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Vision and Sound: Their Stories

Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Born Enemies: From All Directions"
Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.

18 total reviews 
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
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The troops soon to arrive from the south would be arriving in enemy territory. << Hehe. Lovvving this story! Nice touch with the little boy. :)

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

Comment from emrpoems
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The tiniest flaw can cause failure. You rite with great authority about planning the strategies for war. Did you serve in the army and gain this type of knowledge? Well written and developed. Loved it

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
    No! Actually, I'm an old hippie. Hahaha. I guess I liked playing with toy soldiers when I was little! It is a fun write and unlike anything I have written before. It just took off on its own. I'm surprised it's working really! Thank you so much. mikey
Comment from nancy_e_davis
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Tow[two] souls encounter each other as humans (In background)
It was very easy for the slaves to take over the city. Tibertin made a fatal mistake when He left the city virtually unguarded. To think a child was the match that ignited the battle. I can hardly wait to see what you have in store for Tibertin and Allutia. Separation again? Well done. Nancy

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

Comment from drivenbackward
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Something tells me you like Game of Thrones. A fun chapter. Very well written. Only two notes to consider:

Flautarvus had sneaked up behind him and scooped him up -- How about 'snuck'?

Flautarvus became serious. -- Bad. Some telling is okay, but this is just blatant telling. Strongly consider revising. And it's so good after this!

Only cat like speed -- 'cat-like speed'






 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

Comment from Gargantuan2
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A gladiator with quill experience indeed. I found flawlessness in this reading. I applaud the author with valiant tongue in print. I look forward to the next part too.:)

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

Comment from Michaelk
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"My name is Gladiator." One of my favorite movie lines.
Quite well done. So a whisper becomes a shout of victory. I have no doubt that Tibertin will conquer on the battlefield and return victorious only to find a city occupied. An awesome twist. I also believe that Tibertin will come back with Allutia's father captured. Then she will trade her life for his and stay a slave to Tibertin who will not accept her because she has raised her hand against him. In an emotionally charged scene, Tibertin takes either her life or his own.
But that's just a guess. Great chapter.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
    HMMMM.... Should I lie? Ah... yeah... That's exactly what happens. Hahaha. Good ideas. They are being considered even as I read what I've already written to see if it's as good!!! Note to self: Don't let Stephen King review your work... Glad you're liking this. I never in a million years thought I would be writing something like this. Those two silly souls, what next? Thanks for the great input. mikey
reply by Michaelk on 19-Sep-2014
    :)
Comment from faragon
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Like a chapter out of Spartacus! It's always nice to read about captured people fighting for their freedom and winning. The story reads easily with the way you have broken it up.

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 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
    Glad you like the layout. I like it too, keeps me focused as well. Spartacus? Cool, I love Spartacus. Thank you! mikey
Comment from Jay Squires
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Ah-ha! So they broke through the gate and into the city.

It's funny, in the first paragraph I was going to chide you for being so melodramatic, until I discovered it was a child who said, "To arms, I say! To arms!"

A good chapter, Mikey.

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 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
    Thought I was going Monty Python on you huh? Haha. Glad you're liking this. Your input has been a big help. Thank you, mikey