Comment from Charlene0513

Excellent

An unsuspecting snare makes for another prey's dinner.
Has nice flow and good imagery.
Supported by the proper number of syllables.
Charlene

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thanks, Charlene. I appreciate you reviewing it for me, very much.

Comment from Debra White

Excellent

Hi :) This is a really good entry for the prompt. Good adherence to syllable count and end rhyme, not sure proximate internal rhyme is 100% adherence to rules, but I liked it anyway :) Nice use of alliteration and fabulous presentation (I recognise your style!) Good luck in the booth, Kindest regards, Debra

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thank you, Debra. I sincerely appreciate your review, my friend!

reply by Debra White on 27-Apr-2014

You're welcome :)

Comment from Smoothiecool

Excellent

good luck in the contest

your few words allow the reader to see and feel the silk web of the black widow spider is a trap for the fly

cheers Smoothiecool

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thanks, SC. I appreciate your feedback on this one. Much obliged, my friend!

reply by Smoothiecool on 29-Apr-2014

most welcome..SC

Comment from Oldman2

Good

Two lines on something that most us have seen in our homes growing up....well thought out and conveyed appropriately....I think this would be good entry for the contest... wish you all the best for the contest....

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thank s for reviewing it for me, Oldman2. Much obliged.

Comment from Glasstruth

Excellent

This has a beautiful sound to it read aloud. The sound equals the spider's web. Just six syllables in each line, limitations, and yet, there's a superb poem here. Wonderfully written. Les

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thanks Les, I really appreciate your kind review of this.

reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thank you very much, Les, I appreciate that! I always read the poetry I've written out loud, or have someone in my family read it back to me. I really can't judge how it will sound otherwise, and it seems to have helped me out in the past.

reply by Glasstruth on 27-Apr-2014

You welcome :)

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

Spooky but right on. Black Widows are deadly in more ways than one. The photo tells it like it is. Red dot and all. Best to you in the contest. Shalom.

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thank you Mr. Colder. I very much appreciate your fine review.

Shalom

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Perhaps I'm missing something, but I can't find the
required internal rhyme. Also. I wonder if ebb should be pluralized--to sync with 'force'? Don't mean to be a strickler, just asking.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thank you, Lee, for pointing that out before it was too late!

You're absolutely right, so I have made some changes to incorporate the internal rhyming. This was my first feeble attempt at an essence style poem, and I completely missed that in the explanation somehow.

Thank you so much again.

Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

I love this poem, and the image is just fantastic. The reason for the 4 stars is because it does not fit an essence poem, because it has no internal rhyme. Unless I am blind to it. Mary

I have changed my vote because you have corrected it. good luck.

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

No, you're right, Mary, I completely missed it. Thank goodness you told me before it was too late!

This was my first feeble attempt at an essence poem, and I tried to fashion it based on the example and explanation. Yet somehow, I missed the part about the internal rhyming. So, I have made some changes. I hope it is much better now.

Thanks so much again, my friend!

Comment from annp

Excellent

what a very clever poem
it not only fulfills the brief
it makes perfect sense, unlike a lot of very short poetry
the picture and presentation are perfect
well done and good luck
regards
annp

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thank you, annp. I'm very pleased that you liked it, my friend.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Fabulous artwork, so real as it slowly moves and a great essence poem. Hate spiders but you've done a good job with this one. good luck in the contest.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thank you so much, Pearl. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.

Poor spiders, they truly are amazing creatures if you think about it. Just think how many flies, mosquitoes and other pests we'd be bombarded with if it weren't for spiders.