Forget Me Not
A Crown of Heroic Sonnets for the contest55 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
Not your typical theme for a sonnet, and this is quite difficult a subject to cement emotion around so it gets very technical, as well to concentrate on the exceptional wording rather than the emotional feel. Yet, you commanded a good control, for it is always going to be difficult in keeping focus with length, if emotion is not rich in story...rather than rich in content, but on reading through saw what a lot of work and good timing you put into this.
Work of this nature, as long as long as there is a beginning middle and end, as to the most writings, must be deserved of a six star, in my point of view.
Great wording, and good longevity,considering the subject matter.
Bravo.
Good luck in the competition.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Not your typical theme for a sonnet, and this is quite difficult a subject to cement emotion around so it gets very technical, as well to concentrate on the exceptional wording rather than the emotional feel. Yet, you commanded a good control, for it is always going to be difficult in keeping focus with length, if emotion is not rich in story...rather than rich in content, but on reading through saw what a lot of work and good timing you put into this.
Work of this nature, as long as long as there is a beginning middle and end, as to the most writings, must be deserved of a six star, in my point of view.
Great wording, and good longevity,considering the subject matter.
Bravo.
Good luck in the competition.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 22-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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I always appreciate your reviews, RG, and value your comments. Thanks, too, in this case for the six stars. Much appreciated.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Tony, this is most impressive - you must have worked long and hard on this.
I particularly enjoyed the last stanza:
When life is on the ebb and thoughts are blue,
and rheumy eyes detect a blur of Heaven,
I'll contemplate these years of richer hue,
forgetting not the smaller gifts we're given.
Your words, and both rhythm and rhyme flow perfectly throughout....
A great entry for the contest - good luck to you, my friend.
This precious life's on loan, and when it's done,
roots curl around the moisture of cold stone. - your words ring so true - life is on loan and how it flies.
Margaret
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Tony, this is most impressive - you must have worked long and hard on this.
I particularly enjoyed the last stanza:
When life is on the ebb and thoughts are blue,
and rheumy eyes detect a blur of Heaven,
I'll contemplate these years of richer hue,
forgetting not the smaller gifts we're given.
Your words, and both rhythm and rhyme flow perfectly throughout....
A great entry for the contest - good luck to you, my friend.
This precious life's on loan, and when it's done,
roots curl around the moisture of cold stone. - your words ring so true - life is on loan and how it flies.
Margaret
Comment Written 22-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Very many thanks both for your review and for the award of six stars, Margaret. Delighted that you enjoyed this and that it held your interest. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from krys123
Cheers Tony;
-You have undertaken a great task By writing these Heroic sonnets And in doing so you talk about living life in 6 different ways from flowers to houses and porches to even a veranda. In your 7 Heroic sonnet You somewhat summarize your collection of life in a total metaphorical way as you do the other 6 using metaphor of building a house in relationship to one's life.
-In sonnet one you talk about forget-me-nots to grow up to the cracks of rocks and stone and the tenacity of these flowers show the gift of life and how great it is that one is born against all odds that survive even to going to the hardships of life.
-In Sonnet number 2 you also reflect that using stone and concrete and rock to build a house that is firm and strong supports life for its battle against up and coming odds.
-In sonnet number 3 I felt that the enjambment was skewed whereas you talked about a golfers life, which was a great metaphor, That spoke of the beauty newness of life that is seen through playing golf as the morning sunrise is seen. Then you go on and talk about the rest and infested the house and that had lost me. Elsewise, I felt that That you were trying to talk about a man's life living in this house, I think. Enjambment a little bit skewed.
-In sonnet four You talk about a chest of toys of once being young and having them and then you talk about a porch built of timber made from ships and I can see the connection of utilizing things that are old to renew one's life. And by taking apart the porch And then you have learned to know how to rebuild it which is a lesson one must learn. I can see the youth, and the middle-age understanding of life and the lessons that we learn.
-I love the imagery and the sonnet number 5 what you use cacophony as the rain is tumbling down on a tin roof And yet I really understood the fact that you talk about the joints giving new life to a house that's dovetailed which is a strong connection of how one's growing up needs to be strong and sturdy.
