This Time - That Time 3
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "What's Going On?"Third book in the time travel trilogy
28 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Veronica's sense of relief is palpable at the beginning here.
I returned to the kitchen and tried to stay calm as I filled the kettle and put it on the range - need closing speech marks here.
And James replies, "Oh, okay then. That makes perfect sense..."
Excellent instalment.
G
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Veronica's sense of relief is palpable at the beginning here.
I returned to the kitchen and tried to stay calm as I filled the kettle and put it on the range - need closing speech marks here.
And James replies, "Oh, okay then. That makes perfect sense..."
Excellent instalment.
G
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much, Gareth, for another lovely review , and for making my day! Big hugs, my dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from aryr
Sandra you created a wonderful level of suspense and mystery with this chapter. It was a great touch to have the 'powers to be' start the chapter, then bring Veronica into it. But poor Mildred is stuck in a different time and from the 'powers to be' conversation she may be stuck for some time. I enjoyed the creativity of the children making breakfast. Well done and very much enjoyed.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Sandra you created a wonderful level of suspense and mystery with this chapter. It was a great touch to have the 'powers to be' start the chapter, then bring Veronica into it. But poor Mildred is stuck in a different time and from the 'powers to be' conversation she may be stuck for some time. I enjoyed the creativity of the children making breakfast. Well done and very much enjoyed.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Aww, thank you, Alie! I'm so pleased you are still enjoying the story. Veronica has her hands full now. She has lots to sort out including finding out just where Mildred is! Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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You are most welcome Sandra, big hugs & smiles.
Comment from wordsfromsue
Oh shoot, I'm out of six stars, and this one definitely deserves a Big Six!
I love the tension as Veronica wonders where the heck Mildred is.
WHAT have the Powers That Be have in store for her? I'm guessing she helps the Allies to win the first world war, but how?
It's got to do with that toad of a husband Gladys had..... just now sure how.
Good chapter!!
PS Is Michael's egg 'chucky'? I thought you called it 'chooky' previously. But honestly, I can't remember now, for sure.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Oh shoot, I'm out of six stars, and this one definitely deserves a Big Six!
I love the tension as Veronica wonders where the heck Mildred is.
WHAT have the Powers That Be have in store for her? I'm guessing she helps the Allies to win the first world war, but how?
It's got to do with that toad of a husband Gladys had..... just now sure how.
Good chapter!!
PS Is Michael's egg 'chucky'? I thought you called it 'chooky' previously. But honestly, I can't remember now, for sure.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much, my wonderful friend. I did spell 'Chooky egg' wrong. Thanks for picking it up. How indeed? But that is the task Veronica has to sort out, if she can't.... We will see! Thanks dear. Big hugs. :)) Sandra xxx
ps. Your reviews are always 6 stars to me. :)) xxxxx
Comment from apky
I can understand Veronica being so anxious about Mildred trapped in the Second World War. What I didn't quite understand was the "commune" in 1996. Have I missed something in between reads? As far I know, there was no World War Two in 1996...
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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I can understand Veronica being so anxious about Mildred trapped in the Second World War. What I didn't quite understand was the "commune" in 1996. Have I missed something in between reads? As far I know, there was no World War Two in 1996...
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Hi Aki. you haven't missed a part, I've just checked. but, Mildred isn't trapped in WW2. There wasn't one in her parallel world. The Germans won the first world war so the 2nd one didn't happen. This is what Veronica has to sort out. She is back in her own world now, but unless she can put the time line right, the world that she knows, and you and I, will vanish. The commune is where elderly people are put if they don't have the means to support themselves once they retire. They work for their food and lodgings until they pass on. I hope this helps and jogs your memory, lol!! Thanks for reading my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from WryWriter
Wow, you leave a great cliff-hanger for the reader in this chapter! I'm already hooked on this story. I put some suggestions below for you to consider, but as always, the author knows what they want to say. Great job!
she waved a yellowed newspaper in my face before she sat down. (Ending is telling and taking action away from character) Maybe "...before sitting down."
