The Bard of Bel Air
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "The Team Makes Preparations"A homeless man sees more than people realize.
13 total reviews
Comment from CR Delport
Another great chapter. I think if Ruby go in as a plain-Jane, nobody would even recognize her. I don't the Bard is as crazy as people think. Maybe a little unique, but not crazy.
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Another great chapter. I think if Ruby go in as a plain-Jane, nobody would even recognize her. I don't the Bard is as crazy as people think. Maybe a little unique, but not crazy.
Comment Written 16-May-2014
Comment from marion
Hi there
This is the only chapter I have read so can only comment on the writing of it, although I really enjoyed reading your clear, concise writing. Also great dialogue. It sounds like this is a good story!
Maybe look at these few small things.
"They are in trouble ladies and germs,"(,) she said.
call me Jen"(.) Jen."
She mouthed, "Lucy"(.) "Lucy."
Winston answered.
Winston (Suggest he) showed a barely perceptible irritation.
"Let's do it"(.)
"Let's go"(.) "Let's go."
Marion.
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reply by the author on 16-May-2014
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Hi there
This is the only chapter I have read so can only comment on the writing of it, although I really enjoyed reading your clear, concise writing. Also great dialogue. It sounds like this is a good story!
Maybe look at these few small things.
"They are in trouble ladies and germs,"(,) she said.
call me Jen"(.) Jen."
She mouthed, "Lucy"(.) "Lucy."
Winston answered.
Winston (Suggest he) showed a barely perceptible irritation.
"Let's do it"(.)
"Let's go"(.) "Let's go."
Marion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
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Hi. Very encouraged to hear you enjoyed the style and especially the dialogue. Great tips and I should have caught most of those myself. Always in a hurry to post. Appreciate the help. When to use the pronoun is a problem for me. That helps quite a bit. Thanks for the detailed review and help. mikey
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good installment. The calm before the storm. Time to prepare and get into position. How did Ruby learn Chinese? I must have missed that part!
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reply by the author on 16-May-2014
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Good installment. The calm before the storm. Time to prepare and get into position. How did Ruby learn Chinese? I must have missed that part!
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Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
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You know, that may be something that I have had in my mind but never wrote down in the story. I'll have to look. I knew she spoke Chinese a long time ago. I probably forgot to mention it! mikey