Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Allutia's Betrayal & Regret"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
14 total reviews
Comment from emrpoems
hardly would I believe that you need much help I think this chapter was well planned and developed. You held my attention to the end and left me wishing the story continued now so I could read on
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hardly would I believe that you need much help I think this chapter was well planned and developed. You held my attention to the end and left me wishing the story continued now so I could read on
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
I must say that i love the direction this has gone. The story is fascinating and still adds to the bigger picture of the overall story as well. I don't think you will have a problem with lrngth as long as the stories withun the story are compelling like this.
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I must say that i love the direction this has gone. The story is fascinating and still adds to the bigger picture of the overall story as well. I don't think you will have a problem with lrngth as long as the stories withun the story are compelling like this.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Michaelk
I'm thinking this story could go several more chapters. Very wise of you to give it some slack in the leash and let it roam where it will.
So the fate of the city balances on a razors edge. Will Allutia go to see Tibertin and find him not there? Will she then have to make the final choice between him and her freedom? Will Tibertin end up a slave under Allutia's rule. (how's that for a twist?)
Excellent chapter. Great tension building. I liked the subheading format. It made things easier to follow.
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I'm thinking this story could go several more chapters. Very wise of you to give it some slack in the leash and let it roam where it will.
So the fate of the city balances on a razors edge. Will Allutia go to see Tibertin and find him not there? Will she then have to make the final choice between him and her freedom? Will Tibertin end up a slave under Allutia's rule. (how's that for a twist?)
Excellent chapter. Great tension building. I liked the subheading format. It made things easier to follow.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
This has such a classical feel to it Mikey. I said before it smacks of Shakespeare (and I mean that in the best way.)
I do have one problem area:
It was a terrible oversight on Tibertin's part. Time would tell if it was a fatal one. [Is this the Author acting as Narrator, instead of Tibertin? Author intrusion is rarely an acceptable way to get information to the reader. Is it important for the reader to be given this foreboding? Is there anyone in the drama who could make the observation? Just a suggestion. Even Shakespeare used the devise of the witches over their cauldron to tell of the auguries.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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This has such a classical feel to it Mikey. I said before it smacks of Shakespeare (and I mean that in the best way.)
I do have one problem area:
It was a terrible oversight on Tibertin's part. Time would tell if it was a fatal one. [Is this the Author acting as Narrator, instead of Tibertin? Author intrusion is rarely an acceptable way to get information to the reader. Is it important for the reader to be given this foreboding? Is there anyone in the drama who could make the observation? Just a suggestion. Even Shakespeare used the devise of the witches over their cauldron to tell of the auguries.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Now I get it. I didn't quite have a handle on what author intrusion was exactly. I see it now. Great explanation. Okay, I'll see what I can do to fix that. That will also be on my mind in the future as something to avoid. Great feedback. Appreciated your input on the character's thoughts recently as well. Sometimes spelling it right out is the only way we get it! Hahaha. mikey