Kraid shifted in his seat and nodded. (hard to shift in your seat and nod at the same time, and it takes emphasis away from his nervous twitching in the seat) maybe: Kraid nodded, then shifted in his seat. (Gives reader time to picture each action in their mind)
"The newspaper this Mildred's father had given her (omit and) which Mrs Humphries had kept safe (omit ,) will point her in the right direction." (Don't need the "and" or the comma as all part of the subject)
We can send her back in a while." (Did you mean "for a while" or as in sending her back soon?
Maybe it's because I came in late on this story, but I missed something here: Leif's question hung in the air, all eyes on Jowell.... (When did Leif asked the question?) (all eyes remained on Jowell)
My eyes flew open and I sat bolt upright, (Don't need both--how about: "and I bolted upright.")
his long, dark eyelashes (I know you could say long eyelashes or dark eyelashes but I would skip the comma here to make the sentence flow with the excitement going on)
Again as few words as possible to keep the momentum up and reader excitement: (omit- then, gently) I eased his discarded duvet back over him before I came away.
(Don't think this sentence is needed) I told him as I went over to her door.
I'd let the "felt" balance in this sentence: The love I (omit was feeling) (use felt) for my family was overwhelming, and I felt blessed in every way. OR: The love for my family was overwhelming and I felt blessed in every way.
I can't ignore any more (anymore)
Show the moment and let the reader have time to absorb it: For a moment I couldn't think where I was, and then it all came flooding back. (For a moment I couldn't think where I was...then it all came flooding back.)
Don't tell the relief--show it. The relief I felt when my fingers touched his skin was so incredible, my breath caught as if trapped in a bubble, and scared it would burst. (When my fingers touched his skin, my breath caught. I felt trapped in a bubble, scared it would burst.)
Keeping momentum up: (omit turned and) I watched for a moment (omit words that slow this down) as his chest rose and fell.... (Remember she's holding her breath) (omit and then) New sentence: I looked at....and the way
he stirred (omit slowly) and opened his eyes.
Too wordy: He reached out and pulled me into the crook of his arm before he held me against the warmth of his bare chest.
He reached out, pulled me into the crook of his arm, then nestled me against the warmth of his bare chest. (Keeping character doing the action instead of telling about it)
(Omit this comma) With his free hand, he tilted my chin
on the bed as well. Omit the "as well."
(Omit A moment later,) After not hearing a sound,
Build anticipation...sentences shorter
The curtains were (Omit still) closed( omit comma ,) as they (would - should?) be, because Mildred had just gone to bed before we were taken back to the First World War--but (omit she wasn't there.) where was Mildred? (Building anticipation and excitement) (Omit But she must be!) We always returned together after we time-travelled. (!)
(Omit and had my fears confirmed,)
(Use here: My fears confirmed, I returned to the kitchen and tried to stay calm as I filled the kettle and put it on the range)
What if she's still in the (omit other) parallel world
Make two sentences for emphasis: My stomach twisted into a painful, sickening knot,(.) (omit and) I leant(ed) over and gripped hold of the table.
"Veronica--what's up?" James rushed (omit over and pulled out) to pull out a chair for me (omit to sit on). "Is Mildred okay?"
(Make these one sentence) Eyes filling with tears, I shook my head(.) (omit before looking back at him with tear filled eyes.--Too telling) "No, she's ... Oh, James ... I think she's stranded in (omit a) time where we lost the First World War, and life as you and I know it doesn't exist...."
Another great reading experience! Keep it up! Enjoyed.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Wow, you leave a great cliff-hanger for the reader in this chapter! I'm already hooked on this story. I put some suggestions below for you to consider, but as always, the author knows what they want to say. Great job!
she waved a yellowed newspaper in my face before she sat down. (Ending is telling and taking action away from character) Maybe "...before sitting down."