-In your sonnet number 6 You talk about old age and the readiness to die and so sick that a nurse would put you out to pasture but outside where you could watch even a mare giving birth to a foal As a rebirth or renewal of life even though one is leaving. And yet you talk about a building again were to Chairs were put on a veranda one filled with life and one filled with fear Of death. Very interesting concept.
-And Sonnet number 7 it is like the summation of all the other 6 Sonnets But especially you talk about even though your life is ending You will not forget the simple Things in life that were given to you And that you cherish dearly.
-I found the totality of your collection very well appropriated and composed with a common denominator that life is built on a strong relationships and with strong conviction. And that the foundation of everyone's life is with relationships with others in the embodiment of a strong core.
-I really enjoyed reading your collection and I wish you all the luck in the contest as you are a really good writer Tony and take care and have a good one especially with all those that you love and care for.
Alex
PS: excellent use of imagery, alliteration and proper use of iambic pentameter.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Cheers Tony;
-You have undertaken a great task By writing these Heroic sonnets And in doing so you talk about living life in 6 different ways from flowers to houses and porches to even a veranda. In your 7 Heroic sonnet You somewhat summarize your collection of life in a total metaphorical way as you do the other 6 using metaphor of building a house in relationship to one's life.
-In sonnet one you talk about forget-me-nots to grow up to the cracks of rocks and stone and the tenacity of these flowers show the gift of life and how great it is that one is born against all odds that survive even to going to the hardships of life.
-In Sonnet number 2 you also reflect that using stone and concrete and rock to build a house that is firm and strong supports life for its battle against up and coming odds.
-In sonnet number 3 I felt that the enjambment was skewed whereas you talked about a golfers life, which was a great metaphor, That spoke of the beauty newness of life that is seen through playing golf as the morning sunrise is seen. Then you go on and talk about the rest and infested the house and that had lost me. Elsewise, I felt that That you were trying to talk about a man's life living in this house, I think. Enjambment a little bit skewed.
-In sonnet four You talk about a chest of toys of once being young and having them and then you talk about a porch built of timber made from ships and I can see the connection of utilizing things that are old to renew one's life. And by taking apart the porch And then you have learned to know how to rebuild it which is a lesson one must learn. I can see the youth, and the middle-age understanding of life and the lessons that we learn.
-I love the imagery and the sonnet number 5 what you use cacophony as the rain is tumbling down on a tin roof And yet I really understood the fact that you talk about the joints giving new life to a house that's dovetailed which is a strong connection of how one's growing up needs to be strong and sturdy.
-In your sonnet number 6 You talk about old age and the readiness to die and so sick that a nurse would put you out to pasture but outside where you could watch even a mare giving birth to a foal As a rebirth or renewal of life even though one is leaving. And yet you talk about a building again were to Chairs were put on a veranda one filled with life and one filled with fear Of death. Very interesting concept.
-And Sonnet number 7 it is like the summation of all the other 6 Sonnets But especially you talk about even though your life is ending You will not forget the simple Things in life that were given to you And that you cherish dearly.
-I found the totality of your collection very well appropriated and composed with a common denominator that life is built on a strong relationships and with strong conviction. And that the foundation of everyone's life is with relationships with others in the embodiment of a strong core.
-I really enjoyed reading your collection and I wish you all the luck in the contest as you are a really good writer Tony and take care and have a good one especially with all those that you love and care for.
Alex
PS: excellent use of imagery, alliteration and proper use of iambic pentameter.
Comment Written 22-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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I always appreciate your reviews, Alex, and value your comments. Thanks, too, in this case for the six stars. Much appreciated.
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You are very welcome Tony and take care and have a good one especially with your family and friends.
Alex
Comment from Bill Schott
This crown of heroic sonnets, Forget Me Not, embodies everything the plant, the sentiment, and the extended metaphor can display. The elevated vocabulary, rich and visual meaning, and satisfying spoken entertainment make this a perfect poem to read to make one appreciate poetry again.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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This crown of heroic sonnets, Forget Me Not, embodies everything the plant, the sentiment, and the extended metaphor can display. The elevated vocabulary, rich and visual meaning, and satisfying spoken entertainment make this a perfect poem to read to make one appreciate poetry again.
