Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 62 "Cephi Moon, Part Two "Murder Mystery
38 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Bev - once more an excellent post for your story. - Plus it's daylight so I am free of haunting stories at bedtime. This has great depth, and continues to fascinate me enough that I keep reading. Great overall writing which is always what I see in your story.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2014
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Dear Bev - once more an excellent post for your story. - Plus it's daylight so I am free of haunting stories at bedtime. This has great depth, and continues to fascinate me enough that I keep reading. Great overall writing which is always what I see in your story.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
Comment Written 02-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much, Maureen. You've been so faithful and patient, and I appreciate that very much. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Bieke
A timely subject.I can't say much at this point because I am just coming into this story very late. Your prose flows well. I think you might add a bit more information about where they are. I know they are in a car but I don't get a sense of that. You could use the moving landscape or acceleration to lace the dialogue.
I was told to just use he said and she said rather than any other verb to indicate people speaking. You may disagree.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2014
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A timely subject.I can't say much at this point because I am just coming into this story very late. Your prose flows well. I think you might add a bit more information about where they are. I know they are in a car but I don't get a sense of that. You could use the moving landscape or acceleration to lace the dialogue.
I was told to just use he said and she said rather than any other verb to indicate people speaking. You may disagree.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Bieke.
Comment from RGstar
As usual, Bev, you sustain the standard of which we all come to expect. Your pen moves as if willed by the essence of perfection.
''Jana's words breached his reverie, and he strained to focus his attention.''
One thing; not incorrect, but the word for me is far too over-used, and it is one that I try very much to avoid. IT is used by poets a trillion times, so I make sure I never use it. There are about 5 words that are grossly overused by today's writers, especially poets; ''reverie'' is one of them. I would have loved to see another word, or words, used in place as it reminds so much of poetry and I feel could be much stronger in other words. Having said that, it is probably my own dislike for the word that clouds my vision, and in the normal sense of the matter; perfectly fine.
I love the suspense and imagery you create here, especially in the second scene, from the car's point of view; a really good exciting ending to the chapter.
Great writing, once again, Bev. The second half of the chapter tilted this to a six stars for me.
Well done, my friend; you constantly produce a seal of quality.
Best wishes,
RG
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2014
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As usual, Bev, you sustain the standard of which we all come to expect. Your pen moves as if willed by the essence of perfection.
''Jana's words breached his reverie, and he strained to focus his attention.''
One thing; not incorrect, but the word for me is far too over-used, and it is one that I try very much to avoid. IT is used by poets a trillion times, so I make sure I never use it. There are about 5 words that are grossly overused by today's writers, especially poets; ''reverie'' is one of them. I would have loved to see another word, or words, used in place as it reminds so much of poetry and I feel could be much stronger in other words. Having said that, it is probably my own dislike for the word that clouds my vision, and in the normal sense of the matter; perfectly fine.
I love the suspense and imagery you create here, especially in the second scene, from the car's point of view; a really good exciting ending to the chapter.
Great writing, once again, Bev. The second half of the chapter tilted this to a six stars for me.
Well done, my friend; you constantly produce a seal of quality.
Best wishes,
RG
Comment Written 02-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much, RG. I really appreciate this very generous review and suggestions. I'm confused, are you saying 'it' is overused as well as 'reverie'? Just want to be sure before I go back and look at editing. Your time and efforts do mean so very much. And the support is most gracious. :) Bev
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HI, Bev,
Just the word' reveries' I am talking about; not the meaning, the meaning is fantastic. It is just one of those words that poets like to put in as it is quite a beautiful word, in itself.
You perhaps don't come across it as often as I do, as I review mostly poetry, yet it is so overused and a lot of the time used as an safe word, buttering up the text too much. Its just my take on it, nothing wrong with the meaning. Oh how I would be happy if you found a word to replace it. Ha,ha.
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Okeedohkee. I did go back and change that line as I think your opinion counts here. And I like how the new line sounds better anyway :) So thanks, again, my friend. :) Bev
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Yehhhhh.
Well done, Bev...I love the new line.
Best wishes,
RG
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Thank you, my friend!
Comment from Hareem.S
This is a very well penned down chapter. I like the plot and how the story unfolds before the reader's eyes. It was a pleasure to read it.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2014
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This is a very well penned down chapter. I like the plot and how the story unfolds before the reader's eyes. It was a pleasure to read it.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Hareem. I really appreciate the grand review! :) Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Oh. My. LORD! Brilliant, Bev. This entire scene, so expertly unfolded. What the heck was that with the car? Holy crap. I just adore the supernatural stuff.
Somehow, the different personalities and conversations in the different cars balanced out the events perfectly. Jana and the priest next to Aaron and Matthew. So well done - seamless!
Impressive orchestration, my friend. A skilled pen indeed. Fantastic post - things are really getting wild!
Lotsa love!
Av
xx
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Oh. My. LORD! Brilliant, Bev. This entire scene, so expertly unfolded. What the heck was that with the car? Holy crap. I just adore the supernatural stuff.
Somehow, the different personalities and conversations in the different cars balanced out the events perfectly. Jana and the priest next to Aaron and Matthew. So well done - seamless!
Impressive orchestration, my friend. A skilled pen indeed. Fantastic post - things are really getting wild!
Lotsa love!
Av
xx
Comment Written 01-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Av, thank you so much for this awesome review! I'm trying to bring the loose ends together and still bring the story forward. So, I'm so pleased with your encouraging insights, my friend.
Will we be treated to another one of your chapter's soon?
As always, much appreciated, my friend.