Kraid shifted in his seat and nodded. (hard to shift in your seat and nod at the same time, and it takes emphasis away from his nervous twitching in the seat) maybe: Kraid nodded, then shifted in his seat. (Gives reader time to picture each action in their mind)
"The newspaper this Mildred's father had given her (omit and) which Mrs Humphries had kept safe (omit ,) will point her in the right direction." (Don't need the "and" or the comma as all part of the subject)
We can send her back in a while." (Did you mean "for a while" or as in sending her back soon?
Maybe it's because I came in late on this story, but I missed something here: Leif's question hung in the air, all eyes on Jowell.... (When did Leif asked the question?) (all eyes remained on Jowell)
My eyes flew open and I sat bolt upright, (Don't need both--how about: "and I bolted upright.")
his long, dark eyelashes (I know you could say long eyelashes or dark eyelashes but I would skip the comma here to make the sentence flow with the excitement going on)
Again as few words as possible to keep the momentum up and reader excitement: (omit- then, gently) I eased his discarded duvet back over him before I came away.
(Don't think this sentence is needed) I told him as I went over to her door.
I'd let the "felt" balance in this sentence: The love I (omit was feeling) (use felt) for my family was overwhelming, and I felt blessed in every way. OR: The love for my family was overwhelming and I felt blessed in every way.
I can't ignore any more (anymore)
Show the moment and let the reader have time to absorb it: For a moment I couldn't think where I was, and then it all came flooding back. (For a moment I couldn't think where I was...then it all came flooding back.)
Don't tell the relief--show it. The relief I felt when my fingers touched his skin was so incredible, my breath caught as if trapped in a bubble, and scared it would burst. (When my fingers touched his skin, my breath caught. I felt trapped in a bubble, scared it would burst.)
Keeping momentum up: (omit turned and) I watched for a moment (omit words that slow this down) as his chest rose and fell.... (Remember she's holding her breath) (omit and then) New sentence: I looked at....and the way
he stirred (omit slowly) and opened his eyes.
Too wordy: He reached out and pulled me into the crook of his arm before he held me against the warmth of his bare chest.
He reached out, pulled me into the crook of his arm, then nestled me against the warmth of his bare chest. (Keeping character doing the action instead of telling about it)
(Omit this comma) With his free hand, he tilted my chin
on the bed as well. Omit the "as well."
(Omit A moment later,) After not hearing a sound,
Build anticipation...sentences shorter
The curtains were (Omit still) closed( omit comma ,) as they (would - should?) be, because Mildred had just gone to bed before we were taken back to the First World War--but (omit she wasn't there.) where was Mildred? (Building anticipation and excitement) (Omit But she must be!) We always returned together after we time-travelled. (!)
(Omit and had my fears confirmed,)
(Use here: My fears confirmed, I returned to the kitchen and tried to stay calm as I filled the kettle and put it on the range)
What if she's still in the (omit other) parallel world
Make two sentences for emphasis: My stomach twisted into a painful, sickening knot,(.) (omit and) I leant(ed) over and gripped hold of the table.
"Veronica--what's up?" James rushed (omit over and pulled out) to pull out a chair for me (omit to sit on). "Is Mildred okay?"
(Make these one sentence) Eyes filling with tears, I shook my head(.) (omit before looking back at him with tear filled eyes.--Too telling) "No, she's ... Oh, James ... I think she's stranded in (omit a) time where we lost the First World War, and life as you and I know it doesn't exist...."
Another great reading experience! Keep it up! Enjoyed.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Hello! Thank you so much for this brilliant review. I'll go through them and make some changes. :)
A couple of things, i'm glad you brought up, as I can see they need clarifying better. The part where Jowell says they can send her back in a while....
I will go and make that clearer. They will be sending her back to her own time so she can be with her family for a while. and then they will send her back in time shortly afterwards. The rest I will copy and paste to my MS Word doc, and go through it properly. I'll only end up making loads of errors doing it his way/ :))
Oh, I've changed this sentence as well.
[ 'What about MIldred...?'
Leif's question hung in the air as they waited for Jowell to respond....]
