This Time - That Time 3
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Oh, Lordy, RUN...."Third book in the time travel trilogy
36 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
It is very difficult to write about Time Travel. There are so many do's and don'ts to it.
From my point of view, this is very well written with a smooth flow of words. There is fairly good imagery.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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It is very difficult to write about Time Travel. There are so many do's and don'ts to it.
From my point of view, this is very well written with a smooth flow of words. There is fairly good imagery.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much, Charlie. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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You're welcome,
Comment from Zue65
Oh my, you are killing your readers with too much suspense. I really enjoyed the adventures and misadventures of Veronica and Mildred as they flit from one time zone to another. Thanks for sharing your writing gift to the readers.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Oh my, you are killing your readers with too much suspense. I really enjoyed the adventures and misadventures of Veronica and Mildred as they flit from one time zone to another. Thanks for sharing your writing gift to the readers.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much, Susan. I'm really pleased you enjoyed this part. They will find out what they have been sent back in time for very shortly. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from giraffmang
Good chapter,
It's handy thing to be able to break up the narrative with the jumps back to the present and ordinary life.
The end sequence is very well-written and a great stopping off point.
Her confidence in our son sent us home with big, beeming smiles. - beaming?"I thought you'd never ask." I lifted an eyebrow with what I hoped was a seductive smile. - might be a good idea to consider some kind of a breaking symbol here such as a centre# to delineate he change.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Good chapter,
It's handy thing to be able to break up the narrative with the jumps back to the present and ordinary life.
The end sequence is very well-written and a great stopping off point.
Her confidence in our son sent us home with big, beeming smiles. - beaming?"I thought you'd never ask." I lifted an eyebrow with what I hoped was a seductive smile. - might be a good idea to consider some kind of a breaking symbol here such as a centre# to delineate he change.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Thank you so very much, Gareth, I'm over the moon that you enjoyed that part. The six stars mean such a lot knowing how strict you are on handing them out. You've totally made my day, thank you! I've corrected that stupid spelling mistake and added three ### to separate the change of time and era. Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ben Colder
I think women's suffrages here in the U.S. may have put some women in jail but not sure. They did place the desire to vote and was accepted later. Now we have them in our leadership rolls. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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I think women's suffrages here in the U.S. may have put some women in jail but not sure. They did place the desire to vote and was accepted later. Now we have them in our leadership rolls. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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It has really turned the tables, hasn't it, Chuck? I wonder what the suffragettes would think of your Hilary Clinton, and our late Margaret Thatcher, and now, Theresa May! If only we could see into the future, what would be happening in a few hundred years time. World peace? I would like to think so. Thank you so much, my dear friend for the 6 stars. Big hugs, and lots of love, my friend. :) Sandy. xxx
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Sandra,
Way to set up the tension!! I love how the story is unfolding, but I'm very upset that you stopped where you did. What on earth has caused all this destruction?
Looking forward to the next part,
~MP~
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Hi, Sandra,
Way to set up the tension!! I love how the story is unfolding, but I'm very upset that you stopped where you did. What on earth has caused all this destruction?
Looking forward to the next part,
~MP~
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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When I was reading your last part of Joshua, of how it could possibly go should God send His son again, I thought how similar that story is to what this one will be. Although not a religious one, far from it. But you will see later what I mean. Thank you so much for reading this part, Patty, you will get some answers in the next part. Well, at least one, or perhaps two answers. Hmm, perhaps three.... LOL Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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Hmmm - 3 answers in one part - Wow!
Comment from rama devi
WOW! what a riveting closing scene and closing hook too. Bravo. The usual pluses are here: great pacing, great characterization, great dialog (true to life and characterization and enhancing both), great sentence mechanics, excellent descriptive detail. An exciting chapter. Knowing you'll fix spag nits and consider other trimming suggestions, six stars in advance.
NOTES
*
A sudden raucous laugh escaped Petro's mouth,(no ,) as he rocked back on his chair.
* '(")Had he murdered his wife, Lady Ann, by then?"
*
Jowell pondered the question.
telling not showing. You could do both, like:
Jowell pondered the question with knit brows.
*
They all turned to Jowell(,) who was usually well advised as to what was going on.
* Once they discover what happened between those times,(no ,) and how this assignment came about--well, let's see how they proceed from there."
1996 - MY YEAR OF BIRTH!
* I couldn't help but laugh,(No ,) as well.
*
Ann also loved school,(no ,) and excelled as much as Michael.
*"I told them I were Lady Edith Humphries(,) and I lived in the Manor House in Truro with my son, Sir John.
* Once Mildred had gone off to bed, James put his arm around me(,) and I cuddled up to him on the sofa. "
*I worry enough about you on your time(-)travelling trips as it is. I just wish Mildred had the same protection. But,(no ,) I can see the logic in the power's way of doing things."
*
"I thought you'd never ask," I said, lifting an eyebrow with what I hoped was a seductive smile.
Speech tag not needed. Action tag suffices:
"I thought you'd never ask." I lifted an eyebrow with what I hoped was a seductive smile.
*
The fear I heard in my voice was raw and intense as I stood there rooted to the spot and watched the scene unfolding around me.
trim I HEARD (the reader knows she heard it if it is her own voice!)
The fear in my voice was raw and intense
Great chapter!
I was right there.
Love,
rd
PS love the title!
