The Dream
Blank verse - unrhymed iambic pentameter - competition39 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
I have always loved the story of Icarus and Daedalus :-)
you've avoided rhyme well
good use of steady iambic meter
good use of enjambment
great visuals, thoughtful message
good alliteration in phrases like dreams don't die
Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I have always loved the story of Icarus and Daedalus :-)
you've avoided rhyme well
good use of steady iambic meter
good use of enjambment
great visuals, thoughtful message
good alliteration in phrases like dreams don't die
Brooke
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Many thanks, Brooke. Appreciated! Tony
Comment from sgalletti
What an absolutely stunning, superb example of Blank Verse Tony! You humble me for even choosing to submit an entry when this masterpiece sits in the booth. I took a remarkable class on Blank Verse with Ray and it was wonderful. I learned a lot. Primarily, I was "rhyme challenged" as I tend to write naturally in rhyme and could not, for the life of me, even recognize when I was using it. But, I DO recognize quality - and your poem is loaded with it. Impeccable iambic meter, wonderful long epic tale, perfect for the medium of Blank Verse, beautiful metaphor and development of the story in a highly poetic fashion, despite the lack of rhyme. Wonderful use of enjambment, and just the right use of alliteration and consonance, such that it adds to the poetic nature of the poem without being distracting. I also love the soft presentation, although it isn't needed because the poem itself is so superb. Best of luck in the contest! Your poem is a strong contender, for sure. Sue
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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What an absolutely stunning, superb example of Blank Verse Tony! You humble me for even choosing to submit an entry when this masterpiece sits in the booth. I took a remarkable class on Blank Verse with Ray and it was wonderful. I learned a lot. Primarily, I was "rhyme challenged" as I tend to write naturally in rhyme and could not, for the life of me, even recognize when I was using it. But, I DO recognize quality - and your poem is loaded with it. Impeccable iambic meter, wonderful long epic tale, perfect for the medium of Blank Verse, beautiful metaphor and development of the story in a highly poetic fashion, despite the lack of rhyme. Wonderful use of enjambment, and just the right use of alliteration and consonance, such that it adds to the poetic nature of the poem without being distracting. I also love the soft presentation, although it isn't needed because the poem itself is so superb. Best of luck in the contest! Your poem is a strong contender, for sure. Sue
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Thanks very much, Sue! I very much appreciate your kind words and the six stars. No need to be self-deprecating about your entry either! I was most impressed by it!
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Thanks Tony! I was quite thrilled with the reviews and reaction to it. It was truly a labor of love. Yours is beautiful! Sue
Comment from Treischel
Wow Tony, this work truly is a blank verse masterpiece. The story, as it weaves from moth to artist to boy to jay, is expertly crafted in its iambic flow on imagination of flight. It blends myth with realty in a fabulous blend of imagery. Lots of alliteration. It flows like the dream in its title. I was as mesmerized as that moth. Bravo! If this doesn't win, something is wrong. I'll watch for the contest tomorrow and vote for this. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Wow Tony, this work truly is a blank verse masterpiece. The story, as it weaves from moth to artist to boy to jay, is expertly crafted in its iambic flow on imagination of flight. It blends myth with realty in a fabulous blend of imagery. Lots of alliteration. It flows like the dream in its title. I was as mesmerized as that moth. Bravo! If this doesn't win, something is wrong. I'll watch for the contest tomorrow and vote for this. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Tom, for this most complimentary review and six stars. Very much appreciated!
Comment from RGstar
Nicely done, Tony.
A journey, indeed. To see , through imagery, the flight of the moth and the path and time surrounding it, has little difference to our own lives, if be it shorter. The kite and the boy provides metaphors in abundance if only we care to look for them and read between the lines.
Great write.
Good luck in the competition.
RG
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Nicely done, Tony.
A journey, indeed. To see , through imagery, the flight of the moth and the path and time surrounding it, has little difference to our own lives, if be it shorter. The kite and the boy provides metaphors in abundance if only we care to look for them and read between the lines.
Great write.
Good luck in the competition.
RG
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Many thanks, my friend, for your kind review and stars. Very much appreciated. Tony.
Comment from amahra
This is an awesome Blank Verse poem. I've never tried one. I really liked the story in the poem. Or should I say, a kind of folklore. Great entry for the contest. Great job.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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This is an awesome Blank Verse poem. I've never tried one. I really liked the story in the poem. Or should I say, a kind of folklore. Great entry for the contest. Great job.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Many thanks, Amahra, for your encouraging words! Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from ravenblack
From larva to moth to artist to boy and finally to birds, you have truly made a natural epic of Icarus. This could serve as a primer on how blank verse is done. I am blown away by the sheer scope of this poem, your different takes on that momentous flight.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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From larva to moth to artist to boy and finally to birds, you have truly made a natural epic of Icarus. This could serve as a primer on how blank verse is done. I am blown away by the sheer scope of this poem, your different takes on that momentous flight.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Many thanks, Ed, for your most complimentary six-star review. Very much appreciated! Sorry about the late reply - my internet has been down for most of the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from c_lucas
Man should never forget his limitations. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Your poem has good imagery.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Man should never forget his limitations. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Your poem has good imagery.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Charllie. I appreciate your review. Best wishes, Tony.