I think that's it! LOL, thank you so much for your time reviewing and making your suggestions, that was so nice of you, Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra x
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Glad to be of some small help. You did all the hard work. LOL! :)
Comment from rama devi
Good plot twist with Mildred missing. I suggest not giving it away in the title of the chapter...so it come3s as a surprise to the reader just as it does to the characters. Good pacing, descriptive detail and dialog. A fine chapter with a phenomenal closing twist (if not given away by that title!
A few nits to note:
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Ann and Michael! I pushed away from his arms and ran to the bedroom door,(.) "The children, I must see the children!"
* I pulled it up again,(no ,) and dropped a kiss on her face.
* For a moment(,) I couldn't think where I was, and then it all came flooding back.
* I turned and watched for a moment as his chest rose and fell steadily;(,) and then looked at the little dimple in his beautiful chin.
*but before he could, the bedroom door was flung open(,) and Michael came charging towards the bed, Ann in hot pursuit.
Love and Light,
rd
PS Hope things are better for you these days, dear?
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Good plot twist with Mildred missing. I suggest not giving it away in the title of the chapter...so it come3s as a surprise to the reader just as it does to the characters. Good pacing, descriptive detail and dialog. A fine chapter with a phenomenal closing twist (if not given away by that title!
A few nits to note:
*
Ann and Michael! I pushed away from his arms and ran to the bedroom door,(.) "The children, I must see the children!"
* I pulled it up again,(no ,) and dropped a kiss on her face.
* For a moment(,) I couldn't think where I was, and then it all came flooding back.
* I turned and watched for a moment as his chest rose and fell steadily;(,) and then looked at the little dimple in his beautiful chin.
*but before he could, the bedroom door was flung open(,) and Michael came charging towards the bed, Ann in hot pursuit.
Love and Light,
rd
PS Hope things are better for you these days, dear?
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much, Rama, for another helpful review. I should have thought of that and put up a different title. I've changed it now. I do appreciate your reviews, my friend. Thank you. :)) Sandra xx
Funny you should ask how things are. I've never known such a year where everything that can go wrong, does. I'll be glad when this year is over. Hopefully, 2019 will be a bit better. I might write a short story on what's been going on in my life. :(( Thanks for asking, my friend. xx
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I've been sending you positive energies lately, sensing how you have had some struggles, dear. I hope things improve. Tons of Love, rd
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh dear. I guess Mildred wasn't allowed to come back with Veronica. I guess i'll just have to keep reading to see what happens. Great as always. Looking forward to the next chapter. Rox
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Oh dear. I guess Mildred wasn't allowed to come back with Veronica. I guess i'll just have to keep reading to see what happens. Great as always. Looking forward to the next chapter. Rox
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much, Rox, for reading this part and for the lovely review. Things aren't looking good for our girls at the moment. :( Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from rwilliam
"Oh, James, it's you! I was so scared when I thought I'd ever see you or the children again."--Did you mean 'never' see you again?
W-O-W! What an exciting chapter. I love how you write the relationship between Veronica and her husband and kids. It's to real and believable. I almost feel like I should look away when they are having their intimate moments So well written, my friend. BRAVO!!!
P.S. Unfortunately I'm al out of 6's. :( I'm so sorry . I hate not being able to give you that 6 bc you deserve it.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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"Oh, James, it's you! I was so scared when I thought I'd ever see you or the children again."--Did you mean 'never' see you again?
W-O-W! What an exciting chapter. I love how you write the relationship between Veronica and her husband and kids. It's to real and believable. I almost feel like I should look away when they are having their intimate moments So well written, my friend. BRAVO!!!
P.S. Unfortunately I'm al out of 6's. :( I'm so sorry . I hate not being able to give you that 6 bc you deserve it.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Your review is so important to me, Rebecca, and it's always 6 stars in my book. :)) Thank you so much my friend for this lovely review and for finding that error! Yes, it was supposed to be 'never' and I've added the 'n' now! lol.