Love, Bev
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I'm hoping to get some writing done tomorrow!
My son and his wife are expecting their first child any day, so I'm all wired about that. Nikki's having issues with her BP, so they're keeping a close eye on her. She'll likely be delivered of the baby (a little girl) this week. She's actually due the 10th June, so the baby (Amaia) is pretty much full term.
Plus I have two old, and very much adored, dogs - brother and sister, who are in their sixteenth year and neither one doing that well. So I'm distracted by them and their health issues.
I'm hoping tomorrow I can get 'in the zone' and spend some time with Elric and friends!
xxx
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Oh my goodness, you do have a lot going on. Gosh, I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I were in your shoes. How exciting about the new arrival -- I love the name Amaia. I'll send 'healing thoughts' Nikki's way and to your two loving companions as well, Av.
Love and Hugs, Bev
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Actually, she's gone into hospital this morning possibly in the early stages of labour. I'm waiting to hear from my son! :)
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Oh, wow. Sending out that prayer right now!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Bev. Sorry I have missed so much. I miss you and I miss posting. I have been very busy sending out queries for my book and believe me if you do it right it is very time-consuming. Hopefully it will all be worth it. I have sent out 46 and am about done. Now I must cross my fingers and hope for a, break. (LOL)
Your writing gets better all the time, if that is possible. I liked this chapter that sort of stands on its own
I see you still capture the mind with your descriptoions and dialogue. good girl.
Hope to be back soon. XO Bob
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Hi, Bev. Sorry I have missed so much. I miss you and I miss posting. I have been very busy sending out queries for my book and believe me if you do it right it is very time-consuming. Hopefully it will all be worth it. I have sent out 46 and am about done. Now I must cross my fingers and hope for a, break. (LOL)
Your writing gets better all the time, if that is possible. I liked this chapter that sort of stands on its own
I see you still capture the mind with your descriptoions and dialogue. good girl.
Hope to be back soon. XO Bob
Comment Written 01-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Bob, it's SO good to hear from you. I will send along a prayer that you find that perfect publisher (it's only a matter of time).
Thanks so much for stopping in to read my chapter and for your very kind words of encouragement. You are always such a gentleman.
I can't wait until some time frees up for you to begin another series for your anxious fans!
XXOO Bev
Comment from Connie C
You've done it again, Bev--written another exciting chapter that always makes me want to keep reading. You do an excellent job of conveying the interaction between Jana and Father Brian in the car, and the supernatural, spooky happening at the end was great!
Keep up the good work, my friend.
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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You've done it again, Bev--written another exciting chapter that always makes me want to keep reading. You do an excellent job of conveying the interaction between Jana and Father Brian in the car, and the supernatural, spooky happening at the end was great!
Keep up the good work, my friend.
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 01-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Connie, thank you so much. I'm glad you liked the chapter. It makes me smile to know that you want to keep reading. You've been such a faithful supporter, my friend. I truly can't thank you enough. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Green Lake Girl
OMG, Bev!! I'm scared shitless reading this chapter. My fright started with the quote from Ed Warren. It just escalated from there. (By the way, this is a compliment!)
There's so much going on in this chapter. I'll touch on just a few. Your portrayal of Jana's disgust and quest for justice is very real and believable. I'd feel exactly the same way.
Great advice: Don't argue with a demon.
The supernatural event in this chapter is chilling and masterfully presented to your readers.
Truly one of your best chapters ever.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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OMG, Bev!! I'm scared shitless reading this chapter. My fright started with the quote from Ed Warren. It just escalated from there. (By the way, this is a compliment!)
There's so much going on in this chapter. I'll touch on just a few. Your portrayal of Jana's disgust and quest for justice is very real and believable. I'd feel exactly the same way.
Great advice: Don't argue with a demon.
The supernatural event in this chapter is chilling and masterfully presented to your readers.
Truly one of your best chapters ever.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Thanks so very much, Marietta. I'm very honored by this wonderfully generous and supportive review! I wasn't sure if I had enough of a scare factor... I'm glad it was scary enough for you. You spoil me, too, y'know. Hugs, Bev
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Plenty scary for this reader! Picture chattering teeth and knocking knees.
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hehehe
Comment from JW
This chapter contains an interesting development - one that definitely shows that you have a good imagination.
Thanks for sharing this well written chapter. It will be interesting to see what happens next. JW
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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This chapter contains an interesting development - one that definitely shows that you have a good imagination.
Thanks for sharing this well written chapter. It will be interesting to see what happens next. JW
Comment Written 01-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, Jonathon. I'm much appreciative of your encouragement and support. :) Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
"as he was forced to fall back even (father)..." - further?
I like that you describe the Father being tossed around inside the car. I would have liked to feel more of that jostling. I guess it's that show and don't tell stuff. I've been studying up on how to bring the reader in with more emotions through the characters actions. If that makes sense lol!
I love that the action is happening. The big finale gives me goose bumps of anticipation lol! Write on, my friend :)
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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"as he was forced to fall back even (father)..." - further?
I like that you describe the Father being tossed around inside the car. I would have liked to feel more of that jostling. I guess it's that show and don't tell stuff. I've been studying up on how to bring the reader in with more emotions through the characters actions. If that makes sense lol!
I love that the action is happening. The big finale gives me goose bumps of anticipation lol! Write on, my friend :)
Comment Written 01-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Hi, Joy. Thanks for the great review! I know what you are saying about the action aspect. I tried to strike a balance in order to keep the story moving forward and not have a really long chapter. Your suggestion is something I'll look at during the editing. Thanks again!
:) Bev