed reading.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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I was wondering what Beth was up to but at the ending I'm wondering more about what Dennis is up to. I have the feeling he's the evil one here. I enjoyed reading.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). I was hoping to set her up as the apparent aggressor and then obviously flip things a bit at the end to make viewers come back after the ad break!
Mike
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I thought this was a psychiatrist's office and Beth was the patient.
This is what we are led to believe, right? And Dennis is the analyst probing into Beth's mind and soul at the same time. Whether it is truly Jesus or an analyst he was grilling her for her response.
Anyway, it was interesting and provocative and I loved every minute of it!
Thanks for the thrill!
Jesse
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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I thought this was a psychiatrist's office and Beth was the patient.
This is what we are led to believe, right? And Dennis is the analyst probing into Beth's mind and soul at the same time. Whether it is truly Jesus or an analyst he was grilling her for her response.
Anyway, it was interesting and provocative and I loved every minute of it!
Thanks for the thrill!
Jesse
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Jesse! Yes, exactly my intent - that we think we know what kind of scene we're watching, until the ending where we realise something else is going on.
So glad you liked it :-).
Mike
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Yes, Mike, you gave a fantastic twist to the plot!
Jesse
Comment from Terry Broxson
Mike, I like the twist at the end. It is a little dark, but going for that in a script is good. So, I guess I will wait to look at the others. It is a solid five, moving toward a six in my mind. Terry.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Mike, I like the twist at the end. It is a little dark, but going for that in a script is good. So, I guess I will wait to look at the others. It is a solid five, moving toward a six in my mind. Terry.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Terry :-). Realising I didn't make it clear this was mean to be a screenplay, which threw a couple of reviewers, so have tweaked. Really glad you liked it!
Mike
Comment from Beejay
This is quite intriguing, I'm not sure whose side I'm on...Reading through your work a couple of times, my interpretation of it seems to alter...that I'm sure is because it's the work of a talented writer.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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This is quite intriguing, I'm not sure whose side I'm on...Reading through your work a couple of times, my interpretation of it seems to alter...that I'm sure is because it's the work of a talented writer.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). My hope was to present Beth as the aggressor, but then flip it at the end so we realise she may be a victim.
Mike
Comment from jp88
This is interesting. First I thought it was a therapy session based on the interaction and their behaviour, but then the end with the manacle made me think that maybe it is more a Stockholm syndrome situation, with Dennis as the bad guy. Intriguing for sure.
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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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This is interesting. First I thought it was a therapy session based on the interaction and their behaviour, but then the end with the manacle made me think that maybe it is more a Stockholm syndrome situation, with Dennis as the bad guy. Intriguing for sure.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). Yes - that was certainly my intent.
Mike
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well done. Good writing.
I don't know who I want to win. The girl has issues, but not insurmountable, i wouldn't think.
The man, now that we know he has he captive, is obviously the more evil.
Does she finally figure out how to manipulate him, get his within reach to kill him? I can see it, but more psychology than I would attempt.
Best wishes.
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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Well done. Good writing.
I don't know who I want to win. The girl has issues, but not insurmountable, i wouldn't think.
The man, now that we know he has he captive, is obviously the more evil.
Does she finally figure out how to manipulate him, get his within reach to kill him? I can see it, but more psychology than I would attempt.
Best wishes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Thanks Wayne :-). I feel there are a few was I could take this from here, and they're all interesting!
Mike