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You're welcome,Tony. Charlie
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Tony
The image and your poem are a prefect complement to each other. Intrigue, pursuit of a dream and not knowing the consequences, combined with perfect imagery where the beauty and magnificence of your words and phrasing dominate and draw your reader through an epic of entertainment, yet more than that, the reader feels the essence of flight and its majesty, especially for those who's desire to fly or watch the motion and miracle of flight as it comes to fruition, sometimes instinctually as in the fauna and others by imagination, and consequence of great diligence and observance of their craft. OMG - you inspired an epic sentence. lol
Your superb phrasing is sublime and too numerous to copy here, I'll give just one example:
"Just then a passing jay of vivid blue,
attracted by the ribboned tail that swung,
as does the fisher's fly on swirling pool,
alighted, snatched the prize with gleeful cry
and flew to line his nest with bunting, gay
as any found at fairs throughout the land,
then perched, to dream the flight of fledglings three."
* One nit: I may be wrong, I wonder if three at the end of the last line above is a rhyme with "beauty" on the next line below?? Just mentioning for you to check.
I think your conclusive two lines tell the tale ... you could move on here and write forever about those fertile minds which dare to dream. Superb for the contest and a sure contender for highest placement. Though I expect some highly talented writing in this contest. I wish you the best of luck. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Hi Tony
The image and your poem are a prefect complement to each other. Intrigue, pursuit of a dream and not knowing the consequences, combined with perfect imagery where the beauty and magnificence of your words and phrasing dominate and draw your reader through an epic of entertainment, yet more than that, the reader feels the essence of flight and its majesty, especially for those who's desire to fly or watch the motion and miracle of flight as it comes to fruition, sometimes instinctually as in the fauna and others by imagination, and consequence of great diligence and observance of their craft. OMG - you inspired an epic sentence. lol
Your superb phrasing is sublime and too numerous to copy here, I'll give just one example:
"Just then a passing jay of vivid blue,
attracted by the ribboned tail that swung,
as does the fisher's fly on swirling pool,
alighted, snatched the prize with gleeful cry
and flew to line his nest with bunting, gay
as any found at fairs throughout the land,
then perched, to dream the flight of fledglings three."
* One nit: I may be wrong, I wonder if three at the end of the last line above is a rhyme with "beauty" on the next line below?? Just mentioning for you to check.
I think your conclusive two lines tell the tale ... you could move on here and write forever about those fertile minds which dare to dream. Superb for the contest and a sure contender for highest placement. Though I expect some highly talented writing in this contest. I wish you the best of luck. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Many thanks, Lovi, for your most complimentary six-star review. Very much appreciated! I have checked back with Ray. The 'three/beauty' is OK, as the natural stress in beauty falls on the first syllable. Sorry about the late reply - my internet has been down for most of the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
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Hi Tony
My pleasure. Congratulations on your win. I feel I've already answered you ... though i've ben losing a lot of reviews and having to re-do them, sometimes a number of times. My computer is back on deck, so I know what you mean without internet! Best wishes to you and have a great Easter week-end. I hope your weather is better than ours, it's supposed to rain all week-end. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Wow. This is quite a story you've told in verse here, Tony. It's great when you give us information as well as your beautiful poetry. I enjoyed this story part where the moth emerges from the cocoon.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Wow. This is quite a story you've told in verse here, Tony. It's great when you give us information as well as your beautiful poetry. I enjoyed this story part where the moth emerges from the cocoon.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Giddy. I appreciate your review. Sorry about the late reply. My internet has been down off and on for the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from livelylinda
Tony: Wowser! It felt like as you were writing this superb poem, you got carried away and went flying with the butterfly and boy and kite. And, you take the reader on this marvelous journey with you. Another "Never Ending Story" . . . . goes on and on and on . . . Linda
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Tony: Wowser! It felt like as you were writing this superb poem, you got carried away and went flying with the butterfly and boy and kite. And, you take the reader on this marvelous journey with you. Another "Never Ending Story" . . . . goes on and on and on . . . Linda
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Many thanks, Linda, for your most complimentary six-star review. Very much appreciated! Sorry about the late reply - my internet has been down for most of the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.