Comment Written 22-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Bill. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Eternal Muse
Tony,
This is one of the most wonderful works that ever graced FanStory. A show of grand talent and versatility. Written by a poet, philosopher and lover of nature.
Phenomenal use of enjambment, flows naturally from stanza to stanza. An expanded vocabulary enhances the reading enjoyment, and your love of nature reverberates in me.
I just adore your little forget-me-not's plight as she courageously makes her way through that mortar. Genius lines:
when shy forget-me-nots, whom death deceive,
defy belief, as they take life on loan
in fissures, where, tenaciously, they cleave
to hope, despite their half-starved circumstance,
and still put forth their precious stars of blue.
Such plants push past the stone where, at first glance,
one might expect a life of paler hue.
"...their half-starved circumstance" - Tony, this is an amazing line!
I am totally in awe of your Crown, Tony, I don't know who can beat this.
That being said, the obsessed pentameter fanatic in me would like to change the first line of stanza 1. "Roots" is a stressed word.
How about:
Their roots crawl 'round the moisture of cold stone
Of course, that would necessitate changing the last line.
It is not a speck in a perfect diamond, it is iambically obsessed me (lol).
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Tony,
This is one of the most wonderful works that ever graced FanStory. A show of grand talent and versatility. Written by a poet, philosopher and lover of nature.
Phenomenal use of enjambment, flows naturally from stanza to stanza. An expanded vocabulary enhances the reading enjoyment, and your love of nature reverberates in me.
I just adore your little forget-me-not's plight as she courageously makes her way through that mortar. Genius lines:
when shy forget-me-nots, whom death deceive,
defy belief, as they take life on loan
in fissures, where, tenaciously, they cleave
to hope, despite their half-starved circumstance,
and still put forth their precious stars of blue.
Such plants push past the stone where, at first glance,
one might expect a life of paler hue.
"...their half-starved circumstance" - Tony, this is an amazing line!
I am totally in awe of your Crown, Tony, I don't know who can beat this.
That being said, the obsessed pentameter fanatic in me would like to change the first line of stanza 1. "Roots" is a stressed word.
How about:
Their roots crawl 'round the moisture of cold stone
Of course, that would necessitate changing the last line.
It is not a speck in a perfect diamond, it is iambically obsessed me (lol).
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you for your extremely kind words here, Yelena, and for the six stars - also for your comprehensive and most useful suggestions in message form.
I have to agree that there is a trochaic substitution at the opening of the first line but would contend that this is a fairly common practice in both sonnets and blank verse, used to create a degree of changed emphasis. Many examples, such as the ones below, can be found in the major poets:
Keats: "Bright star! Would I were steadfast as thou art."
Shakespeare: "Coral is far more red than her lips' red;"
I realise that your contest rules give iambic pentameter as an absolute ground rule, and so I imagine that this line will disqualify me. Nonetheless, I am loathe to change it.
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Oh no, Tony, it won't disqualify you!! To do that, the committee have to be all evaluated by a psychiatrist (lol). What you did is perfectly allowable. It is just iambic Ally obsessed me talking, but you can ignore me.
The only thing committee may argue is the rhyming of heaven/given in the last stanza.
-
I like Keats citation best.
Forgive any typos in my correspondence, I am using Android tablet and it's auto-correct feature is scary! (lol)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A charming form of poetry about life struggling to live but always managing to poke through and see the sun, it always amazes me how plants will grow through concrete walls! Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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A charming form of poetry about life struggling to live but always managing to poke through and see the sun, it always amazes me how plants will grow through concrete walls! Love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks for your kind review, Dolly. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Tony, this is a masterpiece and an absolute treat to read. There are so many lines I admired that I cannot list them all without making this review as long as your crown of sonnets. Perfectly written 'old gutters weep their silent tears of rust,' - lovely use of metaphor. And again 'And so it is with this old porch, ingrained
with love.'