Thank you for those lovely comments on how real Ver's relationship with her family comes across, that is so nice, and encouraging. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from l.raven
HI Sandra, What's going on???? really...you lost Mildred...I'm glad the powers brought Veronica back...but they need to keep them together...after all that was the reason for bringing Mildred in...to help Veronica...and now the family needs breakfast...and she's nowhere to be found...sigh...what to do...what to do....not getting the Gladys part...not unless they are all related...now stop typing...and call 911...I'll be listening for the missing person alert on my phone...so glad Veronica got back to James...and the kiddies....that would have been pretty scary if she was stuck where Mildred is...where I think she is????...another awesome chapter...but of course I love them all my sweetest, wonderful friend...I love your story told....and very well written...love you all the way to the sky...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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HI Sandra, What's going on???? really...you lost Mildred...I'm glad the powers brought Veronica back...but they need to keep them together...after all that was the reason for bringing Mildred in...to help Veronica...and now the family needs breakfast...and she's nowhere to be found...sigh...what to do...what to do....not getting the Gladys part...not unless they are all related...now stop typing...and call 911...I'll be listening for the missing person alert on my phone...so glad Veronica got back to James...and the kiddies....that would have been pretty scary if she was stuck where Mildred is...where I think she is????...another awesome chapter...but of course I love them all my sweetest, wonderful friend...I love your story told....and very well written...love you all the way to the sky...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 06-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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I know how you feel, Linda, I'm really cross with the Powers that be. They could let me know these things first! Where on earth is Mildred? I haven't the foggiest idea! LOL :)) Thank you so much, my dear friend, I love your review. You're always so cheerful and put a huge smile on my face. Are you ready for Christmas? Are you going away ... perhaps to stay with Noah? :)) Biggest hugs, and loads of love back to you! (and Noah) xxxxx :0) xxx
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Hi you wonderful breath of fresh air...so your really cross with Graham...hmmmm...Oh!!!!...you said the powers to be...not the power to be...LOL...maybe you could consult with Dozer where Mildred could be...LOL...their all out there floating around...Eric might even know...your so welcome my sweetest friend...I have a few more people to get for...and then I am done buying for Christmas...I know my daughter and her family would love if I came back...and my mother would jump for joy...but I am staying put for awhile...I have a lot I need to do...and my friend John is having his surgery for lung cancer on the 11th...he has so much to be angry for Sandra...but he is a lot Like Ian...he still smiles and tries to make the best of life...he is a double amputee...and has a heart condition...and now lung cancer...the other day he thought some one had overpriced him on something...I told him it would be ok...please not to worry...and instead of being charged $2000.00...it was only $230.00...he thanked God everything was ok...I'm so glad he still walks close with Him...he's a sweet guy...and my heart goes out to him...when he comes home they said he will have tubes sticking out his chest...so I am going to help him...I know nothing about it...but I can learn...He might want to stand even closer to God...LOL...not sure how he will be on Christmas...but I'll do all I can...he's lost about 50 pounds in three months...maybe I'll make a turkey...minus the (sominella???)...it seems to be in turkey and beef here now...we'll see how he feels...biggerest hugs back at you....and soooo much love to you...you make me smile...what a wonderful Christmas gift you give me...xxoo Linda
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Sandra,
I can see that you like to leave us is suspense if Mildred desire to stay with her family or the
The 'powers of Jowell, Kraid, Leif and Petro are now have taken control where Mildred should be.
Sandra, question what kind of powers does this group have? Gert
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Hello Sandra,
I can see that you like to leave us is suspense if Mildred desire to stay with her family or the
The 'powers of Jowell, Kraid, Leif and Petro are now have taken control where Mildred should be.
Sandra, question what kind of powers does this group have? Gert
Comment Written 06-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Hello Gert, thank you so much for another lovely review.
The 'Powers' is the name that Veronica gave these beings because she didn't know how she was being sent back in time or who was controlling these things. The Powers are a group of ageless beings who watch over Earth's time lines for any inconsistencies that could interfere with the natural flow of progress. Veronica has to put it right, and sometimes, if she has problems, they drop clues to lead her in the right direction. ( I hope that explains it! LOL, it's not easy to put into words.) Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
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Thank you Sandra for explaing so well of who the Powers are. Gert