Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Trouble Follows - part 4"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
13 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Another well written episode and very harrowing Deb, I love the love Jack and his mum have for Cody, that is what everyone needs to stand by their loved ones when they can't stand themselves, wonderful episode my friend, blessing, Roy
Typo He'll need to (be) restrained 2: I (dohny) have time for your crap
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Another well written episode and very harrowing Deb, I love the love Jack and his mum have for Cody, that is what everyone needs to stand by their loved ones when they can't stand themselves, wonderful episode my friend, blessing, Roy
Typo He'll need to (be) restrained 2: I (dohny) have time for your crap
Comment Written 08-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Sharp Eye! lol. Appreciate you finding these little nits and helping me get it all right. :)
I appreciate you more than you know. Don't let me stray fand go too far with this, okay? :)
Blessings,
Deb
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You're fine
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Sorry that this is a virtual six, Debs, I was totally in that room, in tears. When he called Momma, Momma, it broke my heart. The pain has to be like being cut up whilst alive and conscious. You're writing is excellent, my friend, you take us right to the edge, and when we think we'll fall off, you grab a sleave. Superb, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Sorry that this is a virtual six, Debs, I was totally in that room, in tears. When he called Momma, Momma, it broke my heart. The pain has to be like being cut up whilst alive and conscious. You're writing is excellent, my friend, you take us right to the edge, and when we think we'll fall off, you grab a sleave. Superb, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 08-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Sandra, your virtual six is just as good to me as the real thing. It means you feel that about the book, and that's what I'm aiming for. It will slow down a bit now for about a second, but will allow you to catch your breath. And I promise to keep catching your sleeve. :)
Blessings, my sweet friend!
Debs (My favorite niece, Ainsley, calls me 'Aunt Debs'. It tickled me to see you call me that, as well. I like it!)
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That is so strange, I have a gorgeous niece who as aunties call Debs. Glad you're happy with it, being one of my favourite writers on here. :))
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
What a great read! This is getting more and more interesting. The suspense keeps building up. Cody is a strong man. I hope he braves through this.
Lovely.
You may want to look at the following;
"Cody tried to smile, tried to focus on Jack as he thought of the over-bearing, obnoxious man from their past." Here ""trying" can replace the "tried following " to focus" "
"Cody looked up at him. "She can't do what she can't do, Jack," he whispered. "She's stuck." Here consider spacing the quotation marks appripriately
"He'll need to e restrained --" Here, you may want to correct "e" to "be".
"I odn't have time for your crap," Here, I think "don't" is the right replacement.
"Neil the neurolgist promised quietly." Here, a comma should come after both "Neil" and "neurologist".
My very best wishes!
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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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What a great read! This is getting more and more interesting. The suspense keeps building up. Cody is a strong man. I hope he braves through this.
Lovely.
You may want to look at the following;
"Cody tried to smile, tried to focus on Jack as he thought of the over-bearing, obnoxious man from their past." Here ""trying" can replace the "tried following " to focus" "
"Cody looked up at him. "She can't do what she can't do, Jack," he whispered. "She's stuck." Here consider spacing the quotation marks appripriately
"He'll need to e restrained --" Here, you may want to correct "e" to "be".
"I odn't have time for your crap," Here, I think "don't" is the right replacement.
"Neil the neurolgist promised quietly." Here, a comma should come after both "Neil" and "neurologist".
My very best wishes!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Thank you, my sharp-eyed friend! I have made some of the corrections and am considering a couple of the suggestions. Thank you for keeping me on my toes!
You're awesome.
Be blessed,
Deb