Heaven's Raven- Ode to Death
Free Verse32 total reviews
Comment from emrpoems
Good use of alliteration with--
silver/shades, resplendent/raven, are/an/angel, hallowed/Heaven. deadly/dances, suffuses/sooty, vaporous/venom, life/like, shielding/shell. enlightened/enchanted,
Powerful message and awesome presentation
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Good use of alliteration with--
silver/shades, resplendent/raven, are/an/angel, hallowed/Heaven. deadly/dances, suffuses/sooty, vaporous/venom, life/like, shielding/shell. enlightened/enchanted,
Powerful message and awesome presentation
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Erica.:)
Comment from Val Crisson
This is quite beautiful, Anupam. The imagery is exquisite - "a lustrous black cocoon imbibing the lively elements" Wonderfully put. I especially like, that you did not make death pretty, if you know what I mean. This is a very honest and heartfelt ode, which quite clearly expresses the fears of death and the glory of death. Very well done my friend, very deserving of a six. Hugs
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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This is quite beautiful, Anupam. The imagery is exquisite - "a lustrous black cocoon imbibing the lively elements" Wonderfully put. I especially like, that you did not make death pretty, if you know what I mean. This is a very honest and heartfelt ode, which quite clearly expresses the fears of death and the glory of death. Very well done my friend, very deserving of a six. Hugs
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Aww, thank you so much for the glowing stars. I appreciate your comments as always.
It would have been a very odd ode if I had made death 'pretty"..lol.
Thank you for this lovely review! :)
Comment from SueZen
Beautiful ode...the subtle, elaborate phrasing, use of metaphors, etc. in which death is 'personified', leaves one mesmerized, in awe of. Death itself is, in my spiritual perception, never sinister, as our 'intellect' shall never comprehend why it suddenly occurs, 'takes' life away from many who aren't 'suffering' life at all, but enjoying, celebrating it with gusto !? But for others indeed an angel in disguise...Those who long, pray for it to come, liberate them from excruciating, no longer supportable suffering or 'force', invite it by way of suicide...
Good luck in the contest !
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Beautiful ode...the subtle, elaborate phrasing, use of metaphors, etc. in which death is 'personified', leaves one mesmerized, in awe of. Death itself is, in my spiritual perception, never sinister, as our 'intellect' shall never comprehend why it suddenly occurs, 'takes' life away from many who aren't 'suffering' life at all, but enjoying, celebrating it with gusto !? But for others indeed an angel in disguise...Those who long, pray for it to come, liberate them from excruciating, no longer supportable suffering or 'force', invite it by way of suicide...
Good luck in the contest !
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Hi, Sue.
Thanks a lot for sharing your deep thoughts with me. As you say- we just keep learning this way. I am glad you liked it. :)
Hugs,
Anupam
Comment from DonandVicki
I am quite impressed with your imaginative use of prose, the poem leaves the imagination wide open to many different levels of possibilities. Nice flow and meter to your work. Don
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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I am quite impressed with your imaginative use of prose, the poem leaves the imagination wide open to many different levels of possibilities. Nice flow and meter to your work. Don
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Don! :)
Comment from ElegantButler
Thank you! This is a wonderfully understanding poem that sees Death for what it truly is. Yes, it hurts sometimes (sorry about that), but so does a tattoo.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you! This is a wonderfully understanding poem that sees Death for what it truly is. Yes, it hurts sometimes (sorry about that), but so does a tattoo.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Wow, thanks a lot for the shining sixes. :)
I am delighted you enjoyed this piece. Thanks a lot for this awesome review.
Have a great day!
Comment from His Grayness
DEAR ANUPAM: as I'm sure you know, all good writings must have a "grip" for the reader and your verses and this photo certainly are effective in bringing the reader into your emotion and depth of your message. Your metaphors and rhythms are excellent. HIS GRAYNESS
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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DEAR ANUPAM: as I'm sure you know, all good writings must have a "grip" for the reader and your verses and this photo certainly are effective in bringing the reader into your emotion and depth of your message. Your metaphors and rhythms are excellent. HIS GRAYNESS
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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So glad you enjoyed this. I appreciate your comments. Thanks for this awesome review. :)
Comment from lakeport
heaven's ravens-ode to death, indeed that's a dramatic and emotional expressed story poem. Nice flow, I enjoyed reading
it,God bless you.lakeport.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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heaven's ravens-ode to death, indeed that's a dramatic and emotional expressed story poem. Nice flow, I enjoyed reading
it,God bless you.lakeport.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you! :)
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your welcome,Lakeport.
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good description that draws a clear image in my mind. Good alliteration with deadly/dances...suffuses/sooty...vaporous/venom...life/like...shielding/shell...enlightened/enchanted...silver/shades...resplendent/raven...are/an/angel...hallowed/Heaven. Good alliteration with like a shielding shell. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Good description that draws a clear image in my mind. Good alliteration with deadly/dances...suffuses/sooty...vaporous/venom...life/like...shielding/shell...enlightened/enchanted...silver/shades...resplendent/raven...are/an/angel...hallowed/Heaven. Good alliteration with like a shielding shell. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you! :)
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Exquisite. Favorite stanza:
Your whispered refuge
offers a new world-
enlightened and enchanted
amid starlit cosmic space.--
Yummy to read aloud!
