Dreams Come Alive
A nocturnal nonet.22 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
You finish really strong in this alluring write, LisaMay. The nonet is beautiful both in content and presentation. Astounding imagery in " bright galaxies will shimmer within me"
I must confess that I had some trouble with "dreams become real". Somehow it doesn't seem to fit with the thrust of your write. My personal opinion of course.
I'm going to suggest
"dreams come alive"
It's not quite the same as "become real". And there's more wiggle room in the poem because it's ambiguous.
Hope you'll think about it.
Whatever you decide, best of luck in the contest.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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You finish really strong in this alluring write, LisaMay. The nonet is beautiful both in content and presentation. Astounding imagery in " bright galaxies will shimmer within me"
I must confess that I had some trouble with "dreams become real". Somehow it doesn't seem to fit with the thrust of your write. My personal opinion of course.
I'm going to suggest
"dreams come alive"
It's not quite the same as "become real". And there's more wiggle room in the poem because it's ambiguous.
Hope you'll think about it.
Whatever you decide, best of luck in the contest.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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YES!! perfect... I had already changes it from 'real' to 'true', but the wiggle room is the perfect answer. Thank you for the gratefully accepted suggestion.
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You are so welcome. I think your nonet has a really great chance in the contest.
JJ
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Thank you - I do love an optimist!
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I know. We never see the value in our own writes. :-))
JJ
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image and
presentation, Lisa.
-A very good topic
and imagery, Lisa.
-The first line is very good,
and sets the tone for the
rest of the poem.
-I like the line about
the stars and the
alliteration in "plummeting planets."
-The ending lines are
very good, too, as you show
how the light of the galaxies
shines within you.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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-Very nice image and
presentation, Lisa.
-A very good topic
and imagery, Lisa.
-The first line is very good,
and sets the tone for the
rest of the poem.
-I like the line about
the stars and the
alliteration in "plummeting planets."
-The ending lines are
very good, too, as you show
how the light of the galaxies
shines within you.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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Thank you so much for pointing out 'real' having 2 syllables - not such a small thing when the syllable count is crucial!
I changed it to 'true'. Pesky English pronunciations! Each are 4 letter words, each have 2 vowels and 2 consonants, yet one is wrong and one is ok.
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You are very welcome, Lisa, and you have no idea how much your comments are appreciated. You are very right about the syllable count being crucial. You have the right attitude about it:)
I will send you a message about the words you mentioned.
Comment from Gail Denham
To swallow the stars and the galaxies and you will glow. Nice nonet - those are really fun - yours flowed very nicely, looking as if you painted it in place.
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To swallow the stars and the galaxies and you will glow. Nice nonet - those are really fun - yours flowed very nicely, looking as if you painted it in place.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a structurally sound Nonet Poem with correct line and syllable count throughout. The content is mesmerizing in its vivid imagery and soothing tone. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
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This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a structurally sound Nonet Poem with correct line and syllable count throughout. The content is mesmerizing in its vivid imagery and soothing tone. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Nonet about the dream that becomes true when we become part of the universe and the stars that become part of us.
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A very well-written Nonet about the dream that becomes true when we become part of the universe and the stars that become part of us.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Very nice nonet with fantasy-space oriented imagery. I like the 'p' alliteration in 'planets plummet.' I hear some 'w' alliteration when the reader gets to 'will' and 'within' going with short 'i' alliteration with 'shimmer.'
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Very nice nonet with fantasy-space oriented imagery. I like the 'p' alliteration in 'planets plummet.' I hear some 'w' alliteration when the reader gets to 'will' and 'within' going with short 'i' alliteration with 'shimmer.'
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
Comment from June Sargent
This is not only beautiful, but inspiring. To have galaxies shimmering within us is a lovely image! We might spend a lifetime chasing rainbows and trying to catch a falling star - when we have the entire universe within us. We just need to draw it out and shine!
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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This is not only beautiful, but inspiring. To have galaxies shimmering within us is a lovely image! We might spend a lifetime chasing rainbows and trying to catch a falling star - when we have the entire universe within us. We just need to draw it out and shine!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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You captured my intention perfectly. I truly appreciate your comments and high rating.
Comment from Patty Palmer
Very good!! I've fallen in love with the Nonet style. Now to figure out prose and free verse. There is a lady that teaches it. Anyway, I like this poem! And the picture goes well with it!
Great job!!
Patty
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Very good!! I've fallen in love with the Nonet style. Now to figure out prose and free verse. There is a lady that teaches it. Anyway, I like this poem! And the picture goes well with it!
Great job!!
Patty
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is a well written poem and a potentially successful contest entry. The words flow nicely and are not squeezed in to fit the format. The picture you chose is a nice complement.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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This is a well written poem and a potentially successful contest entry. The words flow nicely and are not squeezed in to fit the format. The picture you chose is a nice complement.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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Thanks for your supportive comments. I like your positivity!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Lovely nonet. This sounds like what those who have died and are brought back say Heaven is like.
bright galaxies
will shimmer
within
me
We become part of the universe and can go anywhere. Sounds pretty good. :)
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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Lovely nonet. This sounds like what those who have died and are brought back say Heaven is like.
bright galaxies
will shimmer
within
me
We become part of the universe and can go anywhere. Sounds pretty good. :)
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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Thanks for your lovely review, Phyllis! The universe is all around us and within us.