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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WOW! what a riveting closing scene and closing hook too. Bravo. The usual pluses are here: great pacing, great characterization, great dialog (true to life and characterization and enhancing both), great sentence mechanics, excellent descriptive detail. An exciting chapter. Knowing you'll fix spag nits and consider other trimming suggestions, six stars in advance.
NOTES
*
A sudden raucous laugh escaped Petro's mouth,(no ,) as he rocked back on his chair.
* '(")Had he murdered his wife, Lady Ann, by then?"
*
Jowell pondered the question.
telling not showing. You could do both, like:
Jowell pondered the question with knit brows.
*
They all turned to Jowell(,) who was usually well advised as to what was going on.
* Once they discover what happened between those times,(no ,) and how this assignment came about--well, let's see how they proceed from there."
1996 - MY YEAR OF BIRTH!
* I couldn't help but laugh,(No ,) as well.
*
Ann also loved school,(no ,) and excelled as much as Michael.
*"I told them I were Lady Edith Humphries(,) and I lived in the Manor House in Truro with my son, Sir John.
* Once Mildred had gone off to bed, James put his arm around me(,) and I cuddled up to him on the sofa. "
*I worry enough about you on your time(-)travelling trips as it is. I just wish Mildred had the same protection. But,(no ,) I can see the logic in the power's way of doing things."
*
"I thought you'd never ask," I said, lifting an eyebrow with what I hoped was a seductive smile.
Speech tag not needed. Action tag suffices:
"I thought you'd never ask." I lifted an eyebrow with what I hoped was a seductive smile.
*
The fear I heard in my voice was raw and intense as I stood there rooted to the spot and watched the scene unfolding around me.
trim I HEARD (the reader knows she heard it if it is her own voice!)
The fear in my voice was raw and intense
Great chapter!
I was right there.
Love,
rd
PS love the title!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Thank you so very much for the 6 stars, Rama!! I was thrilled to see you thought it good enough. That meant so much to me. I have, of course, made all the corrections, and thank you profusely for the help. I'm delighted you enjoyed this chapter, you've made my day. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
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Yay! :-)))))) Big hugs, rd
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I would have nominated you again, but they wouldn't let me! :((
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Thanks, dear! :-)))) xxoo
Comment from l.raven
HI Sandra, I think you are word perfect...but you left out a lot of them...you can't be stopping here...OMG...we have talked about this before...are you having some memory loss sweet girl???...LOL...and not only did Mildred's jaw drop...OK...picture it...so did mine...she didn't stop typing...right...???...OK...hint...where are they...and what did they see???...well at least they came home for a minute...LOL...but still I don't know why they are...or where they are...LOL...if their about to get step on by Godzilla...brilliant my sweet friend...I love it...so very well written...love you so muches...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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HI Sandra, I think you are word perfect...but you left out a lot of them...you can't be stopping here...OMG...we have talked about this before...are you having some memory loss sweet girl???...LOL...and not only did Mildred's jaw drop...OK...picture it...so did mine...she didn't stop typing...right...???...OK...hint...where are they...and what did they see???...well at least they came home for a minute...LOL...but still I don't know why they are...or where they are...LOL...if their about to get step on by Godzilla...brilliant my sweet friend...I love it...so very well written...love you so muches...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 24-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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LOL!!! Linda, you are so funny! The next part won't be long. I'm working hard!! LOL. I almost brought Drozig in to liven them up!! LOL. Godzilla sounds good!! Hmmm. Thank you so much for the six stars, you lovely lady, and for another wonderful review that had me laughing so much I was crying!! LOL! Big hugs, my friend and lots of love for you and Noah. :)) Sandra xxxxx
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you are so welcome sweet girl...but where is my hint???....LOL....just make sure Eric and his bike come with him...oh would this be a story...Mildred and Veronica flying through space with a bunch of Dinosaurs/giant men...LOL...well!!!!...they can always use help....love you my sweet friend...lotssss...smiling back at you...xxoo
Comment from Honey Bee Jean
Beautifully written! I appreciated the chronology. It was easy to pick up and start reading. You do a great job of imagery here as well. Best of luck to you in all of your endeavors and happy writing!
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Beautifully written! I appreciated the chronology. It was easy to pick up and start reading. You do a great job of imagery here as well. Best of luck to you in all of your endeavors and happy writing!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Hi Jean, Welcome to Fanstory! You will love it here. Thank you so much for this lovely review, it's nice to know you managed to jump in easily. I hope you join their journey back in time next week as well. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh my. What is happening? Bombings? Guess I'll have to wait to find out. Well done as always. Are they both invisible now? I saw no errors and look forward to the next chapter. Rox
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Oh my. What is happening? Bombings? Guess I'll have to wait to find out. Well done as always. Are they both invisible now? I saw no errors and look forward to the next chapter. Rox
Comment Written 24-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much, Rox. Yes, you'll learn loads (hopefully) in the next part. No, only Veronica is invisible, Mildred needs to be able to touch as you will soon see why. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from apky
Thank you for letting me enjoy another helping of Mildred and her delightful accent and Veronica and her - literally - ups and downs. Your story is the first time travel story I ever read in my life, and as you can see, I'm hooked!
Warmest regards,
Aki
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Thank you for letting me enjoy another helping of Mildred and her delightful accent and Veronica and her - literally - ups and downs. Your story is the first time travel story I ever read in my life, and as you can see, I'm hooked!
Warmest regards,
Aki
Comment Written 24-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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I'm glad you are, thank you so much, my friend, for this lovely review. I do appreciate you a lot. Warm hugs, :)) Sandra xxx