But that undressing done, it's time to act,
with dovetailed love, ingrained, to give new life,
yet keep the soul of yesteryear intact,
with younger woods withstanding nature's strife....... such clever stanza, open to interpretation. And the use of dovetailed love, so appropriate in woodwork with the joints made in wood, or again like the joining of two lovers. This is my favorite stanza, I think. How did you think of it? 'in peaceful rocking days where horses trot,' - yet more clever lines. I don't know why I have picked on these portions of your work when every line is worth a mention. Beautiful - Good Luck in the contest. Not that I think you need it - Dorothy x
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Tony, this is a masterpiece and an absolute treat to read. There are so many lines I admired that I cannot list them all without making this review as long as your crown of sonnets. Perfectly written 'old gutters weep their silent tears of rust,' - lovely use of metaphor. And again 'And so it is with this old porch, ingrained
with love.'
But that undressing done, it's time to act,
with dovetailed love, ingrained, to give new life,
yet keep the soul of yesteryear intact,
with younger woods withstanding nature's strife....... such clever stanza, open to interpretation. And the use of dovetailed love, so appropriate in woodwork with the joints made in wood, or again like the joining of two lovers. This is my favorite stanza, I think. How did you think of it? 'in peaceful rocking days where horses trot,' - yet more clever lines. I don't know why I have picked on these portions of your work when every line is worth a mention. Beautiful - Good Luck in the contest. Not that I think you need it - Dorothy x
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Dorothy. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
You've written a great one.
I especially like the last two lines: 'This precious life's on loan, and when it's done,
roots curl around the moisture of cold stone.'
Nice artwork: The image shown supports the topic discussed. The background color goes well with the art and color of font chosen.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your Crown of Heroic Sonnets.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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You've written a great one.
I especially like the last two lines: 'This precious life's on loan, and when it's done,
roots curl around the moisture of cold stone.'
Nice artwork: The image shown supports the topic discussed. The background color goes well with the art and color of font chosen.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your Crown of Heroic Sonnets.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks for your kind review, Nikki. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from Just2Write
Tony, this is exquisite. Crowns are difficult to write, and it's been awhile since I attempted one. This one really grabbed me and held my attention. The forget-me-not being the flower that is a symbol of life's frailties and a simple reminder that there is beauty in all things.
I like how you take us from the flower to the stones of the home where they grow, and touch upon all the things that you could do to fix that which has become worn with time. You then move to the short-comings and frailties of the speaker, who though well-intentioned will never quite win the battle against time that is being ravaged on the house. It's somewhere in there, that I saw the comparison of the speaker to the house. Both once strong and endearing, are growing old. There is a love and comfort for both of them, even though they have passed their prime. They still feel, and they still serve a purpose in this life.
Exceptional writing, Tony. I absolutely loved this nostalgic and poignant piece.
Rose.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Tony, this is exquisite. Crowns are difficult to write, and it's been awhile since I attempted one. This one really grabbed me and held my attention. The forget-me-not being the flower that is a symbol of life's frailties and a simple reminder that there is beauty in all things.
I like how you take us from the flower to the stones of the home where they grow, and touch upon all the things that you could do to fix that which has become worn with time. You then move to the short-comings and frailties of the speaker, who though well-intentioned will never quite win the battle against time that is being ravaged on the house. It's somewhere in there, that I saw the comparison of the speaker to the house. Both once strong and endearing, are growing old. There is a love and comfort for both of them, even though they have passed their prime. They still feel, and they still serve a purpose in this life.
Exceptional writing, Tony. I absolutely loved this nostalgic and poignant piece.
Rose.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Rose. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony
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I'll bet. I won the Crown of Sonnets a couple of years ago. It was a struggle to write VII Sonnets on a theme, and make each one sound fresh and new. YOU did that here in spades.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Hello, my friend, I must say I admire you for even attempting this form a lot of work went into this poem you have good strong words which add to the emotion of the poem and it reads very strongly from sonnet to sonnet well done good luck regards Jill
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Hello, my friend, I must say I admire you for even attempting this form a lot of work went into this poem you have good strong words which add to the emotion of the poem and it reads very strongly from sonnet to sonnet well done good luck regards Jill
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Jill. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony