Charlie's fence
Story about Charlie in rhyme38 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I like this. I wasn't so sure about a rhyming poem about an old cowboy, but this really worked very nicely. There were a few words that weren't used exactly right, but they fit with the pattern and their meaning was obvious. Nicely done.
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I like this. I wasn't so sure about a rhyming poem about an old cowboy, but this really worked very nicely. There were a few words that weren't used exactly right, but they fit with the pattern and their meaning was obvious. Nicely done.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2023
Comment from irishauthorme
Yes, if you were raised on a ranch in western Nevada, you knew a few like 'Old Charlie." To us kids, they were the 'real cowboys, tough as a keg of nails, full of wry humor, cowboy wisdom, and some great stories for us young'uns.
Most of them were busted up from rodeoing, or just years and years of hard work.
Looking back now, I remember that they were pretty savvy about human nature, too.
Good work.
irish
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Yes, if you were raised on a ranch in western Nevada, you knew a few like 'Old Charlie." To us kids, they were the 'real cowboys, tough as a keg of nails, full of wry humor, cowboy wisdom, and some great stories for us young'uns.
Most of them were busted up from rodeoing, or just years and years of hard work.
Looking back now, I remember that they were pretty savvy about human nature, too.
Good work.
irish
Comment Written 11-Jul-2023
Comment from zanya
What an enjoyable poetic read reminding the reader of a lifestyle now practically gone but fondly remembered -the reader shares the experience of the way of life.
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What an enjoyable poetic read reminding the reader of a lifestyle now practically gone but fondly remembered -the reader shares the experience of the way of life.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2023
Comment from Mia Twysted
This piece was so easy to read, and It pulled me in. I can see Charlie in his heyday and then many years later sitting on the fence watching the younger generation. We need heroes that is true.
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This piece was so easy to read, and It pulled me in. I can see Charlie in his heyday and then many years later sitting on the fence watching the younger generation. We need heroes that is true.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2023
Comment from LJbutterfly
You did a remarkable job describing Charlie, the old cowboy. You allowed the reader to decide whether the choices he made in his life were good or bad. The storyline is compelling and for the most part, easy to read.
I am not a poet, but I do have a suggestion for the next to the last verse. that will make it flow better. One sad day, we'll look around
And heroes like Charlie'l be gone.
We should erect a monument, in their honor
And carve their name in stone.
Drop "in their honor." It's an extra tag that throws the meter off. The meaning will still be the same. Just a thought, as a reader of poetry, not a writer of poetry. All in all, great story in a poem.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2023
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You did a remarkable job describing Charlie, the old cowboy. You allowed the reader to decide whether the choices he made in his life were good or bad. The storyline is compelling and for the most part, easy to read.
I am not a poet, but I do have a suggestion for the next to the last verse. that will make it flow better. One sad day, we'll look around
And heroes like Charlie'l be gone.
We should erect a monument, in their honor
And carve their name in stone.
Drop "in their honor." It's an extra tag that throws the meter off. The meaning will still be the same. Just a thought, as a reader of poetry, not a writer of poetry. All in all, great story in a poem.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2023
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Good suggestion a change made. Thanks. Willie
Comment from Liz O'Neill
A great example of juxtaposition with a simile:
But an endangered owl gets more attention
Than an old hero, when he's down." This cautionary tale reminds me of a poem I wrote about a tree begging people to not cut him down as she was looking ragged and old. Wow, so similar.
A good solution.
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A great example of juxtaposition with a simile:
But an endangered owl gets more attention
Than an old hero, when he's down." This cautionary tale reminds me of a poem I wrote about a tree begging people to not cut him down as she was looking ragged and old. Wow, so similar.
A good solution.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2023
Comment from Lisasview
Oh how I enjoyed reading about the cowboy named Charlie..So interesting and easy to read because of your use of rhymes.
My only thought is that you use FENCE twice ..line 2 and 6... perhaps another word would work better..
I know you used it at the bottom but that works... Just so close together..just dozen;t..but that is only food for thought.
Lisaview
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Oh how I enjoyed reading about the cowboy named Charlie..So interesting and easy to read because of your use of rhymes.
My only thought is that you use FENCE twice ..line 2 and 6... perhaps another word would work better..
I know you used it at the bottom but that works... Just so close together..just dozen;t..but that is only food for thought.
Lisaview
Comment Written 11-Jul-2023
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Sweet and wholesome, full of old-time pride and warmth. The meter gets a little tangled sometimes, but probably so does Charlie. Two little tiny spags to fix: (1) first line, second stanza: no apostrophe needed. It's plural, no possessive.
(2) Next-to-last stanza: you need one more 'L' in the contraction "Charlie'll" because it's shortening the word "will."
Enjoyable read, Willie. Thank you for this today.
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Sweet and wholesome, full of old-time pride and warmth. The meter gets a little tangled sometimes, but probably so does Charlie. Two little tiny spags to fix: (1) first line, second stanza: no apostrophe needed. It's plural, no possessive.
(2) Next-to-last stanza: you need one more 'L' in the contraction "Charlie'll" because it's shortening the word "will."
Enjoyable read, Willie. Thank you for this today.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2023
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent. I don't know poetry, but I know a good story when I see it. And I liked how your work flowed. It would make a great song. (Does that mean it has goo meter?) The rhyming is great, too.
Best wishes.
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Excellent. I don't know poetry, but I know a good story when I see it. And I liked how your work flowed. It would make a great song. (Does that mean it has goo meter?) The rhyming is great, too.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2023
Comment from Loretta Bigg
Very nice story about a man about to be forgotten. At the beginning you have a line "and so I though" which I think you want for it to rhyme, but it doesn't mean anything. What about "And that I know." Or you could right "and so I thought" and choose a word that rhymes above it with thought. It just seems a shame to leave it like that now since the rest of it is so perfectly rhymed as far as I could see. Thanks for telling me about Charlie.
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Very nice story about a man about to be forgotten. At the beginning you have a line "and so I though" which I think you want for it to rhyme, but it doesn't mean anything. What about "And that I know." Or you could right "and so I thought" and choose a word that rhymes above it with thought. It just seems a shame to leave it like that now since the rest of it is so perfectly rhymed as far as I could see. Thanks for telling me about Charlie.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2023