First review (FOUR star)
Wow, Anupam, this is super-expressive and makes a powerful ode. I consider death as *light*, not darkness. This poem successfully juggles both aspects most effectively.
Brilliant. Beautiful. Haunting, insightful and poignant.
Sorry to have to give lower rating, but I honestly think it has room for fine tuning, especially with grammar, punctuation and flow.
Notes below:
*With ravishing(,) swirling wings
you gracefully sway-
A(a) bloodless ballerina
awaiting transformation.
*your exquisite moves
encloses life like a shielding shell.
as moves is plural, the verb needs to drop the 's'
your exquisite moves
enclose life...
*
A lustrous black cocoon
imbibing the lively elements. (--)
Suggest a dash here to connect it to the next (or previous) stanza, as it is a dangling, unfinished sentence otherwise. Permissible, of course, in poetry-but not optimal, IMHO.
Love this:
Your whispered refuge
offers a new world-
enlightened and enchanted
amid starlit cosmic space.(--)
Then silver shades appear
out of time-worn bodies.
Again, the two lined stanza with a sentence fragment makes the flow quite choppy. This is easily remedied if you link the previous stanza with a dash. If you decide to make those recommended changes, be sure to uncap the next lines.
*This is another incomplete sentence. I suggest either linking it to previous lines or adding in a pronoun and verb in place of the gerund to make it sound complete:
Contrasting (YOU CONTRAST A) fusion
of black and white
as you bear life
on your colossal wings.
*
The last flight(,)
seeking eternal freedom(,)
just commemorates
when the midnight bells.
wonderful phrasing here (note one spag):
Visions dwindle, then fade(,)
while you glide
to reach across the stars.
Oh, resplendent raven(,)
you are an angel in disguise.
You carry over souls
to the hallowed Heaven.
Not all the suggestions are mandatory for me to upgrade this, but the main issue is the choppiness and fragmented sentences stanzas. I'll be happy to re-review this if you make revisions.
It's such a fantastic, deeply mystical write.
Bravo
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Second review
Exquisite. Favorite stanza:
Your whispered refuge
offers a new world-
enlightened and enchanted
amid starlit cosmic space.--
Yummy to read aloud!
First review (FOUR star)
Wow, Anupam, this is super-expressive and makes a powerful ode. I consider death as *light*, not darkness. This poem successfully juggles both aspects most effectively.
Brilliant. Beautiful. Haunting, insightful and poignant.
Sorry to have to give lower rating, but I honestly think it has room for fine tuning, especially with grammar, punctuation and flow.
Notes below:
*With ravishing(,) swirling wings
you gracefully sway-
A(a) bloodless ballerina
awaiting transformation.
*your exquisite moves
encloses life like a shielding shell.
as moves is plural, the verb needs to drop the 's'
your exquisite moves
enclose life...
*
A lustrous black cocoon
imbibing the lively elements. (--)
Suggest a dash here to connect it to the next (or previous) stanza, as it is a dangling, unfinished sentence otherwise. Permissible, of course, in poetry-but not optimal, IMHO.
Love this:
Your whispered refuge
offers a new world-
enlightened and enchanted
amid starlit cosmic space.(--)
Then silver shades appear
out of time-worn bodies.
Again, the two lined stanza with a sentence fragment makes the flow quite choppy. This is easily remedied if you link the previous stanza with a dash. If you decide to make those recommended changes, be sure to uncap the next lines.
*This is another incomplete sentence. I suggest either linking it to previous lines or adding in a pronoun and verb in place of the gerund to make it sound complete:
Contrasting (YOU CONTRAST A) fusion
of black and white
as you bear life
on your colossal wings.
*
The last flight(,)
seeking eternal freedom(,)
just commemorates
when the midnight bells.
wonderful phrasing here (note one spag):
Visions dwindle, then fade(,)
while you glide
to reach across the stars.
Oh, resplendent raven(,)
you are an angel in disguise.
You carry over souls
to the hallowed Heaven.
Not all the suggestions are mandatory for me to upgrade this, but the main issue is the choppiness and fragmented sentences stanzas. I'll be happy to re-review this if you make revisions.
It's such a fantastic, deeply mystical write.
Bravo
Love,
rd
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Hi, rd. :)
It's OK. I am never after the stars. I always respect and accept constructive feed back. I have edited it now as per your suggestions. You can have a look again.
So pleased you found it beautiful. I appreciate your detailed review and comments.
Regards,
Anupam
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Thanks for your gracious reply, dear Anupam. Warm Regards,
rd
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a wonderfully written ode to a most popular theme since the raven is often pondered in verse. You take a uniquely intriguing turn with your tribute that makes the read a total delight. I wish you all the best in the judging as this is a worthy contribution to the contest. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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This is a wonderfully written ode to a most popular theme since the raven is often pondered in verse. You take a uniquely intriguing turn with your tribute that makes the read a total delight. I wish you all the best in the judging as this is a worthy contribution to the contest. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you for this lovely review, my friend. So pleased you enjoyed this one.
I will be late in reviewing as my college has started.
Have a great day! :)
