The Bard of Bel Air
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Lucy's New Job"A homeless man sees more than people realize.
15 total reviews
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I would say things are going smoothly for Lucy and Tenaya.
They have the innocent bystanders out of danger and now must come up with a plan to take Winston down. Good luck with that! LOL Good work. Nancy
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I would say things are going smoothly for Lucy and Tenaya.
They have the innocent bystanders out of danger and now must come up with a plan to take Winston down. Good luck with that! LOL Good work. Nancy
Comment Written 10-May-2014
Comment from Michaelk
Okay, I'll skip the pleasantries and get right to it. I think Lucy agreed to go with Winston too quick. If I were in Winston's shoes it would've made me suspicious to hear her say yes so fast. It doesn't even have to be much, just as simple as Lucy cocking her head and saying 'how much money?' I think that would break it up and make it a little more bevieveable. This is the dialogue problem you were talking about. Make people interrupt each other, make them question each other. Make them justify want they are saying at least a little.
Another good chapter. The tension is consistent. Maybe you could change it up on Lucy and have Winston say that he knew she was undercover the whole time. That would send your tension meter through the roof.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
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Okay, I'll skip the pleasantries and get right to it. I think Lucy agreed to go with Winston too quick. If I were in Winston's shoes it would've made me suspicious to hear her say yes so fast. It doesn't even have to be much, just as simple as Lucy cocking her head and saying 'how much money?' I think that would break it up and make it a little more bevieveable. This is the dialogue problem you were talking about. Make people interrupt each other, make them question each other. Make them justify want they are saying at least a little.
Another good chapter. The tension is consistent. Maybe you could change it up on Lucy and have Winston say that he knew she was undercover the whole time. That would send your tension meter through the roof.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 10-May-2014
Comment from adewpearl
typo - Where you able to convince them
No problem, boss - add comma for direct address
hello, Daniel - add comma
Good use of dialogue that reveals the personalities and attitudes of your characters
Brooke
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typo - Where you able to convince them
No problem, boss - add comma for direct address
hello, Daniel - add comma
Good use of dialogue that reveals the personalities and attitudes of your characters
Brooke
Comment Written 10-May-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
This looks nice, organized and neat. Love the picture. Finally, I'm catching up. An excellent, entertaining read, by far. I will be getting my chapter out tomorrow. This looks good! do loco, wackydo No stars , yet.
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This looks nice, organized and neat. Love the picture. Finally, I'm catching up. An excellent, entertaining read, by far. I will be getting my chapter out tomorrow. This looks good! do loco, wackydo No stars , yet.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2014
Comment from Uniqusatya
Hey thats an interesting story ofcourse and felt the narration too smooth to be a Mystery and Crime Fiction.The suspense element is giving a little slow rection.Rest all is good :)
Good luck
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reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Hey thats an interesting story ofcourse and felt the narration too smooth to be a Mystery and Crime Fiction.The suspense element is giving a little slow rection.Rest all is good :)
Good luck
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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That doesn't seem all that fair an assessment considering 1500 words out of 35,000. There are always sections of any story where things need to be set up. No story is non stop action from beginning to end. But, thank you for reading.
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Yeah i agree,will go through other chapters aswell :)