Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Another great chapter with outstanding characterization, dialog, pacing, plot twists, POV and descriptive detail.

I like the added tension of her having to explain she's not dead to the ghosts!

A few things to tweak and polish...notes below:



*
I smiled when I heard the intermittent laughter coming from her and the children.

Coming is a weak choice. Why not use a stronger descriptive word? Bubbling...emanating, etc.


*slightly wordy and run on (plus passive voicing):
I was interrupted when Cecil floated through the ward doors and ran his eyes up and down my scantily clad body before he gave me another lecherous grin. "Gonna givus a quick flash, then?"

Idea:

Cecil floating through the ward doors interrupted me. He ran his eyes up and down my scantily clad body before he gave me another lecherous grin. "Gonna givus a quick flash, then?"


*
"I can't explain anything with this nonsense going on. Is there some place we can go where we won't be interrupted by a sex pest ghost?" I said as I threw another furious glare in Cecil's direction.

You don't need the speech tag. the action tag suffices:

"I can't explain anything with this nonsense going on. Is there some place we can go where we won't be interrupted by a sex pest ghost?" I threw another furious glare in Cecil's direction.


*same thing here:

"I won't be a moment," I added, and without waiting for a reaction, I marched quickly over to Mildred and stood at her side so she could hear me.

Suggest:

"I won't be a moment." Without waiting for a reaction, I marched quickly over to Mildred and stood at her side so she could hear me.



*Believe it or not, I came across Gladys," I continued as I turned to point her out.
Believe it or not, I came across Gladys." I turned to point her out.

*

"No," I replied with a shake of my head.
"No." I shook my head.


* She bent over and gave Edie a kiss on her cheek, and turned to Jimmy, who ducked.

Remove first AND and replace with comma:

She bent over, gave Edie a kiss on her cheek, and turned to Jimmy, who ducked.


* She looked just the same today as she did when she (had) materialised beside me at her graveside.

*
"Not really," she replied with a shake of her head.
"Not really." She shook her her head.


Great closing hook!


Love,
rd

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018

Thank you so very much, Rama, for again taking the time to help me. I've made the corrections. I really appreciate all you do, my friend. Thank you!! :)) Sandra xxx

reply by rama devi on 15-Nov-2018

Thanks, dear Sandra. I appreciate your gracious response. xxoo
rd

Comment from sandragee

Excellent

A mother's love trumps revenge. Gladys will not expose Charles for murdering her, even though she has evidence to prove it. She also hasn't told her friend how he killed her, but that's a mystery Veronica will have to wait to find out. She has just time-travelled to a place and it's not the place of her last departure.
Very exciting. I can't wait for the next installment.

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018

Thank you so very much, Sandragee, for this lovely review. I'm delighted you are enjoying this and I do appreciate your support, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Sandra,

Wow. This was an intense chapter, and I could only imagine how confused Gladys might be. When the characters returned to her home, we were given some interesting information, and I can't wait to see how that turns out.

Looking forward to more,

~MP~

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018

Thank you, Patty. I'm glad you enjoyed this part, can't say much more, or I'll give the plot away! lol! Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from JDRBAR

Exceptional

This is an exceptionally well written chapter. The best I've read so far, and that's saying a lot. It immediately draws you in, is extremely realistic putting the reader in the middle of the action and conversations. The wording is perfect throughout.

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018

Goodness! Thank you so much for this fabulous review, Diane! Your comments have made my day!! Thanks and a big hug for the 6 stars too, my friend, I'm really pleased you enjoyed this part. Biggest hugs!!! :) Sandra xxx

Comment from pbomar1115

Excellent

Veronica had to hurdle an issue about Mildred. It appealed to me why Mildred emerged as important. After learning she'd been murdered by her husband, her reluctance of bitterness surprised me more, and yet it was plausible.

Phillip

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018

I think I'd be very bitter if my husband had cut me off in my prime, but she is right to think of her son. Thank you so much for reading this part, Phillip, I really appreciate your comments. :) Sandra xxx

reply by pbomar1115 on 14-Nov-2018

Good story, Sandra.

Phillip

Comment from l.raven

Exceptional

HI Sandra, sure Veronica is dressed like a model in a Victoria Secret magazine....and wondering why Cecil is drooling at the month...Hmmmmmmm...so she never really got to get into it with Gladys...and I understand about her son...but she can't let him get away with killing her...and why would Veronica be back home in an earlier time???...and where is James???..and the chillins???...(holding my head)....I'm sooooo confused...LOL...by the way...how old is Cecil???...just asking...ya know I love your story my wonderful sweet friend...and soooooo love you too sweet girl...smiling big...Linda xxoo

how is Ian doing???...so hi for me...and lots of hugs...xxoo love

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018

Don't worry, Linda, all is in hand!! Oh, Cecil is your age, LOL!!! He's drooling because the female ghosts in that hospital who were killed at night, have thick, neck to ankle nighties on, and Veronica's is a tad more modern.... :)) Now, just take your head out of your hands, lot's will come out in the next part. Not telling you what, though! lol. Thank you, my sweet friend, for the array of golden stars, and another of your funny, but lovely reviews. Big hugs, and loads of love!! Don't forget to give a big hug to Noah, another chapter coming up on Friday. I think he'll like this one. :)) xxxxxx Sandra xxx

reply by l.raven on 14-Nov-2018

LMBO...if Veronica's is like the nighties of today...she has a few pieces of lettuce on ...and a shawl about the size of a napkin...come to bed with a bottle of Ranch dressing...and you have dinner...and a romantic evening...and no wash to be done...

sounds like a date...LOL...in 30 years...LOL...flannel nights though...

your so welcome sweet girl...and you sooooo earn the stars...biggerest hugs...and lots of love...I will hug Noah for you when he gets out of the shower...big smiles back at you...Linda xxoo

Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

Your explanations of Glady's character and reason for being in the story are solid and meld well with the other characters... The dialogue development is good and you keep the tension high when she returns to the old cottage with no James. Well done and all the best.

Melissa

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018

Thank you so much, Melissa, for this lovely review. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying the story. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

My goodness she seems to be stuck in what ever quantum leap seems fit for her to be in. I for one would be tired of being flitted from one place to another.

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018

Thank you for your thoughtful review, CRW. No, time-travel isn't for everyone, lol. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from rwilliam

Excellent

OH WOW. That ending... a new twist. I love/hate it. :-)

Very good chapter. I liked the humor you put in there with Mildred. She's my kind of people. HAHA

I look forward to reading on..

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018

Thank you so much, Rebecca, for your lovely review. Big changes ahead. :)) Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from Ulla

Exceptional

Hi Sandra, I love this chapter in your story. It's amazing that Mildred is hardly any older than Veronica. And then there's you naughty ghost. I love him. Makes such a wee twist to the story. A big hug. Ulla xxx

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2018

Thank you so much for the 6 stars, my friend and the lovely review. I'm glad you like Cecil, lol!! He's such a naughty ghost. :)) Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx